Transitions
by AlisonLydon
Summary: Josh is changing. Please read and review.
1. Real Life Test RLT

**Transitions**

**A Drake & Josh fan-fic created for the older fan (ages 17-adult)**

**A short story by Alison Lydon**

**Told in both the first and third person formats.**

**Lead characters:**

**Drake Parker & Josh Nichols**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. No copyright infringement is **

**intended.**

**If reading about gender issues is not comfortable then I suggest the person **

**who is reading this stop here at this introduction. For the rest of you, I hope **

**you will like it. **

**Chapter 1**

**Real Life Test (RLT)**

**…August 2005, before the start of Senior Year**

Drake hated what was now the usual screaming. Even if he had his Walkman on or his

amp up to ten he could still hear his parents, Audrey and Walter Nichols going at it

once more. His mother liked to throw things like her favorite daytime soap opera

heroines that she taped and watched after work. Things had changed drastically since

the start of his summer vacation. It seemed just like yesterday he was relieved that he

barely passed to the twelfth grade which meant he kept his bargain to his parents that

he would pass all of his courses so he could continue playing concerts at the Brew

Note and the Premiere and chase any hot girl with long legs and a large chest in a tight

skirt.

It was nine o'clock p.m. on a Saturday night and the only reason why he was home was

because of this recent bullshit that he was sure going to ruin his family. He didn't want

his mother to be alone tonight in case she needed her son and yet he didn't want to

punch Walter Nichols the man he grew to love as his own father. It wasn't his fault. They

weren't fighting because of each other. They were arguing over that _freak_. They've

been doing this since late June when Josh made his announcement at the family

dinner table. Drake remembered what was served that night because he never wanted

to eat lasagna ever again.

They were going to seniors in a week and he goes and pulls this 'stunt'! What in the

fuck?

Drake wanted to transfer to any school, but Audrey wouldn't let him and told him he

needed to "be supportive".

This year was going to be Hell.

He played his usual bored random chords. His eyes went downcast when the door to

his room opened.

"Drake. DRAKE! Won't you talk to me?"

"You want me to talk to YOU! Fine, I'll talk to you!" Drake put his guitar down and

jumped off his bed.

He walked to the door although he really didn't have to open it. It was with precision

timing that when he opened it he heard something else break.

"This is _ALL_ your _FAULT!_ You better finish getting all of your junk out of _MY ROOM_. I

want you _OUT_ of here! You are such a _FREAK!_ I've always known something was up

with you. But I didn't realize how _MESSED UP_ you really are! _I fucking hate your guts. _

There I talked to you, happy? _I wish you were DEAD_!" Drake's face was flushed and

his nostrils were flared. He couldn't stand being in the same room as this poor excuse

for a human being. Drake needed to be anywhere else but here.

The tears came once more down Josh Nichols' eyes. He knew this was going to be a

problem for all of them to accept. But he never counted on Drake hating him so. There

were only a few people he counted on in this world. He assumed his brother was one

of them.

He sprayed his bed with lavender scented oil to calm his nerves as he took his cell

phone off his dresser.

"…I told you he's no good." Mindy said. She didn't tell her strict and conservative

parents what was going on. They never would accept this news. Besides she would be

eighteen in a few months.

"Mindy," Josh opened up the drawer in his end table to take out a small glass bottle,

"Hate only breeds more hate. I got your package today, thanks. My mom is worried

and called the Superintendent at his house. They want to put me in small special

classes and isolate me from the student body. I won't have that. Of course, Mom wants

me to wait until I graduate---but I have to do my RLT before I even think about college---

Ssh…"

"What is it?"

"I hear footsteps outside. I think they stopped arguing. Drake blames me for that too."

"I always knew he was a jerk wrapped in a pretty package."

"Mindy! What did I just get done telling you?" Josh shook the bottle of

M A C delicate balance pink nail lacquer. What an appropriate name, which was half

of the reason why he bought it at the counter. The other reason was that, it was time to

stop relying on the clear shade.

"It's only because I love you."

"That means a lot to me."

"I just wish you didn't have to do your RLT at school. People are cruel. You're sensitive.

What if you get threatened? Can't you do this at home and maybe at work? Helen can't

fire you---"

"It has to be all day. I know, but it's something I have to do. You're still going to the

Galleria with me tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"I'm not going to lie and say I'm buying a gift for my mother or a mythological cousin."

"I know. I understand. But, I swear if anyone makes life difficult for you, I'm going to kick

their asses!"

She was content on being the male figure in this relationship.

Mindy Crenshaw could always hold her own especially when she was sent to a

rehabilitation clinic for her breakdown during Drake's Honor Council trial when she

tried to frame him from stealing Mrs. Hafer's car and putting it in her classroom.

"That's what I love about you. I hope you didn't spend all of your allowance on this

purse."

It was pink with pastel colored hearts all over it.

"Josh, don't worry what I spend my money on."

He coughed, "You forgot…"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't do that on purpose. Honest."

"I'm too high-strung. I realize that you and everyone else needs to make adjustments."

His nails were done. He hated them.

"It's all right. I know this can't be easy for you, either. Why are you groaning?"

"I need to go to Smart-Aid for press-on nails."

"Eww! I'll take you to Lily's."

"Drake is going to explode even more. I really am going to ruin his senior year. Maybe,

I am a freak?"

"Stop it, Dina! You can only be who you are. If you ask me Drake needs a good smack

upside the head—he should be supportive. He's such a selfish bastard."

"…but I love him." Josh/Dina took another box of out his drawer. They were medium

sized silver hoops with dangling mini heart charms. He took out the sole diamond stud

that used to be Josh's favorite earring because it signaled his identity to the female

side and put it in the box and put in the bouncy earrings.

"I don't know why." Mindy trailed her voice off.

"Because he's my brother."

Drake heard that last bit of the conversation and tried to expel the lump out of his throat

and to hide his own tears.

"I have to go. My Mom is calling me. I love you—Josh and Dina both."

"I love you too, Mindy."

Drake opened the door.

"You're still here." He didn't look over.

"I'm sorry, Drake. I got to talking to Mindy on the phone."

"You have an hour. I'm going out for a drive."

Audrey was collapsed in the bedroom and Walter had the handy legitimate excuse of

going to work do to the eleven o'clock weather on KDJY. Drake couldn't even look at

HIM/HER/IT.

It hurt too damn much.

Why was this fucking happening to his family?

_Out of all the homes in America---_

_---why God, did you have to take my brother away from me?_

_Author's Note: Due to the adult content, I cannot put my sources up for this one. But _

_if anyone wants any links just send me a pm or email and I'll be glad to send you the _

_information. This subject matter is controversial and for mature audiences so I'd feel _

_safer keeping those links from minors who might be browsing fan fiction net. Also, _

_there are many versions of the Real Life Test (one of which I mentioned in a future _

_chapter) and there are some transgender people who choose not to do it period. _

_Which seems to follow many plotlines in this story, what person "A" does for their _

_transition does not mean person "B" does the same thing._

_Also note the Josh/Dina and Him/Her styling was done for a reason. Mostly just to _

_illustrate the rocky transition, there is a point in one of the future chapters when the _

_references to Josh (Him) will be dropped._

_This is going to be more difficult to write than Knit Cap, but I hope you guys enjoy _

_reading and reviewing. Thanks. _


	2. First Day

**Chapter 2**

**First Day**

…**one week later**

Drake woke up at four o'clock in the morning. He was beyond aggravated that he had to

adjust his schedule like this. But there was no way, no fucking way that he was going to

go to school with The Drag Queen. The nickname he called his brother behind his back.

If he had to be the first one up this morning so he could be the first one out of this house

then so be it. Besides, he could take a nap in one of his classes if he had to close his

eyes. He even got dressed in the dark; you'd think he was the freak in the family. Drake

wasn't going to do this avoidance everyday, but today of all days, he didn't want to send

the message that he approved of what Josh was doing.

There. He made it downstairs without anyone realizing it. The scent of hazelnut coffee

was coming from the automatic coffeemaker. It was due to stop in about an hour when

his mother wanted to get up early to see the kids off to school and then go back to bed

for an hour before she had to go to her office. Drake was too old for a maternal send off

anyway. He didn't need a brown paper bag lunch made for him like those sitcoms from

the '50s.

Drake Parker was a grown man and perfectly capable of getting his lunch in the school

cafeteria. If there was a higher power, they better have two different lunch periods. He

could change his class schedule if he had to.

Drake grabbed his dark green backpack (that only contained two three subject

notebooks and two ink pens) and headed out the door.

Megan watched from the living room window, thinking that Drake must have thought he

was so intelligent for leaving for school at four twenty-three in the morning. She was

quite disappointed in him.

Josh couldn't help who he was.

From the research she found on the internet next year Josh would be undergoing sex

reassignment surgery. He wanted to be a woman. It's not something the gifted ten-year-

old girl fully understood. This year was the most difficult because he had to do the Real

Life Test, which was basically living your life as your new identity before having the

surgery. For all intents and purposes starting today, Josh Nichols wanted to be Dina

Andrea Nichols. He was still a Boob. Just like the other brother. Their whole family was

divided over this issue before them. Walter could not accept that "his son" was never

happy in his male skin and wanted to be a woman since he was knee high to a

grasshopper. He had these thoughts since he was a little kid in Kindergarten and felt

different from the rest. Josh could never kill the bugs, liked making brownies for the

football team along with managing their equipment; he even liked to dress up in the

Miss Nancy costume. It wasn't those things that made a person transgendered, but it

was combined with how he felt on the inside. It was the desire to be feminine. It was

Drake who told him that wasn't normal and Josh wanted so much to fit in. And to have a

wonderful brother like Drake was something else that Josh always wanted.

Megan knocked on the guestroom door. She could see that the light was on, but still

figured she should knock first.

"Come in." Josh/Dina was still in bed the covers up to his/her neck.

"It's me, Megan."

"Can I help you?" Megan didn't say much since this was happening.

Mom, Dad, and Drake had such strong opinions on this; no one was going to listen to

her. After all she was just a kid.

"I just wanted to say I hope you have good day in school, J—Dina."

"Thank you, Megan. Drake left already didn't he?"

"How do you know?"

"I heard his car sputter out of the driveway."

"I'm sorry."

"You might want to let him know that I'm sorry too, but, I'm in the process of my RLT. I

can't stop who I am because it makes some people uncomfortable." He/She took

his/her hands out of from under the blanket. Josh/Dina panicked during the shopping

trip with Mindy last week and settled for temporary press-on nails. Yesterday he/she got

the acrylics.

The girl at Lily's did a good job and used a nice lavender color.

"I know." Megan noticed the wrinkled picture of Drake by the pillow. She wished she

knew the words she could tell Josh/Dina to make it all better. Megan knew that first day

of school was going to be Hell for the both of them.

Drake was able to charm the secretary and explain that he needed to see Josh's

schedule when the office opened up at eight-thirty in the morning. Of course she knew.

_They all knew_ thanks to Audrey's in-advance notice.

"Thank GOD! We don't have any classes or lunch together! For once I will thank the

whole San Diego school district."

The middle-aged woman kept her opinion to herself so she wouldn't be fired, but she

could understand this boy's relief. Josh Nichols used to be such a nice, responsible boy.

It had to be that rock music that all the kids were listening to.

Drake thought most of his problems were over. He had no idea they were just

beginning.

"Mindy, maybe a skirt was a bad idea….women wear pants, you're wearing dress

pants….I don't want to throw this up in anyone's faces. And does this make up look

natural in real light? It was a simple long black skirt with side pockets from JCPenney. It

matched the black ballerina style flats.

Mindy and Josh/Dina were in her car parked a block from Belleview High.

"I think you look nice and pulled together. Your make up is just fine; you look good in the

earthy tones. That's the point, right? You really worry too much, Dina."

"People are going to pick on you for standing by me." Josh/Dina nervously put on

another application of cinnamon swirl lipstick.

"I can handle people. The first day is the hardest. We can't stay in here forever, so let's

go."

Mindy Crenshaw was better than Oprah Winfrey. She made sure that they held hands

tight; everyone needed to see that they were in this together. Her eyes were hazed over

with a mild sense of fear. There was no way this could be kept from her parents.

Someone was going to say something and the Crenshaw's would find out about it and

they would bar her from any further contact with the person she loved the most in this

world.

Drake was never in homeroom until the second warning bell, but for today, he had to

defend his turf. Yurmo was the only one in the room looking at his bug collection through

a magnifying glass.

There was a ruckus outside that seemed to start without any build up and Drake's

stomach sank to the floor. He slowly walked to the window and saw his brother and the

Creature holding hands. This was beyond disgusting. He didn't want to look but he did.

People were pointing, laughing, and even though the windows were closed he heard

cruel remarks like "Queer Boy", "Faggot", and "Loser". A bunch of cheerleader's called

Mindy a "dyke".

There was number 57 on the football team in his red and gold letter jacket shaking up a

can of soda. Getting ready to spray them when they walked by.

The short sleeved white shirt with a big blue flower on the pocket that Josh was wearing

was drenched with Mocha Cola when a few other jocks added to number 57's spray

party. Drake turned around and put his back to the window.

"Damn it."

"Hey, Parker. What in the Hell happened to your brother this summer?"

"Shut up, Randy!"

"Drake, your brother is a queer!" Came another male voice

He might as well have been outside walking with them. Now that people were lumping

him in that category. Drake always had trouble with some males. It was always more

natural for him to talk to a woman.

Ironic, that.

"Hi, Drake."

"Hi, Amanda. I saved you a seat in front next to me."

She had brown hair and had it tied back in a ponytail. Which made him realize at that

moment that Josh had a dark wig on that was in a short bob style. He knew there was

something _else _different.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to sit with Chris."

What in the Hell? They always sat next to each other in homeroom since ninth grade

when she moved to this school district.

"Tell me that has not—never mind." He sat back down in his seat.

Drake knew damn well it had to do with Josh—oh excuse me, Dina.

His world was over.

Principal Raymond let Josh/Dina use his personal office bathroom. Imagine the lawsuits

if he didn't do anything and everything possible to protect this kid!

"I thought you'd be in your homeroom by now."

"No chance," Mindy kissed Josh/Dina on the cheek, "I'll walk you to your homeroom."

"You're too sweet."

"Thanks, Mr. Raymond, I appreciate it."

"No problem, Nichols." There was his way of getting out of the Josh/Dina question.

"Your stain stick worked on your blouse, but not my sweater."

"I told you I'd pay for the dry cleaning."

"That's not necessary."

"I wonder how Drake is?"

Now the taunts were more silent, the hushed-tones because no one wanted to be

reprimanded by a teacher. The teachers who had their own opinions from the closed

teachers lounge doors.

"I can't believe you still care for the jerk. He bailed on you this morning."

"He's just frightened," Josh/Dina held Mindy's hand tight trying to ignore the egos of the

insecure tough guys who wanted to beat the crap out of him/her for wanting to be true to

the self, "Like I am."

"You have me."

"Thank you, Sweetie. I appreciate it…but I sure could use my brother's support right now

too."

'Damn Drake' Mindy thought.

What a selfish incorrigible jerk. If she wasn't so worried about the safety of her

boy/girlfriend she would have marched right up to his homeroom and told him off in front

of everybody.

"Now, you have your cell----"

"Mindy, you need to relax too. I'll be okay."

"Love you," another kiss on the cheek, the laughter impossible to ignore, "Dina."

"I love you too, Mindy."

Josh/Dina was beyond frightened, but didn't want Mindy to think that was the only

emotion swirling through his/her mind. There were many more thoughts such as the

concern for Drake a few doors down.

How was he coping?

"You can't think that I approve, come on," Drake opened up a pack of breath mints, "I

hate the fag just as much as you guys do."

He detested himself for saying such a lie to the small group of guys that he knew since

grade school. Drake was also aware of the misusage of the mean slang term. But he

_had to_ fit in. There was no way his world of cool and charm could be over. Drake Parker

was never the school square peg and he wasn't about to start now. Not in his senior

year. The year that was supposed to be the epitome of perfect with highlighted good

times for the yearbook. He wasn't going to let these events ruin what he's worked so

hard for. His popularity. Drake might have to backpedal and eat some crow, but there

was no way his senior year was going to be ruined. It was bad enough that his parents

may not make it through this unscathed but his social status was not going to be

washed away.

"Hey, I have an idea on how to get Josh good!" Said Jeff who used to eat Mrs. Parker's

homemade cookies at Drake's house when he was six years old and afraid of sleeping

in the dark and slept with his Gloworm.

"Tell us…." replied the rest of the eager guys to prove in a lesser way than the jocks that

they were all men.

"I will, but first, I have to make sure---Parker---are you in?"

What was the harm? Nothing was going to ruin this school year and popularity for him.

Was Amanda winking at him from a distance when she was supposed to be chatting up

with Chris?

Yes! Now this the senior year that Drake was thinking about.

_"Yes,"_ He let the faux anticipation come over him, _"I'm in."_


	3. Ink Drake Wants to Stay Cool

**Chapter 3**

**Ink (Drake Wants to Stay Cool)**

…**one month later**

The sun felt good on Drake's back. He was beyond nervous on the inside as Jeff didn't

reveal his plans to the group on how to "get Josh good", which turned into "get the fag

good" and it's been a month already! He had a better idea and had to steal a set of

keys, which he was being extremely vague about. This wait-and-see attitude was driving

Drake crazy. He had Amanda, Kelly, Susan, and Alexandra among other 'hot girls' from

the 'hot girls' brigade. He was eating his lunch outside with his group of guy friends that

he really wished would all get sick and die. There were little tormenting of Josh

moments. Drake didn't see the real harm in a few little spitballs. He always aimed for

the legs in such a casual and smooth way that no one could tell he wasn't in on the daily

tricks and taunts. He always tried to stay far back and sometimes hidden so he wouldn't

be caught. It wasn't Josh he was most worried about. He didn't need a suspension

courtesy of Principal Raymond or a lecture from his parents. He also didn't need an

especially hypocritical one from Walter.

Drake still had his lock picking kit from Megan and gone were the days that he used it

for something good by breaking into Kathy's locker to put in the drawing that Josh

created. He used it to take the biggest stickiest wad of bubble gum with the guys

present and put it in Josh's library books so he'd have to pay a fine for damages. There

was no real harm done, right?

They were _only_ books.

Drake drank his Mocha Cola and Jeff handed the reason God invented mini skirts girls

a bunch of dollar bills to get some snacks at the corner store. He was getting rid of

them. Drake was nervous not knowing of the big plan, now he was edgy over him having

it.

"Parker, you don't have a gig tonight?"

What a dumbass. It was only Tuesday.

"No, Jeff. It looks like your wheels are turning." Drake rubbed his hands together.

"Mike, just got the keys! We break into the school tonight."

Breaking into the school…next was going to be the declaration of stealing something.

Drake was too terrified of his own position in life to care about anything or anyone else

at the moment.

"Cool. What's the plan?" Drake asked

"We're going to break into Mrs. Henner's room." Jeff whispered.

He had blonde hair and blue eyes and looked like one of those obedient alien kids in

that movie based on the _Midwich Cuckoos_ novel.

Mrs. Henner was the art teacher. Were they going to make obscene banners? That

could get them in serious trouble too. Yet, Drake was too powerless to choose between

the right and the wrong. Grammy was mistaken about the ease of standing up to peer

pressure.

"Mike, you're working part time at your dad's store this afternoon?"

Mike's dad owned a dollar/novelty store.

"Yeah, what do you need?"

"Some balloons."

The magnets clicked and Drake put his confident hand through his hair to try and relieve

some of the tension.

"I can get those…this is going to be awesome!"

"You bet it is. And get lots of bags…because I'd love to get that Crenshaw cunt too."

"Yeah—I can't stand that bitch." Drake put forth.

He didn't really like Mindy, but he couldn't believe the biting words that flowed out of

his mouth. As if this was a simple prank like spitballs or hunks of chewing gum stuck to

library books. This was breaking and entering. But all Drake could do was prove that he

was one of the cool guys. Determined to stay popular.

No matter what.

**28 Hours Later**

Audrey's heart was breaking. She couldn't believe kids could be so brutal. Some

unknown ignorant kids pelted Josh and Mindy at school with ink filled balloons after

school. He came home from school dejected and humiliated in pink. Mindy was

drenched in dark blue that made her look like Smurf.

Audrey had just parked her car in the driveway coming home after only working a part-

time shift when she saw Josh/Dina make the slow walk to the house. She filled up the

bath and let him/her use her Chanel #5 bubbles for relaxing aromatherapy while she

went to the store to find something that would remove the ink.

She knew Walter's reply would be something like, "Well what do you expect when he's

dressing like a girl?" Audrey wanted to pull Josh/Dina out of Belleview—stat, but he/she

was adamant through begging, pleading tears that they wanted to stay and how upset

he/she was that the wig that cost two hundred dollars was now ruined.

She also had no idea that her first born child was pretending to be laughing and

congratulating each other a few miles away from Belleview in an old abandoned parking

lot.

"We did it! We got The Queer!" Jeff said

"He really did look pretty in PINK!" Mike replied proudly

"…and don't forget that twat Mindy." Drake added for good measure.

He wiped his eye. It wasn't a tear from the pretend laughter.

It was a real _sad_ tear.

He noticed the sides of his hands were covered in pink and blue ink. Drake was going

to have to go to his friend Paul's auto garage to use that cooling slime stuff that

removed severe grease from the body. Hopefully, it would also work on ink.

"What are we going to do next?" asked another guy.

_Next?_

Next?

Drake's body shook on the inside. There was a next?

He didn't approve of the whole sex change idiocy, but he didn't want to cause any

(more?) damage.

Drake really didn't want to cause any harm.

"Oh, I already got that taken care of. But, Parker, I need two things from you…."

"What?"

"A bunch of Playboys and a razor."

"Why can't you use your own magazines?" Drake let a little bit of acceptable frustration

come out of his body.

"Because everyone knows you have the biggest collection from that haul you got off

Ebay!"

_and why a razor?_

"Cool. I guess I can part with some of my naked hotties."

Jeff put his arm around Drake, "That's better—oh and I don't want a whole razor—just

the blade."

"Sure…Anything to put that Queer in his place! Or HER place!"

Drake hoped that he was convincing enough.

"What do you want with the razor?" Mike asked, a typical spineless follower

"We're going to make a card for MISS Nichols."

Drake couldn't stop this train even if he wanted to.

Okay, at least no one was going to physically cut Josh (or Mindy) with the razor.

They were just going to make a funny card he rationalized.

_There's no destruction in what we're doing…no one's getting hurt…it's all in good fun._

_How come I don't believe that?_

_The ink is on my hands…_

_Make it stop._

_Why couldn't you just stay Josh?_

_Why couldn't you just be NORMAL like everyone else?_

_Author's Note: Morgan, sometimes it's hard for me to write Drake depending on the _

_situation. Since, I redeemed in Knit Cap. A story that I was determined not to end _

_sickly sweet, hence the title "Bittersweet". But yeah, without ruining what happens in _

_future chapters. I'll try to find the balance as always. _

_Allie--Idea of the razor courtesy of the conversation we had last week._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing._


	4. The Cruelest Cut

**Chapter 4**

**The Cruelest Cut**

…**a week later**

Walter Nichols just had to be the one to get the phone call from Principal Raymond.

Audrey was working and he was taking a much-needed personal day off. He knew he

should have felt disappointed and very angry in Drake, but the truth was he was

disappointed in Josh. Drake was only reacting as any other typical adolescent boy

would under the circumstances.

Not that he wasn't going to approve on the methods. Of course, he didn't endorse what

Drake and some of the boys did to his _other _son. As far as Walter was concerned

Drake was provoked. He was going to have no problems telling his wife this fact.

Didn't everyone suddenly think the usually supportive Dad lost his heart? How come he

didn't have the right to be angry over something he didn't approve of? Did his attitude

really make him a bad person? Christ. What if this episode got printed in the

newspaper because he was a local celebrity? He was KDJY's finest weatherman who

has lost a Newsie award to Channel 12's Bruce Winchell for five years in a row. It's not

like he left Josh there on purpose. He could only take one of them home. Putting them

both in the same car would not be a good idea. But his little Nancy-Boy would be

phoning his wife and he'd be sleeping on the sofa…again.

Drake was slouching in the back of the red four dour dark red Buick sedan not saying

a word. He knew if it was just Walter, he might get a token two week grounding and

that'd be the end of it. But Audrey was going to blow her stack. He was so dead and

he was fully aware of the fact that his punishment was not going to be an easily

decided month long grounding. Two months would be more like it. It was easier to

remove the attachments to keep his status at school and that scared him.

He didn't want to do anything hurtful.

Drake Parker was trying to protect his self-image.

Once again, he did what he was best at.

**4th period lunch**

They were used to the laughter and the whispers. Mindy's mother cornered her (finally!)

and asked her due to the rumors that she was hearing "Is Josh a homosexual?"

Mindy was able to smile on the inside and answer honestly, "No."

And Mrs. Crenshaw went back to her denial and focused on taking little yellow pills

because the bright lights gave her a headache.

Josh/Dina and Mindy were reduced to eating their lunch at the tiny table by the kitchen

doors.

"You aren't eating." Mindy lightly reprimanded.

Josh/Dina stirred aimlessly stirred the vanilla pudding. The facial electrolysis was

starting next month. The first of many stages when there'd be no slash after his/her

name, when it would just be Dina Nichols. Some transgendered people chose their

name later, but Josh/Dina wanted this name since he/she was ten and met Dina Merrill

at summer camp. Andrea was chosen because of its prettiness.

"I'm not really hungry, Mindy."

"You need to eat, Dina. Did I compliment you on your pearls?"

"Yes. Like five damn times already."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean to snap at you. Let's go outside for a walk."

Drake and the rest of his band of merry men were outside looking through the narrow

vertical rectangle window. They all had fifth period lunch. He had skipped Calvert's

boring American History class just to execute this plan.

"What luck! They're coming out for a romantic stroll! Parker, the envelope!" Jeff

ordered

"I got it…"

"Drop it. The Queer will pick it up." It was an ordinary white and green first class mail

envelope.

Drake didn't get to see the final touches on the 'card'. He and Amanda were making

out a little bit in the boy's locker room, as there was no three period class.

In blue Sharpie was a little heart next to the name Josh (only the Josh was crossed out

and replaced with Dina) Nichols and sure enough it was picked up.

"What's this?" Mindy asked

"I don't know." Josh/Dina replied.

They sat on the stoop as Drake and the guys who really weren't his friends were

watching from behind the bushes. Some kids were walking by. Of course there were

the pointers and snickers but no one seemed to really care that Josh/Dina and Mindy

were sitting on the wooden stoop.

"What if it's a prank?" Mindy was able to convince her parents that one of the off-

campus clubs doused her with the ink filled balloons for some kind of initiation

ceremony.

"It's a card….." It was a homemade multiple page card made of durable white

construction paper. The outside was decorated with tiny filigree hearts the kind you

decorated windows with. The writing was a fancy cursive script.

_Good Luck on Your Surgery_

Josh/Dina let a small smile escape the pink toned glossy lips.

_Page 1: Breasts are Important_

Cut outs from dirty magazines were taped all around the words. Most were naked, but

some were peeking out of delicate white push-up bras.

_Page 2: Don't forget the Vagina_

More ripped pictures showcasing the body part. Some were shaved clean of body

hair. Others were full of hair.

_Page 3: _

They were just words.

**Dearest Josh (Dina),**

**We hoped these pictures helped you realize that you are a fucking freak. Now **

**don't cry…or maybe you should—so your dyke girlfriend can comfort you.**

**Is your mascara running? It shouldn't. For we here at Belleview have the **

**solution your problem. Turn the page, you pussy.**

"You don't have to read anymore!" Mindy was about to snatch the card out of

Josh/Dina's hands

As the boys in the bushes were ready to congratulate themselves for another

humiliation well done.

"No, I want to read the rest."

_Page 4_:

It was a picture of model's neck. She was wearing a long strand of pearls. Taped to

the photograph was a razor and simulated by red marker blood.

**Instant Surgery! And Good Riddance,**

**From your pals at Belleview High**

Indicating suicide.

"Okay! Who did this?" Mindy stood up on the stoop ready to kick some ass.

"Stop it."

Josh/Dina was trying to stay composed but almost fainted on the spot when a bunch of

giggling boys were about to run away from their hiding place behind the bushes.

Drake?

"Drake?" He/She whispered.

Mrs. Hafer was one of the teacher's who was outside on that fateful afternoon and was

satisfied that she had Drake Parker by the arm.

"Do you and the rest of you gentlemen and I use that term loosely—think that this is

funny?"

Alice Hafer was one of the teacher's on the faculty who supported Josh/Dina and

his/her quest to be female. Decisions like that were not made overnight. The pain that

teenager had to be living under for so many years made her dig her nails deeper into

Drake's upper arm.

Too many people were swarmed around having to see what was going on.

"Come on," Mindy took the card and walked hand-in-hand with Josh/Dina to the

Principal's office.

"D—Dr—ake."

He must have been behind the ink balloons too.

The spitballs?

The gum in the library books?

The pain in his/her heart was making him harder to walk. Maybe, it was the modest

heels. Josh/Dina was perfectly willing to allow that some people just couldn't accept

these things, ready to blame the person who was only trying to live in their true bodies

instead of looking straight in the mirror at their own insecurities.

What happened to the years of sibling bonding?

Going to ride the demonator roller coaster, selling stolen Z-list celebrity grills and

having to spend an afternoon in prison, late night study sessions, mixing sodas, and

entering salsa (condiment) competitions?

How could Drake be so mean? So cruel? So devoid of feeling?

As soon as they got to Principal Raymond's office Josh/Dina's legs finally gave out

and thank god there was a chair to fall into. Mindy took charge and placed the card on

his desk wasting no time in naming names especially Drake's.

"How could Drake do this to me?" Over and over again was the chanting cry.

Mindy held his/her body tight.

'Because he's an asshole' was the reply she really wanted to give.

"Ssh. It'll be okay."

"Nichols, Crenshaw, you stay here." Principal Raymond left his office closing the door

behind him.

Mindy grabbed a bunch of tissues off the desk and wiped her lover's eyes.

"I bet my mascara is running now…"

"Mine is too. Do you want me to get you something to drink out of the vending

machine, Dina?"

The words were unheard.

"How could Drake do this to me? TO ME?"

Josh/Dina spent most of the time crying on Mindy's steadfast shoulder.

Maybe that razor blade across the neck wasn't such a bad idea after all.

**1:30 PM**

Walter dropped Drake off at the house so he could talk to Audrey in private. She

already got that phone call from "his son". Their whole family was being torn to shreds

by that freak. It hurt him to think it, but it was true to the father.

Drake went to fridge to grab a can of soda. He was already suspended for a week but

it was his Mother's punishment that he was the most fearful of.

The doorbell rang. Wasn't Megan expecting another gadget in the mail? He put the

soda can on top of the television and went to answer the door.

It was Mindy, her eyes were dark and she was out of breath.

"You fucking bastard!" She used all the pent up force she had and punched him in the

jaw.

She hit Drake so hard that he fell to the floor.

Mindy didn't mean, okay maybe she slightly did, to lie to Josh/Dina, but when she saw

Walter drive away and knowing that Drake was alone in the living room she had to

make her move. If anything it would give him/her plenty of time to go upstairs without

Drake noticing.

Not giving him a chance to respond while he was still on the floor. She kicked his hand

and wished she wearing a pointy heel instead of her sneakers. Mindy ran upstairs to

try and bandage the emotional wounds.

"DRAKE PARKER!"

Mommy's home and she didn't return with a pink and purple striped Brach's bag with

chocolate stars in it.

Drake managed to pull himself back up without any further instance.

"Mom---"

"I am so ANGRY and DISAPPOINTED in you! And you are going to sit on that sofa

and I will deal with you in a minute. First, I have to check on your SISTER."

How could Walter leave Dina there? His excuse of not wanting to put Drake and Josh

in the same car was just that, a lame fucking excuse. Same as for the reasoning that

Drake was provoked. Walter Nichols was always a kind and fair man. It was one of

things that made him attractive to her. They kind of agreed-to-disagree on the topic

gender reassignment surgery and just take things day-by-day…but this day. She knew

deep down that in that cruel way of the hen's pecking a weak link Walter had approved

of what Drake and the rest of those boys did. Walter was not the type of man who said

a snarky comment if he saw someone who was different. He never gave her any

inclination that he even thought this way.

Maybe, she was more liberal, but all she felt right now was sick.

Audrey knocked on the door and waited for the "come in". Mindy was rubbing Dina's

back. She was crying—sobbing into her pillow.

"Mom's here." Audrey pulled up a chair. It was one of those old wooden chairs that

formed a heart shape in the center that you used to see at ice-cream fountains.

Drake used to stand up on this chair when he was a little kid and wanted cookies out

of the dragon shaped jar.

Another voice came calling out from downstairs.

"MINDY!"

"Oh fuck," She let out in an exhausted tone.

Mrs. Crenshaw sprinted up the stairs.

"Mom…."

"You're LEAVING. You are NOT welcome in this house anymore and you will terminate

your relationship with this---"

'Say Queer and I will punch you in the face' Audrey thought

"MOM!"

"Mindy, I'm not playing around!"

"I love you, Dina." Mindy would have kissed her on the lips if she weren't face down in

the pillow. So she settled for the cheek.

She wasn't going to stop seeing Dina just because her mother was a prejudiced,

bigoted anal-retentive bitch. Right now she would just humor the old hag. Mindy waited

for her mother to turn around and gave a knowing wink to Audrey.

"I'll be back." She mouthed.

"Oh Baby," Audrey stood up and turned Dina face up before she suffocated in that

pillow, "I love you so much."

"I—I love you too, Mom."

Her hug felt so good.

"Now, I have take care of something and I'll be back, okay?" She wiped away Dina's

tears with her hand.

"Okay…I'm exhausted. I think I'll take a nap."

"You rest." One more kiss on the cheek before softly closing the door behind her.

"Finally!" Drake hated to be kept waiting, he knew his tone was a little snotty. He still

didn't expect his own mother to smack him hard across the face.

"That's enough of your mouth! I did not raise you this way. I don't know how you could

do this to Dina….do you think you are the only one to have a problem adjusting? What

about your sister upstairs? Are you that selfish to realize how difficult it was to reveal

herself? You and your father are prizes that's for sure. Having trouble dealing with

news like this is hard. It's tough for EVERYONE. But you crossed the line…grounding

you seems too simple, like giving a killer the dealth penalty…I'd make you go upstairs

now and apologize to your sister for your cruel deeds, but that will just make matters

worse. Something that Dina does not need----so this stops today. I called your Uncle

Richard and he's agreed to take you in until Dina makes the transition."

"But he lives in Washington state!" Not to mention he hasn't seen Uncle Richard since

he was eleven. Who had a full beard and whose favorite joke was "pull my finger".

Audrey stepped closer, "You are really trying my patience, Drake. I don't care what

band commitments you had—but I called the managers of every club you played at and

resigned your services. You are being punished. What you choose to do when you turn

eighteen is your business I cannot stop you. But from now until your birthday---I OWN

YOU. NOW GO UPSTAIRS AND PACK. Clothes only. Your guitars stay here." She

took the one way Greyhound bus ticket out of her brown blazer pocket to prove in a

tangible way that she wasn't kidding around.

Drake was an obstinate prick and quietly opened Josh/Dina's door.

Aww, was the freak sleeping?

He closed the door and walked over to the bed. _Ashamed_ of the earrings, the make

up, the girl's clothes_….just ashamed period_.

"Wake up," Drake touched his/her shoulder

The eyes were open, but no words could come out.

"I want you to remember something, Josh, Dina, whatever your fucking name is. _You _

_ARE a freak! And I don't regret any of it! _I'm only sorry I got caught. Thanks to you I

have to stay with Uncle Richard. _Remember these words, I fucking hate you and I still _

_wish that you were dead!"_

Drake turned around and walked away leaving the door slightly open because he

could.

Josh/Dina's eyes filled up with more water. This was the worst feeling of all. Losing

family unfortunately was a part in many of the transgender community.

It was painful to not have the love and support of Dad. But it was worse somehow to

not have those feelings with his step (never a step to him) brother.

If that's how Drake wanted it…

He/She slid back into the covers and held the pillows as if they were Mindy's body.

_"…i love you, drake. i'll always love you."_

The sleep would be jagged, the dreams, nightmares—but the three long legal years it

would take to be recognized as Dina Andrea Nichols would be worth it even if it meant

losing the brother and father he/she loved dearly. Even if they would never love back in

return…No matter how much it broke the heart, it was a sacrifice that needed to be

made.

If only they could understand.

_Author's Note: Midie regarding your previous review: I was saving Josh/Dina's major _

_reaction for this chapter. The/slashes for the dual names will disappear after a _

_certain point in this story. It's a pain to remember to do that, but I'm doing so for a _

_story reason._


	5. Ladies Who Lunch

**Chapter 5**

**Ladies Who Lunch**

…**Two months later**

This wasn't how senior year was supposed to go at all. Audrey in her calm state of mind

arranged for her daughter to be home schooled by a qualified tutor. It was better this

way. No taunts, no threats, and no cruel jokes. Mindy defied her extreme right-wing

mother and made sure her lunch periods and other free time was spent at the Nichols-

Parker house. Mindy nervously broke a breadstick in half not sure if she should ask a

question.

"Mindy, what's on your mind?" Josh/Dina asked

"Nothing—I was doing my own research on the web and many transgendered don't

even do their real life test…why are you putting yourself through this?"

He/She sipped from a straw in can of diet soda before answering.

"You should know better than to lump people in a category. But if you are going to read

something go to trans hyphen health dot com. And to me, it's good to know who is

accepting and who isn't—right from the start." Josh/Dina picked the pepperoni off the

pizza.

"I wonder how Drake---"

"Before you start, knock it off."

"I'm sorry, but I can't like him, Dina. I can't. Not after all the crap he's put you through.

He's about as understanding as a starving shark."

"That may be and I love you for caring. But I'm always going to love Drake even if he

never can return that feeling."

Due to him being an insecure Neanderthal macho jerk.

Mindy kissed her on the lips. It's only been two months but the face electrolysis was

starting to "kick in", she loved the soft cheeks. Mindy never said anything, but she hated

prickly male facial hair. There were some minor blisters and dryness but that was

nothing that needed to be brought up.

"I suppose. Your hair is getting longer in the back."

"That's not an issue. I already have another wig that I special ordered from France,

that's why it's taking so long. Although, I'm happy my real hair is growing…do you have

to leave in twenty minutes?"

"Yeah about that. Where's your tutor?"

"Miss Jones had to leave early."

"I can be persuaded to skip gym class." Mindy purred.

Phys. Ed. was always awful for Mindy who hated being put through a microscope by the

pretty popular girls, but the 'dyke jokes' just wouldn't quit and she knew if she was

pushed hard enough she'd in the Principal Raymond's office for starting a fight.

The doorbell rang.

The UPS man got a surprise two weeks ago when Josh/Dina came down the stairs in

dark mauve twin set and pleated white skirt.

"It's here, Mindy!"

"Your wig?"

"No. Something else I ordered from that vintage store in Los Angeles. Hand me that box

cutter on the table."

It was a vintage white corset with built in bra. What a great addition this would be. Even

after the SRS surgery.

"Wow…that's really pretty, Dina. It's a pity we are different sizes and can't share

clothes."

"I have to try it on…"

"I'll help you…."

Mindy needed the touching. They haven't made love in months. She had to respect that

they might never again in the male-female way.

"I want to make love to you, too."

It's bad enough he had to still pee with the penis. Josh/Dina tried sitting down on the

toilet to urinate but made a mess due to the extreme nervousness of wanting to get it

right.

"It's okay. I realize you are in transition." She laced the back of the corset up for her

girlfriend, the criss-cross laces making her lower region throb.

"Mindy, if you want to, we still have time. Tighter please don't worry about hurting me."

This was going to make all those wonderful and soft sweaters that Grammy sent him/her

look one thousand times better. Grammy also sent a handwritten ten-page letter and the

words that meant the most of him were in her last paragraph:

…_I will always love you, Joshie, Dina. It's just a name. You're beautiful no matter what. _

_I'm sorry that I am in the Caribbean on one of my adventures, but I will be in San _

_Diego before you go in for your surgery._

_Love, your Grammy_

_P.S.-Remember it's what inside that really counts._

The good mood was ruined when Walter came home early to pick up some papers; he

looked as if he ate a whole crate of sour lemons from the tree outside.

Walter Nichols didn't care about getting the folder that he left in the bedroom. His son

was wearing a corset. He wished somebody would just shoot him so he wouldn't have

to be a witness to this vulgarity.

"Dad…" Mindy had just finished tying the bow in the back, "Dad.." Josh/Dina grabbed

her blue v-neck sweater off the sofa. "Dad…"

By the time He/She got outside the Buick was speeding to get out of the driveway.

"Dad…"

"I'm sorry, Dina."

"I'm sorry, too. Listen, why don't you go back to school? I have homework to do for Miss

Jones and I want to go vent on my Yahoogroup."

Josh/Dina met about ten fantastic online friends. Everyone told him he/she was normal.

It was society's problem if they couldn't accept it. But that didn't erase the constant

hurting of a life without Drake or Walter in it. Most of the California members were going

to meet at member Veronica's house in Santa Monica next month to see the 2005

filmed called _American Beauties_. It was a story about four immigrant male to female

transgenders.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Josh/Dina tugged at the strand of pearls, "And I want to look up some DVDs to

bring to Veronica's party. I'm fine, really. This is unfortunately par for the course."

One more kiss on the lips.

"We're still having lunch tomorrow?"

"Of course we are."

There was still guilt over the decision. All of the great people on the internet group told

Josh/Dina, not to feel guilty. But many members on the list all had at least one family

member who "wasn't cool with it". Brothers (there was a shocker) were less supportive

than sisters. Fathers (another surprise there) fewer than mothers.

But the need to go through with the true identity was more important and necessary then

satisfying the fragile egos of a slightly overweight TV weatherman and a cocky teenage

boy who used females for pleasure.

Audrey came home to find Dina loading the lunch dishes in the dishwasher.

"Hi, Sweetie. How was lunch with Mindy?"

"Good, Mom. I'm going upstairs for awhile to use my computer," He/She was halfway

out the swinging door before turning around.

"What is it, Dina?"

"I've come to a conclusion. For my own mental health---I'm done chasing them. If Dad

wants to talk to me—well he won't anytime soon. Ask him why he left the house a few

minutes ago when he had to have come back for a reason. And I can't tell you how many

times I thought of going through your phone book and calling Uncle Richard just to try

and reach Drake---I can't do this anymore. He knows where I am and I don't hear the

phone ringing nor do I get a letter in the mail. I'm done chasing them. I'm simply done

with them."

And for one moment of confident bravado there were no tears. Just a solid

determination to stop living this Josh Nichols lie and cross another day off the calendar

in red ink until Dina Nichols would be officially 'born'.

Fuck Drake and Walter.

What they thought did not matter. Not anymore.


	6. Stupid Coffee Filters

**Chapter 6**

**Stupid Coffee Filters**

…**Same day**

It was another empty dinner at the family table. Josh/Dina wanted to eat upstairs and

Walter didn't say a damn word to at least try and rectify the state of affairs. Megan

didn't want to be a bother and ate her bowl of beef stew quietly. She couldn't even

stomach an extra crescent shaped roll and they were her favorite. She sprinted

upstairs to change her clothes because Audrey said it was okay for her to go to the

Premiere with her school pal Katie and her mother as long as she was home before

nine-thirty.

All Audrey wanted to do was reorganize her recipe cards that she kept in a cobalt

blue metal box and finish a cup of orange blossom tea.

She was trying to be the glue determined to keep the family together. Although with

Walter being an ass and Drake being miserable in Washington, determined not to

learn a damn thing, this was shaping up to be a rather futile effort.

Audrey just needed some quiet time. She never thought she'd have the feeling of

dread rise up in her throat when Walter Nichols walked in the kitchen.

Her husband was the man who was supposed to be the opposite of dread, who was

supposed to be everything wonderful that he used to be.

That was until he showed his true colors by rejecting his daughter's feelings.

"Goddamn it! The stupid coffee filters are stuck inside each other!" Walter slammed

the open cupboard door. "Why do you buy the cheap ones, Audrey?"

"Am I supposed to believe that you really want to fight about coffee filters, Walter?"

"I just came in here to make a pot of coffee…which you were supposed to do instead

of tending to—"

She slammed her recipe box. It proved that everyone in this house knew how to bang

things and have tantrums.

Audrey stood up,

"Say it."

"You didn't even consult me when you sent Drake away to your uncle's house in

Washington."

"If it weren't for me you probably would have congratulated him for all the hurtful

pranks he's pulled on Dina."

"His name _IS_ Josh!"

"You are not the same Walter Nichols that I fell in love with. Why can't you accept the

fact that our son is severely unhappy? Why can't you grasp that Josh is Dina and your

son is now your daughter. And is going through a very difficult for many reasons

transition. What is so difficult for you to understand?"

"It's not natural. What I should do is make him go to a good therapist."

"A good therapist? You mean a bigoted one who thinks the transgendered person is

the one with the problem?"

Audrey knew she told Walter eons ago about Dr. Marx. It didn't seem to matter

mentioning to him now.

"I'd like to know what made you the expert in this all of a sudden. Did you go the

library and read one book?"

"Fuck you, Walter."

This whole conversation was hurting her. Walter Nichols used to be the sweetest

most caring man who helped her get over a broken heart. Who made her believe in

second chances. It always takes a family situation on this level that shows a person's

true feelings.

Did this mean everything prior with her husband was one big lie?

"That's a nice thing to say, Audrey. I'm glad I see your true feelings."

"My true feelings? You're the one who can't accept who your daughter is."

"I only have one daughter."

"You're not the man I thought you were. You disappoint me, Walter Nichols." Audrey

couldn't shout anymore. She was tempted to put the contents of the still warm teacup

down his pants, but he wasn't worth the effort.

_Message to FMTransTalk:_

_From: DNichols_

_They're fighting again. Mom and Dad are fighting over me. This hurts so much. All _

_I wanted to do was put my dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Jesus Christ—what if _

_they divorce because of me? _

_Veronica, I got your snail mail at my p.o. box. Thank you so much for your _

_beautiful words and for trusting me with a copy of your before and after pictures so I _

_can show the doctor. It's nice not to have to show a picture of a stranger or a nude _

_movie star (which in a sense is also a stranger). You'll have to pardon my _

_rambling. I'm in tears. It means a lot that my mother (even if she's not my biological _

_mother) is sticking up for me so. But at the cost of her marriage to my Dad—who _

_before this was the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. I put these dark clouds over _

_my family. Sometimes I think that the world would be better off without me. (I'm not _

_going to do it, but sometimes I do think of suicide). And I miss my brother Drake. _

_My heart aches for him so. I was going to go to Sephora and check out the new _

_NARS blush shades for the season, but I think I'm just going to take a long, hot, _

_bath and cry while I shave my legs._

_Hugs to the best internet group ever,_

_Dina Nichols_

_P.S.—According to the timeline you sent Randi—It says I should be starting _

_therapy. I've been in therapy (for gender issues) since junior high. LOL _

_message sent._


	7. Complications

**Chapter 7**

**Complications **

…**3 months later**

Mindy sat on her porch. It was raining through the sunshine. She had her digital camera

on her lap and thought it'd be a good time for the heavens to create a rainbow. She was

nervous and had no one to talk to. Dina had enough problems and so did her mother.

Mindy didn't want to add to all the unpleasantness. Something was bugging her. Well, a

few things were annoying her lately. The uneducated (even those with actual college

degrees) who didn't see their obviously bigotry. People like Walter Nichols who couldn't

see this happening. It wasn't real to him. It wasn't true to his universe so therefore it

couldn't be genuine. This was going on in more homes in the world then he probably

could never face the facts to admit to anyone even himself. Her girlfriend thought she

was the one responsible for breaking up the family unit when in reality it was Walter and

Drake. At least the latter was in Washington. Too bad he couldn't be on Saturn. No

make that Pluto. No make that out of the Milky Way. She was able to tolerate her

ignorant parents they had no interaction with Dina. What the Crenshaw's thought didn't

matter. It carried no weight. They were strangers. Just like the ignorant masses that

would say things in their speeding cars through their open windows.

Mindy took a folded pamphlet out of her jeans pocket. Did it have to go this far? No, she

wasn't having doubts. She bit her lip turning her head around to make sure her parents

weren't in the open doorway. Mindy stood up and went to the small table on porch to

reach for her cell phone.

"…I'll get her for you."

"No, Audrey. I'd like to talk to you---Actually, I'd rather talk to someone else. The last

thing you need is more tension."

"Don't worry about it. Do you want to meet at Rutherford's in a half hour?"

"Yes. Are you sure it's okay?"

"Of course it is, Mindy."

The rain stopped. She scanned the sky and had her camera ready, but alas, no

rainbow.

Mindy put her hands through the silk scarves that were on display in the women's

section on the first floor by the side entrance. How fitting that they meet in this section of

the store.

She actually liked the yellow one for herself. Mindy was more feminine than anyone gave

her credit for.

"Hello, Mindy."

The poor girl jumped about ten feet in the air.

"Hi, Audrey."

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"No—I'm just a nervous wreck. Like you probably are."

She must have made about a hundred folds in the brochure.

"Did you want to talk about what's in your hand?"

"Yeah. And I can't very well do it with Dina…I'm afraid we'll argue. This scares me so

much."

"I know. I have the same pamphlet too. You're not alone, honey. This step frightens me

the most of all the steps. Come on, let me take you to third floor and we'll grab a

coffee—better make that decaf—and we can sit and talk about things."

Mindy sighed, "Thank you, Audrey. I didn't want to add to your plate."

"No worries. We're _all_ in this together."

They were. Except for Drake and Walter who decided to make it all about them with no

cares for Dina, Audrey, Megan, and anyone else in the family who dared to be pro in

this con mainstream world.

It was three hours later when Audrey came home. It was good to be able to have a

sounding board in Mindy. Both were concerned for Dina's welfare and only wanted the

best for her.

The house was quiet. Megan was in her room doing her homework racking up empty 'A'

pluses for subjects that didn't really matter. Audrey knocked on Dina's door. She'd have

done the same if it were Josh.

"Come in." Josh/Dina started his/her online diary. It was one thing to be able to talk on

discussion boards and have meetings in Santa Monica with the ones who lived close.

And talking in therapy could be just as much overly clinical as it was helpful. But writing

ones own thoughts out was a form of therapy itself.

…_The shocked people say they can't see this happening. In their world all they can _

_see is Josh Nichols and they can't get passed that. These are the well-meaning _

_people. Sometimes I prefer the stone and insult throwers at least they're genuine. The _

_ones who start a sentence with "I don't hate you, but…"—I wonder at night, when they _

_say that, they really mean they do hate me and they can't accept who I really am…It _

_reminds me of the brave homosexual coming out stories, you really can tell who your _

_real friends are…Later_

"Hi." Audrey sat on the bed.

"Is everything all right, Mom?"

"I had a talk with Mindy."

"I knew it," He/She threw a pencil in the air, "She wants to break up with me…I can't say I

blame her----"

"Dina, Mindy does not want to break up with you."

Josh/Dina would blame the hormones if it weren't the fact that nervous worry was part of

his/her personality since day one.

"What is it then?"

"You've been very honest and that's very admirable. So, I want to be just as honest and

say we're both apprehensive about the surgery."

"You mean the vaginoplasty?"

"No—well yes, but not in the way you think. Mindy and I are worried about the FFS."

The facial feminization surgery seemed to have more risks than any of the other

surgeries combined. A person could just as well die from a tonsillectomy. But tell that to

a concerned parent and girlfriend.

"Mom," Josh/Dina sat on the bed next to her and put his/head on Audrey's shoulder, "I'm

scared too. I really am."

You needed the face to be believable. Otherwise everything else was moot.

Most people in the community said it was more important to have the face. If your face

wasn't done correctly or if you thought you could pass without any surgery more doors

were open for ridicule as well as the doors that closed for job interviews. Granted a

good lawyer could get you out of the latter problem but who wants to spend their whole

life in litigation?

"Blood clots, pneumonia, necrosis, facial paralysis, allergic reactions that cause

shock….the list goes on. We just want you to know there are other options."

"What _other _options, Mom? The face is the key to my new life. If I had an effeminate face

I might be able to get away with it. Just like some people I know who don't need the

bony work done and only need soft tissue work. I know there's many risks involved…it's

what keeps me up at night the most. But I cannot run away now."

"I know, Honey. I love you so much. If anything happened to you---"

"I love the both of you for caring so."

She hugged her daughter tight. Noticing the feel of the small developing breasts from

the hormone therapy. Audrey hoped that Dina wouldn't go too far on the breast

augmentation surgery. If you weren't believable you were destined to a life of scorn

forever.

You couldn't stop the bigots of the world. Whether they protested in the streets throwing

tomatoes (or worse) or they were just armchair name callers like Archie Bunker you

were powerless to stop them.

"You will have the best care that money can buy."

Josh/Dina wished at that moment for a cigarette. Who cared about a 'little lung cancer'

at this point?

"Mom---I don't get why you care so much. You were supportive right from the start with

no grieving time. My question is why?"

"Because," Audrey smoothed her bangs, "I love you. But I don't think that's what you're

getting at." She had to stand up to stretch her legs.

"No. There's something else."

"You're right, Dina, and I should have told you this the moment you bared your soul a few

months ago. When I was a freshmen at USC my roommate was Louise Duncan, I had

no idea she was born Louis Dougan. Even back then if you could get a great surgeon it

made all of the difference. She was able to get her surgery at sixteen in Europe. But,

what I remember most was the vivid hatred from our classmates when the word came

out. And how most of the staff was not supportive. She never finished that semester and

one morning when I woke up she was gone. This was before the days of instant

messaging and the internet and I've tried looking for her. Just to tell her I remember our

brief friendship and that I'm sorry for all the terrible things that happened to her."

Josh/Dina stood up, "I'm sorry too. This is complicated enough without having to deal

with prejudice. It hurts a great deal when they are in your own family."

"I had a feeling Louise ran—even though she already had the surgery and could pass. I

think she retreated to where no one would know her name. And I don't want you to run,

Dina. We'll get through this."

"If I can put up with four hour painful electrolysis sessions…I know I can get through the

rest."

"That's my GIRL."

"You're the best, Mom."

Audrey Nichols _was _the best mom ever. Josh/Dina was lucky to have that much needed

support. He/She wanted to ask about Drake, but Mom was always hesitant with the

information. All that was known was that she reunited her son with his guitars. One of the

worst complications of all transition wasn't the physical; it was the mental part of the

equation.

Drake _was_ needed and due to his own ignorance and intolerance he was a miserable

angry teen in Washington.

"What's wrong? You look like you want to cry." Maybe it was just hormonal. Birth women

went through those feelings all the time, transgendered male to females were no

different.

More hugs as Audrey felt the solid sobs on her shoulder.

"_I miss Drake._ Sometimes, _I need him_ more than I do Dad. We shared so many

moments together_. I miss Drake_ so much, Mom. _I need him_. _I really could use his _

_support right now. I need him..."_

And the band played on….


	8. Stored Future

**Chapter 8**

**Stored for the Future**

…**2 nights later**

The leggy blonde model with the big breasts was demonstrating this self-described

wrinkle serum on a cable television home shopping channel. She might have been nip,

tucked, and filled with silicone and botox to the nth degree but Rita Lynne did have this

flowing femininity about her that made Dina stop flipping the channels on the Crenshaw

television. Mindy was attempting to bake cookies as her parents were out at some

boring art exhibit slash wine and cheese gathering. The cookies were chocolate,

oatmeal, and raisin. She was going to make them for the past holidays, but due to the

stress everyone was under the teenage girl didn't have the time. Mindy once saw her

mother goof up while making chocolate chip kiss cookies and instead of just rectifying

the simple mistake she threw the ingredients in the garbage disposal and started over

because it wasn't JUST SO.

"Mindy, do you need help with the cookies?"

"No, thanks, Dina. Stay in the living room. I know what I'm doing."

"You know I can only stay until ten."

"I know. Did you buy the Wrinkle Eradicator?"

"No. I'm only seventeen."

"It was a joke. Sorry. What's the difference between baking powder and baking soda?"

"That's it. I'll finish the cookies."

"I don't want you to get your dress dirty."

"Mindy, there's a marvelous invention called detergent that takes care of such things."

"I'm sorry to be such a bother." She tore her white apron off and threw it down on the

table and ran to the back porch.

"Mindy, you aren't a bother. If anyone is it's me."

She put her arms around her girlfriend, "You aren't a bother. I just wanted to do

something girly."

"I can teach you how to make cookies."

"I'm sorry for being bitchy, Dina."

"That's been going around. I love your apricot lip gloss."

"I noticed you took my extra tube yesterday."

"It went with my peach blouse."

They kissed under the glow of the moon and the porch light.

"I can't argue with that."

"Mindy, I need to talk to you about something before I lose my nerve. Let's sit on the

stairs."

"There's a run in the back of your pantyhose."

"I got caught on the car door—I have clear nail polish in my purse. But that's not what I

want to talk to you about."

"Sorry for interrupting."

"I've been keep something from you…."

"I don't know what it could possibly be—did you change your mind about the facial

surgery?"

"NO! That is not an option. Sorry for snapping again. My former persona Josh did

something for YOU Mindy. I wasn't going to keep it from you, honest. I just didn't know

how you were going to handle the news."

Mindy held Josh/Dina's hand tight, "I've handled everything else so far."

"True, but this is different."

"Are you in love someone from your Yahoogroup?"

"NO! And by the way they're all female. You've got to let me talk, please…"

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"I don't know how long we're going to be together. Not because of the transgender

situation. Just because no one knows, one thing I learned in this life is that there are no

guarantees…."

"Quite frankly you're scaring me."

"No one knows this not even my Mom or Grammy they have enough to deal with, you

know? I went to the Cryopreservation Institute of San Diego and just incase we want to

have a family someday. My sperm is stored there."

It was just another hurdle to jump over and another financial burden too.

It cost a yearly fee of three hundred and fifty dollars to store them and who was to say

that Mindy would even want to have children she never mentioned it in all their time of

going together.

Mindy squeezed Dina's hand tighter and held it up to her mouth to kiss it.

"Thank you. I never gave thought to children. But you are such a kind hearted soul to

think of me."

"I always think of you."

And Drake. Not a day went by without a thought. Wondering how he was doing? Did he

resent Audrey for her sending him to Washington so that Dina could prosper? Which

was tough to do in a house with a judgmental and unaccepting father.

Spring meant renewal and hopefully a better road ahead. The holidays were here and

gone three months ago, but you'd never know it in the Nichols-Parker house. There was

no talk about a tree, no one mentioned presents, or if Drake would be coming home for

the holidays. Audrey purchased a small table top pre-lighted tree at Smart-Aid and was

done with it. Presents were exchanged by some of the family, but it was all so different

now. And what kind of holiday was it without the whole family together? It was an empty

going through the motions day and it tore Josh/Dina's spirit apart at the very core.

Because even though there were material things, there was no father or brother to share

what used to be a special family time. It was one of the worst Christmases on record

that Josh/Dina ever had. But here it was a few weeks until spring to restore the soul and

change the body. It was still going to be almost another year before the facial surgery,

but it was another day closer to when this male lie became the female truth on the

outside.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Mindy was determined to not be her mother.

Kissing and polite fondling had to be the status quo until the all the surgeries were

complete. Mindy knew this. She wanted to be feminine as well.

"Could we just cuddle?"

Boy, there was a phrase that Drake Parker probably never uttered unless it was a sham

to get laid.

"Sure," Mindy sighed, not sure of what the future was going to bring them, "Anything you

want."


	9. Apple Strudel Talk

**Chapter 9**

**Apple Strudel Talk**

…**2 months later**

It smelled like serenity and warmth in the Nichols-Parker kitchen. There were no scented

candles lighted or a deodorizer sprayed around the premises. It came the old fashioned

way with the smell of freshly cut Granny Smith apples and cinnamon sticks that came

from the spice aisle and not the ones in the cheap jars on the spice rack. Audrey was

not really the baker in the family and her idea of making something was cutting logs of

cookie dough and placing them on a cookie sheet.

It certainly made the place seem homey and attractive to any potential buyers if Audrey

and Walter were going to sell the place.

"She's going to be so happy to see you." Audrey said putting two cups of English blend

tea on the counter.

Grammy cut her Caribbean vacation short to see her grandDAUGHTER and she also

wanted to slap the ignorance off Walter.

The latter she knew was not going to do a damn bit of good and Drakey. She thought he

was good kid after all. The older woman was disillusioned in him and was this close to

calling Uncle Richard's house in Washington to yell at him long distance.

What a disappointment he turned out to be. Grammy's first instincts were right, he was a

lazy punk after all.

"And the same goes for me. Do you have a micro plane grater for the FRESH nutmeg,

dear?"

"Yes," Audrey just had to remember where she put it last, "I think it's in this drawer…."

"Thanks. And how is Dina's job at the cinema?"

"Great. I'm very impressed with Helen Du'Bois. If anyone tries to start trouble she's

ready with her baseball bat."

Legal, ethical, or not Audrey was grateful that someone else was looking after her

daughter.

It also helped that everyone wore the same black pants, blue button down shirt, red vest,

and comfortable sneakers uniform so apart from some small gold stud ball earrings,

slight make up, and perfume there was no one to cat call, "Hey, Queer Boy! Why are you

wearing a dress?"

"I'm glad to hear that." How noticeable that for the most part it was the women who were

most supportive. Were the men in this family really that threatened? They weren't all like

that, but they certainly gave the opposite gender a bad name.

"She's going to love the apple strudel. Sometimes Dina is so upset by a particular event

or person I can barely get her to eat."

"I'll take care of that." Grammy was always there for Josh and would continue to be an

integral part of Dina's life. It was really that simple.

**3 hours later:**

"How was your shift at work?" Asked Audrey when Dina came through the door. The

corset making the red vest curvy and the bra worn inside of the built in bra an attempt at

what he/she hoped surgery would accomplish.

"All right."

"Sit down. I have a surprise for you."

"Something smells good…did you make Grammy's apple strudel?"

"No! I made it." Grammy came in from the swinging door holding the clear baking dish.

"Grammy!"

She put down the dish so she could get the biggest hug ever.

"Let me look at you!"

"I'll look better."

"You're _beautiful._"

A kiss placed on both cheeks made his/her heart race over the feelings of acceptance.

"I hope you're hungry for a piece of apple strudel?" Audrey opened the refrigerator to

take out a carton of milk.

"Of course. It means a great deal to me that you are here, Grammy. You cut your

vacation short."

"You're just more important. I'm going to stay here for as long you need me." She cut

three pieces of the strudel and placed them on light blue dessert plates.

He/She touched her hand. "Thank you. The women in this family rock."

Grammy wouldn't bring up Drake or Walter not after seeing the earnest smile on Dina's

face.

Megan came in without any words or fanfare. She liked Grammy Nichols. Audrey gave

her some strudel and a glass of milk as well.

"We do. Now, while you eat that let me get you a present."

"Grammy you already purchased me several nice sweaters…."

"And it's the Grandmother's Rule Book that I can purchase my grandchildren whatever I

desire," She opened up her purse and took out a rectangular shaped slim box, "And I

love to see you smile…"

"Oh my—it's the _Finding Your Female Voice_ DVD's!"

There wasn't an approved surgery for this and many people came out sounding worse

or no difference and it was generally frowned upon in the transgender universe.

"Your mom told me you were having trouble doing this on your own."

"I can't whisper in real life situations." That was the only way He/She felt that the natural

voice sounded feminine at all. This would be a big help. These DVDs were highly

recommended.

"No, you _are_ a woman," Grammy held up her tea cup, "And I want to hear you roar!"

They toasted their respective tea and milk glasses.

The men in this family be damned.


	10. Rain

**Chapter 10**

**Rain**

…**4 months later**

Drake put his hands around the bottom of the beer bottle. He didn't get carded even

though his friend Ed Kramer whom he met at JFK Memorial High in Burien was the king

of fake ID's in the Northwest. It was no different from Belleview High back home. There

were the same cliques, the same token hot girls that wanted to be on his arm, and the

same teachers who expected things out of him. He graduated with his D average in tact

and when he turned 18 and Uncle Richard was at his job at Clark Security Products he

packed his bags and guitars and roomed with Ed and Gary Martin, another school

slacker from JFK. He had to do something he hated and that was to supplement his

income by working at the Northgate Mall washing dishes of all things at the Azteca

Mexican restaurant because the gigs weren't as steady as they were in San Diego. He

smelled like spices and his hands felt like sandpaper.

He didn't even call his Mother and that made him put the bottle to his lips. Uncle Richard

probably contacted Audrey already and told him he left on his eighteenth birthday.

She didn't own him anymore.

"Another Sam Adams?" Stanley the bartender asked him

"Sure."

What else was there?

It was raining. What a surprise. And he had no desire to do anything but sit at the bar

and get plastered until it cleared up.

**Los Angeles, CA**

Yesterday was the scalp advance; forehead recontouring, brow lift and trachea shave

with Dr. Emily Wilson (formerly Eric Wilson) at Los Angeles Cedars-Sinai. Megan

jumped in the puddles outside the entrance of the Butterfly Retreat where Dina and

other transgendered patients were recovering in a non-judgmental environment. There

would be another facial surgery next year for the jaw, chin, and the optional rhinoplasty,

which Dina was adamant, be done. Then the bottom half surgery would be completed

by a different doctor five months after the last facial surgery.

"There you are, Megan." Said Mindy who sat on the green park bench.

"I don't need you to check up on me."

"I wasn't," She opened up her purse to take out a pack of Marlboro Lights, "I need a

smoke. Don't tell your Mom, Grammy, or Dina."

"I don't care if you smoke. It's your lungs."

"Did you get your first period yet, Megan? Because you are certainly acting very bitchy

lately."

"Pardon me for having feelings. I'm sure you know about the second mortgage. And I

don't fault Dina for that. Walter—the prick. May I have a drag of your cigarette?"

"Megan! You're a minor!"

"Spare me."

Grammy also sold her house to help with the expenses.

Their family was torn apart so how appropriate for the past two days here it's been

storming.

"All right, but be quick…."

Mindy was fearful of the video camera that was perched on the light fixture. She didn't

need to be arrested for giving a cigarette to a minor.

Megan coughed after she took two half-hearted puffs before handing the cancer stick

back to Mindy.

"How come you aren't with Dina?"

"She's sleeping."

"I miss Drake," Megan sighed as she sat next to Mindy on the bench, "I know you don't."

"He's your brother." Mindy replied matter-of-factly.

Between Megan and Dina why couldn't they just be happy that he was finally out of their

lives for good?

Mindy never wanted to see him again. He hurt Dina and was about as supportive as a

raging pit bull as far as she was concerned he could rot away in Washington state.

"Why doesn't he call? He just left Uncle Richard's on his 18th birthday."

"Because he's a selfish person."

"No, he's not!" Megan stood up. While she wished her older brother were supportive of

her other older brother missing him seemed to take precedence over anything else. "I

lost my stable family! You _are_ the selfish one, Mindy Crenshaw!"

Mindy didn't answer the hurting girl. She just let the angry pre-pubescent girl run away to

the market that was around the corner as the dark clouds were about to open up again.

**Burien, WA**

It was a few hours later and the bartender stopped serving Drake any alcohol over two

hours ago and gave him a complimentary turkey sandwich and a black cup of coffee.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?"

"No, I'm fine. I'll pay for the---"

"No, Drake, it's on the house."

"Thanks, Stanley. I'm going home. See you tomorrow."

The storm wasn't showing any signs of stopping. All he wanted to do was crawl in his

sofa bed and fall asleep for three weeks. Ed and Gary better not be having any skanks

spending the night. The last thing he wanted was to do deal with an eager-to-please

woman who would only suck his dick and go home to tell their "one million best-est

girlfriends" about it in their hedonistic Live Journals and secret back door message

boards.

He had to drive an ugly car, a beige, two-door, early eighties model Chevy Impala which

was parked two blocks away. The rain was coming down in small droplets. It felt good

on his neck.

"What's the matter, SISSYGIRL?" Came a macho voice from the back alley.

"Leave me alone!" replied a male voice.

Drake stopped in his tracks wondering for a brief second if he should turn around and

get involved.

**Los Angeles, CA**

"Megan! You're all wet!" Audrey said when she returned fifteen minutes later with a

chocolate bar and a box of Boo Boo Bees that would go unshared.

"Sorry, Mommy."

They were in the parents/friends support room. They were the only ones there at the

moment. Audrey met a nice mother named Julia who was the only one in her family to

support Bob becoming Bobbie.

"Well go up to our room and change into dry clothes before you get pneumonia."

"I lost the card key." Which was unlike Megan

Audrey sighed and opened up her purse to give her daughter her card key that was in

her wallet.

"Don't lose this, Megan."

"I won't. Where's Grammy?"

"She went to Lauren's Boutique a few blocks away to get Dina a present."

Megan was starting to get sick of all the gifts and constant rewarding that Dina was

receiving.

"We're never going to see him again." And Audrey knew she wasn't referring to Walter.

Megan ran away before she would be caught crying.

Audrey took the plastic picture insert out of the flap. There was no word about Drake

since he left Uncle Richard's. There was a rumor that he was spotted around Burien.

What could she do? It was his legal right to never see them again if he chose to do so.

She put her hand on the photo of her first born child who at ten years old was on the

youth soccer team before he got into music and girls.

"I love you." The worn mother said to the empty air as she tenderly kissed the plastic

covered photo.

**Burien, WA**

"STOP IT!" Drake pushed the tough guy off the victim. Guy? Girl? Whatever. Her curly

blonde wig was by the dumpster and her pantyhose torn. Not to mention the cuts and

bruises.

The tough guy who looked like the typical football defensive end with "no neck"

"Are you a Queer lover?"

Drake was convinced this guy had some weapon on him.

"Just leave him alone!"

This could get ugly and Drake Parker was happy that the tough guy who smelled like a

Milwaukee brewery lunged forward only to run a few feet away by the side of the road to

puke and pass out by a tree.

"Thank you."

"Uh-huh. Do you need a ride somewhere?"

"Yeah." Came the reply.

One heel was torn off the forties style pink pump.

Drake did his best by keeping his distance. It's not like he approved. It was just the right

thing to do. He didn't need to be charged with something because he didn't stop the

attack on this—this—person.

It's not like he gave a shit or anything.

**Los Angeles, CA**

Mindy picked up the remote control off the table and turned off the Dr. Phil/Oprah two

hour block. While Dina slept in the bed that was in the upright position. Her face was

bandaged and swollen and the only things she wanted were drugs to relieve the pain

and that insufferable moron.

Mindy put her finger on the bed control to put the bed down in the flat position. Her life

was changing too, but you didn't hear her complain. She had to put off college and deny

her full scholarship to Princeton to get a job at the Quiggly Mart just to help out. Her

family disowned her too, but that wasn't the family that mattered to anyone else.

She pulled her chair back to the side of the bed to hold Dina's hand. Mindy wished they

could just start living their lives already and that Dina would stop wishing for a

reconciliation that would never come.

He was scum.

**Burien, WA**

Drake never gripped the steering wheel tighter in all of his life. He was trying to bite his

tongue. Literally. To stop himself from saying something, but he just couldn't let this

moment pass.

"You know," He kept his eyes on the road, "Maybe this wouldn't have happened to you—

if you didn't DRESS like that."

The man with the smeared make up and one drooping false eyelash sighed. Great. "So

a bigot with a conscience came to my aid? How nice."

"I am _not _a bigot."

Drake almost thought of stopping the car and let this freak of nature walk out in the

storm.

"Right. Tell that to yourself in the mirror."

"I don't understand why _YOU PEOPLE_ don't wait until after your surgery. I swear _you _

_people_ enjoy being taunted."

"You people? What a jerk you are. At least I know where I stood from that creep that

beat me up. And for your information I am not transgendered. I am a cross dresser.

Formerly crudely known as being a transvestite and I suggest you find out what the

difference is. You can drop me off at the next light."

"Fine."

"I do feel sorry for the obvious person in your life that has gender issues. You probably

pushed them away, when all they wanted was your love and acceptance."

Fuck the next light.

Drake slammed on the brakes.

"Get OUT of my CAR!"

This drag idiot had no clue what he was talking about. None at all. Drake didn't know

where to go when he kicked Missy Daisy out of the car. Whose last words to him were,

"_You_ are the one with the problem."

He didn't want to go out and get drunk, he didn't want to go back to the apartment, and

he didn't want to have sex with any willing whores.

All he could do was drive around aimlessly and hope that the rain would stop.

_Josh?_

"_Can I keep my thumbs?"  
_

_"Yeah."  
_

_"I'd do it."_

"_Drake Parker you know what you are?"  
_

_"What?"  
_

_"Number One."_

"_You better get off that foot."_

"_No doubt."_

"_I love you."_

"_I know."_

"_Hug me, Brother……."_


	11. Dina Andrea Nichols Part One

**Chapter 11**

**Dina Andrea Nichols**

**Part One**

…**a year and five months later**

Calistoga, California in the Napa Valley region had a population of just fewer than six

thousand and that is where Dina and Mindy decided to start their home life. Dina still

wanted to live in California and Mindy just wanted the dust to settle already. She'd

have preferred Guam.

Mindy went from cashier at the Quiggly Mart in San Diego to Napa Valley College to

study in the Science Mathematics and Engineering (SME) Division there as well as

an evening shift doing office cleaning.

Dina kept putting her further education off and that was starting to be a sore point for

Mindy who hated the thought of Dina wasting her mind and talents by the decision to

keep putting off school until the legal documents were signed making Dina Andrea

Nichols legally official. Or so she said, because they crossed that bridge a few

months ago and Mindy didn't see Dina make any progress in the furthering

education department.

They had a modest one bedroom second floor apartment. It was a simple house with

white aluminum siding.

Dina found a work-at-home job assembling jewelry. Waiting to be healed from the

last and final surgery of the labiaplasty where the end result would be a normal

looking vulva.

Mindy said a few months ago that, that wasn't necessary over their typical

supper of whatever was on sale at the supermarket. Which usually was ramen

noodles or macaroni.

Dina replied she didn't fully understand and went to sulk in their bedroom

rather than fight over what was beginning to feel like a forced relationship. Mindy

also didn't understand the need for the long blonde hair. Dina's own dark hair was

growing and was cute. Why did she want to be blonde? It was shoulder length and

had natural big wavy curls thanks to the tastefully done hair extensions. That was just

throwing away money in Mindy's conservative fiscally eyes. Dina's family had no

more to give as far as the financial aid went.

They were truly on their own and it wasn't everything she thought it'd be.

She also didn't expect to be purchasing aids in from what was nothing but a

borderline porn catalog. Just like those creepy yet perfectly legal places along the

interstates. This made her feel a slight tinge of resentment.

Was she even appreciated?

Mindy was "the man" in this relationship and no one ever stopped to ask her if she

was okay in losing her identity along the way. She almost thought of getting a hacked

hair cut to look the clichéd part.

The bitter Mindy was in the living room on her day off from both school and work

trying to paint the windowsill scalloped style edging a faded apple green since the

landlord gave them the okay to do so last week.

It had to start looking like a home and not a place that they settled on.

She dropped the paintbrush in the can when her big eyes had to be deceiving her as

she gazed out the window.

Morning was Dina's favorite time of day. There was something cleansing about

waking up and starting to like the face that was in the mirror. The face and body that

was always on the inside was finally on the outside.

Grammy let Dina have her vanity table. It was cherry wood and a family heirloom. It

wasn't monetarily worth anything, but it was worth everything to Dina. She didn't have

a Mason-Pearson brush, but her new friend on the online support group sent her one

that belonged to her grandmother. It was real silver and had a bit of weight to it. Dina

loved brushing her hair in long strokes that would have made Marcia Brady envious.

She had already taken her shower and did her face with a light green eye shadow

and peach blush.

She wanted to leave the white terry headband in her hair, because the goal of the

day was to help Mindy with the painting.

Dina positioned it in the middle of her head. She felt like a preppy schoolgirl. She

smoothed her hands over her standby corset even with the new body a foundation

was still needed. Never one to take a million years to decide what to wear she

grabbed her sundress. It was slightly below the knee and in a nice yellow and green

stripe pattern.

It also was easy on/off and she didn't care if this one got dirty while painting.

But she didn't want her pink Ked's to get filthy, but they were the only sneakers she

had.

Admiring her frame in the full-length mirror that was glued to the inside of the closet

door she had no idea on what was going on outside.

Mindy sped like a robber leaving a convenience store after a heist to get out the front

door and on to the porch.

She knew this day was going to come.

How did he know where to find them?

"Stop right there."

She made sure to keep her voice as quiet as possible.

"Is J-Dina home?"

"Do you honestly think that I'm going to let you in our home?" Mindy stood in front of

Drake so he couldn't get passed the third step.

"If you really cared about Dina you would."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! If I really cared about Dina, you're joking

right? You humiliated her in school, you didn't attempt any contact, she cried for you

on too many occasions to even bother counting."

"I'm sorry." And if she looked into his brown regret filled eyes, Mindy the usually

astute person would have noticed this.

"Sorry? You think everything can be wiped away with a simple, 'I'm sorry'? You are

NOT welcome here, Drake. Nor will you ever be."

"That's enough." Dina opened the screen door.

Her eyes glazed over with tears. She gently pushed Mindy to the side.

"Why don't you go somewhere for awhile?"

Mindy couldn't believe what Dina had the audacity to whisper in her ear.

It was always about him!

Always!

"Fine." She shot Drake an if-looks-could-kill look and ran up the stairs to get her keys

and go for a long drive since Dina decided who was more important.

It was always about him!

Always!

And she was quite sick of it all.

"Am I welcome here?" Drake asked with hesitation in his voice. Afraid to take

another step forward. This was a new person standing in front of him and he did want

to get to know her.

He looked the same to Dina. Except for the eyes. Dina could tell it's where Drake

Parker always wore his pain. The same rock star hair, the jeans, a blue t-shirt with a

logo of some kind on it, a denim jacket, and rock star boots. That was the point.

Drake was comfortable in his masculinity.

"Of course you are," She walked towards him, "I missed you, Drake."

Dina wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. She needed it. He needed

it. They both did. Dina was glad he had her arms around her because she was in full

sob mode.

He was back.

Drake hoped that they could have a second chance to rebuild what was lost and that

Mindy wouldn't do anything to stop it.

"I missed you too," He wasn't afraid to admit he was also crying on her shoulder,

"Dina."

Dina bit her lip there were still some rocky roads that were going to have to be

traveled on and the only thing that she could hope for was that her brother would be

by her side this time.

"Why don't you come inside?"

_Author's Note: To be continued. The reason for the advance in time is because _

_this could easily become another fifty-chapter story ala Knit Cap. So, I have to _

_condense a bit._


	12. Dina Andrea Nichols Part Two

**Chapter 12**

**Dina Andrea Nichols**

**Part Two**

…**a year and five months later**

…**right where we left off**

Drake didn't know what to expect as he and Dina walked into the house together.

He was glad that The Creature was gone so they could have some uninterrupted

time, but Drake was certain that as soon as Mindy came back she would do

everything to undermine their efforts. Yet, he didn't want to say anything. Dina loved

her. Why? He didn't know. There was someone for everyone and he didn't want to

ruin anything between them.

"Drake," Dina waved her hand in front of his face, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." He sat on the brown sofa in the living room.

"Then what did I say?"

"I didn't hear you. I guess there are things on my mind."

It was nothing that he wanted to go into detail about.

"I asked if you wanted anything to drink?"

"No. I'm good. Where do we start?"

He could admit that much.

Dina stayed standing up. It was even more intimidating that she was still a few

inches taller than he was.

She picked up a green decorative pillow. It was the shade of pistachio ice cream.

"How about this? You SON of a BITCH! I needed you and you weren't there and you

have no idea on how much that hurts." She yelled as she hit her brother with the

pillow.

Drake let Dina hit him. Gone were the days when they could beat each other up to

get rid of the negative energy.

"I know. Are you sure I'm welcome here, Dina?"

"Of course you are, Drake. I just had to get that off my chest. Well actually, there's

something else I have to do."

"Are you going to throw a toaster at me?"

He thought he deserved a bullet through the chest.

"Don't be silly," she toed off her shoes and proceeded to put down the blinds, "But

there are some things that you are going to understand."

"Why did you put down the blinds?"

Dina didn't answer him. She put the lamp on and proceeded to undress before his

eyes. When Drake realized this he put a hand in front of his face and closed his

eyes.

"No!" She slapped his shoulder, "You are going to see this! Dad might be gone, but

you—there's potential there, Drake—so you better DAMN well LOOK AT ME!"

Drake knew he had to if she was set on him to see her this way. If he didn't he might

not have a relationship with her and he didn't want that to happen.

"The doctor's did a fine job."

Dina almost reached for the pillow again, but refrained. He was trying. "I didn't ask

you to critique what the doctor's did. I want you to realize that I AM A REAL

WOMAN! Well, almost---"

"Almost?"

"I drive Mindy crazy sometimes. I still have to continue with my dilation. To me, I'm

not 100 there until I finish. But I AM a woman and want to be treated with respect."

"Of course. Dilation?"

"You don't want to know, Drake." She started to pick up her clothes. She hoped she

didn't ruin her corset with the swift way she took it off.

"Yeah, I do."

"It's to make the opening bigger down there."

Drake pretended to hide the wince. "I see."

"You don't have to hide being grossed out. It is rather disgusting. Now this is the last

time you ever going to see me naked. I'm going upstairs to change. I hope you'll still

be here when I return. But if you aren't my tears for you are done."

She didn't even give Drake a chance to respond. He let out a big sigh before

getting up to turn off the lamp and open the blinds. Drake felt like that child that

wanders away from his parents at the mall. They hug and kiss you upon your return

and then spend the whole ride in the car yelling at you regarding the awful thing

you've done. And Drake knew that he did the most awful thing ever. He never got to

say goodbye to Josh. He abandoned Dina. Even when Audrey sent him to live with

Uncle Richard he still could've initiated some form of contact. He deserved more

punishment than being hit by a pillow and yelled at.

Drake Parker was selfish and he knew it.

Would it ever be okay between them?

Dina changed into a denim skirt and a candy apple red v-neck t-shirt. Her heart

almost skipped a beat when she saw that Drake wasn't in the living room, but it

retracted when she heard the sound of a soda can being opened from the kitchen.

"There you are, Drake…I thought you---"

"No, I'm still here. You don't mind that I took a soda?"

It wasn't Mocha Cola. But root beer was good enough.

"Of course, not." Dina nervously put her hair behind her one ear.

"This is a nice apartment."

"It's a shithole. Are you hungry? I could use some lunch."

"Are you sure it's no trouble?"

"It's no trouble. How was Washington?"

"Terrible."

The kitchen was small. The table only had room for two chairs. Drake noticed the

claustrophobic feeling of it all when he went to get a soda out of the old early sixties

White-Westinghouse refrigerator.

"Is a grilled cheese fine?" Dina did find tomatoes at the supermarket and Mindy was

quite pissed off that she didn't buy plums instead.

"Sure. As long as you have one too."

"You didn't make any friends?"

"Not really. I never should've been there in the first place."

"How's your music?"

"I can't talk like nothing is wrong," Drake wiped the condensation off the can with his

hand, "I feel like I don't have the right."

Dina turned around making sure to turn the heat down on the stove.

"It'll take time and you do have the right to have good things happen to you, Drake."

Wow. His self-confidence seemed to have taken a direct hit. Mindy would have

thought he deserved it, but Dina didn't believe in an eye for an eye.

It was also noted that Drake was truly sorry for the hurtful things he did and said.

He smiled a faint smile, "To answer your question. My music got nowhere in

Washington."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want chips with yours?"

"No." He felt like a heel eating their food.

"Honey barbeque. I know you like those."

"Okay, as long as you're having some."

Dina wouldn't argue with the "as long as you're having it" mentality that Drake was

sporting. Her brother was coping the best he could under the circumstances and

Dina wouldn't fault him for his nervousness.

He was here and that meant more to her than getting to meet Oprah Winfrey

someday.

"Do you want a pickle?"

"If you---"

"Drake you can have a pickle even if I don't want one right now."

"Josh," Drake wished he could just disappear in a cloud of smoke, "Oh, Dina…I'm

so sorry."

"It's all right. Stop beating yourself up over an honest slip of the tongue." She put the

two plates on the table and sat to join her brother. Only to get up a minute later

because she forgot the lemon-lime soda for herself and another root beer for Drake.

"Thanks for making me lunch. You didn't have to."

Sometimes Dina was a better cook than Audrey.

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. Big difference."

"So, what are you doing with yourself? Work? School?"

"I work for Jewelz4U. I assemble jewelry at home."

"That's---nice?"

It couldn't have been what she wanted.

"It pays the bills. Do you want the rest of my chips? I can't finish."

"Sure. I'm going to have to leave soon, I have to see Mom and Megan too."

"You didn't see them first?"

"No. No one was home when I went to the house. I was surprised when my key still

worked."

"Mom wouldn't change the locks on you."

Dina hoped that Megan would snap out of her mini rebellious phase once she saw

Drake again. She got caught smoking, skipped a few a classes, and although she

didn't get caught. She admitted to spray painting school property.

"That's good to know."

"You saw me first? Thanks." And it was an eight hour drive from San Diego.

He must have dug around in Audrey's desk drawer and that's how he found the

address.

"You're welcome. I wanted to. Now, you'll have to excuse me," Drake stood up, "I

need to get something out of my car."

What was he up to?

Dina didn't feel like doing the dishes. She just put them in the sink and lightly rinsed

them with the sink hose.

"Dina, you can come into the living room now."

"Drake, you didn't have to buy me anything." She replied upon seeing the tall purple

and pink shopping bag with the words 'Happy Anniversary' on it.

"I know. I wanted to. And there seems to be a lot of that going around lately." He

reached in and handed Dina a small square package wrapped in white wrapping

paper with pink stripes on it.

It was a bottle of Tiffany Sheer perfume.

"Oh, Drake, this is nice."

"I don't know what fragrance you like…but I figured you'd need to start your perfume

collection."

"Thank you," A quick kiss on the cheek for the best brother in the world.

"Well, there's more, but you're going to have to close your eyes."

Dina liked seeing a little bit of the famous Drake Parker spark in his eyes that she

happily obliged.

Mindy came in through the back door of the kitchen and was beyond pissed that he

was still here as she watched Drake bribe Dina with gift after gift from the archway.

Dina felt a square shaped box on her lap. It was empty because Drake wanted to

assemble whatever was in it.

"You can open your eyes now, Dina."

It was a Gamesphere Special Edition.

Not only was it spherical but it was green.

"The new Gamesphere!" She put the box off to the side next to the sofa.

He had already hooked it up to the TV.

"Do you want to play?"

"I haven't played video games in a very long time." Or did any magic tricks. Drake's

eyes went downcast.

"Oh, I didn't know you don----"

"Drake, I didn't say I didn't like video games anymore. I said I haven't played video

games in a very long time. I would love to play and beat your ass at all these

games—but you have a long drive to San Diego."

Mindy slithered back into the kitchen. He was certain he'd be leaving out the front

door since that's where his car was parked outside.

She grabbed her black sweater and put it on as she walked Drake to his car.

Mindy returned to her spot by the window where she was painting. Her stomach

feeling sick watching them hug goodbye. She was going to have to put a stop to this

before Drake could cause Dina and herself any more pain.

"I love you." Dina said

"I know."

Drake put the window down when he got into the car as they discussed future visits

and plans.

"As long as you're not a stranger."

"I won't be," Drake held Dina's hand tight. He was grateful for the second chance, "I'll

call you tomorrow."

"Have a safe trip. Say hi to Mom and Megan for me. Tell Mom I'll call her

soon."

"I will. I'll see ya later."

"Bye, Drake." She started to turn around to walk towards the porch so she could

wave to him from a distance to try and camouflage the recent flow of tears.

"And Dina?"

"Yeah?"

_"You're beautiful…"_


	13. Poison

**Chapter 13**

**Poison**

…**same night**

Mindy locked herself in the bathroom. She didn't know why she bothered as Dina was

downstairs playing with that stupid video game that Drake purchased. It had "the

purple controller and everything" which apparently was supposed to mean something.

She never should have given them time alone. How was she going to undo this?

Maybe the answer would come to her if she disinfected the toilet instead of sitting

on the clothes hamper trying to ponder the best way to handle this delicate situation.

Damn him. Thinking he could come back and make everything right with a bunch of

tacked on "sorry's" and a bag of presents.

It always had to be about Drake didn't it? Well, Mindy was going to do her best to

make sure he was gone from their lives forever.

**11:00PM**

Drake should have arrived in San Diego at five after ten o'clock, but he always got

distracted when he went for something to eat. He thought of calling Audrey, but then

he figured he'd rather surprise her. He parked in the driveway. The only light that was

on was in the kitchen. Drake felt his stomach flutter with butterflies and he didn't know

why he was nervous. This was his mother and sister. They'd be proud of him for

contacting Dina and trying to reestablish a relationship.

No one was in the kitchen.

"Mom, Megan..." Drake called out while putting his keys in his back pocket.

He knew Walter was gone, but he didn't know the details. So much for having a

relationship with his new father.

"Mom..."

"She's not here."

Megan? Her voice sounded so cold

"Megan?"

"So are you back?"

She looked so different and not in the puberty sense of different. Her long hair was

gone. She had a short and spikey cut that was dyed purple in the front and green in

the back. Her idea of PJ's was a baggy black t-shirt that said "Fuck Authority" on it

and a pair of black jogging pants that were ripped in various places.

Drake noticed the three earring holes in each ear and the nose ring.

"Uh yeah."

"Who cares?" She went passed him to get a Mocha Cola out of the refrigerator.

"How are you Megan?"

"Too little, too late."

He wouldn't push her, "Where's Mom?"

"Not here."

"I can see that."

"She's working at the IHOP."

"Dina didn't mention that?"

"Oh, you've finally come off your high horse about that? And Dina doesn't know. As

always Mom only cares about her happiness and we cannot upset Dina. So yes,

Mom has another job because we are beyond broke. Didn't you notice the sign? You

were here earlier when you went through Mom's desk drawer."

"What sign?"

"The sign in the front yard, you boob!"

God was he getting on her last nerve.

Drake walked to the front door and sure enough there was a sign there all right. The

sign was from Access Realty with a yellow PENDING sticker on it.

Their house was going to be no more.

Fuck.

How did this happen?

Drake sat on the sofa in the living room not knowing if he should call Dina on his cell

phone and tell her about this.

Maybe tomorrow morning would better.

"How did this happen?" He said out loud

"If you were here you would have known. I'm going up to my room. _Don't you think of _

_bothering me_."

The way Megan said her last words 'don't you think of bothering me' sounded like a

veiled attempt at a threat. His little practical joke playing sister changed too and not

for the better.

Drake turned on the TV to KDJY—and the weatherman was not Walter Nichols.

He sighed and turned the television off.

Dina wasn't the only one who went through a metamorphosis. It seemed like everyone

in this family went through their own internal changes.

He walked to the kitchen at the same time Audrey was coming through the backdoor

with three paper grocery store bags.

"I got it." He put the bag on the kitchen table.

"Drake," she almost dropped the other two bags as they fell on the table "You've

come home."

She was wearing a blue t-shirt with the IHOP logo, a pair of black pants, and black

sneakers.

Audrey Parker looked like she aged about twenty years since the last time he was in

this house.

"Yes."

They hugged each other.

"I saw Dina today."

"You did? That's great!" That news perked her tired body up.

"Mom, you sit down. I'll put the groceries away. Is it so bad around here that you have

to have a second job waiting tables at IHOP?"

More guilt was building up inside him. Dina would say it wasn't his fault, but it was. If

he was supportive to Dina like he should've been that would have meant that he

would've been there for Megan. And financially, he could've given his mother his gig

money.

"We can talk about that and other things later." She kicked off her sneakers.

Too tired to get a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

"I'm sorry—I know it sounds like a line of bullshit, but I really am."

Audrey held her son's hand. "Don't you worry, Drake. I'm just glad that you finally

returned back home."

**Dina & Mindy's Bedroom:**

"It took you long enough to come upstairs," Mindy said as she tightly squeezed her

pillow. "You know I have a busy schedule."

"And I don't? You've been quiet all night, Mindy. You wait until now to start in about

Drake. Am I right?" Not five seconds in the bed and she has to start?

"I'm NOT starting in about Drake, Dina. So what? You can forgive him now after a

bunch of insincere apologies and some presents?"

"I know he's done bad things. But he's trying to atone for them. And he _WAS_ sincere."

Dina did not want to have this argument.

"I'm sorry, Dina," Mindy tried to snuggle in closer, "I know you want to see good

qualities in your brother. But you need an objective eye. He's _poison_."

"If you don't stop you'll be sleeping on the sofa."

"Why? Just because I'm trying to talk some sense into my girlfriend? Think about all

the selfish and manipulative things he's done over the years and not just with Dina—

but it's not like Josh had a perfect relationship with him, either."

This was true, but not completely true.

They were teenagers then.

God ninety-nine percent of adolescents were selfish and manipulative?

What about the good things?

Drake let Josh keep his Zero Gravity earnings from when he played with them at the

Mega Dome, took the fall for the "brilliant popcorn idea", and even though it meant

another stint in remedial English he took the back seat and let Josh be Sammy's 'Big

Sibling'.

How come Mindy wasn't mentioning the good things that Drake has done?

He came back and wanted a relationship with her.

"Goodnight, Mindy." Dina sank in the bed and put the covers over her head.

Dina bit her lip ashamed of the thoughts creeping through her brain.

Was Drake really sincere?


	14. I Told You So

**Chapter 14**

**I Told You So**

**...2 days later**

Drake put down the phone. Dina wasn't answering. It's been two days. She was always

the type to let you know if she'd be somewhere or if she were running a little late so you

wouldn't worry. He had the classifieds section open in the San Diego Union-Tribune. He

couldn't let his mother continue to live this way. Working at her office job by day and

trying to make ends meet at the IHOP by night was not appropriate. If the house had to

be sold so be it. But Drake was happy when a few hours ago that pending buyer fell

through. It meant they could stay here just a little while longer. If he had to wash dishes

again he wasn't above it. There was something else he needed to do as he brushed the

papers off his lap. Before going upstairs he decided to try his luck with his cell. He

sighed a little bit of relief when he heard the voice, but realized it was just the voice mail.

He didn't want to leave a cold sounding message, but he guessed it was better than

nothing.

"Hey, Dina. It's Drake. I thought I'd have heard from you by now. Call me. And thanks for

the other day."

"Message deleted."

Mindy whispered to herself as she let go of the phone button. That was another close

call. She was almost successful in disabling the voice mail feature but it came back on.

Dina was in the shower as she turned the ringer off and slipped her partners phone in

her backpack.

"Did I hear the phone ring?" Dina came in their bedroom wearing a long blue terry robe

and drying her hair with a towel.

They like many others never used their regular land line phone it was just there for

emergency purposes only. And Mindy had that ringer turned off just incase Drake tried

calling that number.

"Yeah. It was my phone. My friend Tricia from school called. Sit down on the bed—I'll dry

your hair."

"Damn. I was hoping it'd be Drake. Why _hasn't_ he called?"

Dina tried to pretend that the worry was not in her voice, but it was. It always was in

these kinds of circumstances.

Mindy gently squeezed the towel to get the excess water out of Dina's hair.

"You look incredibly sexy..."

"Mindy! It's the afternoon."

"So?" She let the towel fall onto the floor as she slid the robe to expose Dina's bare

shoulders.

"You know that's my weak spot." It was definitely one of her favorite new features to use

shimmery powder on.

"Shall I get ellen out of the drawer?"

"We'll see. Let's see who get under the covers first!"

"No fair. You're naked under that robe!" She took off her shoes and threw them against

the wall. Resisting the urge to douse her hands in antibacterial hand solution she ran to

her side of the bed.

She wasn't going to say "I told you so"—not yet.

**Early evening**

Audrey had only thirty five minutes to shower and change. She was trying to make

something for the kid's to eat. Megan's school called and she was in trouble again. She

was too tired to deal with it and too worn out to open up the box on the prepackaged

noodles and sauce mix.

Drake walked in carrying a legal sized white envelope.

"Hi, Mom."

"Damn it," Audrey shouted not realizing her son was in the room when she threw the

frozen hamburger that she forgot to thaw out in the sink.

"Mom..."

"Oh Drake. I didn't see you there. Listen, here's some money," she pulled some

crumbled bills out of her pocket, "Can you order a pizza?"

"Mom! Can you sit down for a minute?"

"Drake, I'd like to take a shower before work."

"Just for a minute."

Audrey sighed. What in the hell happened to her family?

It used to be picture perfect like those sitcom families that you see on television.

"Okay, son. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's all right. This is for you."

Audrey lifted the flap from the unsealed envelope and watched the crisp new money fall

onto the table. There had to be a few thousand here.

"Where did you---"

"Not important. I called your boss Vince and went in and filled an application to be a bus

boy/dishwasher. He said I could start in a few days when the new pay period starts. And

I hope you'll quit or at least just work on the weekends."

"Drake," Audrey stood up, "I love you. You're a great son."

She gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too, Mom. And we'll get through this, I promise."

How about that? The former unaccepting kid giving his mom the encouraging word.

"I know we will."

She smiled as she walked away.

It was a few hours later when Drake knocked on Megan's bedroom door. She had a

bumper sticker tacked on that said, "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK".

"What do you want?" She used her remote control to open the door.

"Pizza's here."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat."

He didn't want to sound like a parent. But she was his sister and he was worried about

her and the path she was going down.

"Thanks bunches for the concern, Drake," she said sarcastically, "But I'm fine." She just

got her left eyebrow pierced. It hurt like hell, but there was something comforting about

the pain at the same time.

"Megan, is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"NO! Now get the _fuck _out of my room."

He noticed she was holding a lime green post-it note, he couldn't help but pull it out of

her hands.

"Hey! Give me that!" She stood up and while trying to take it out of his hands it ripped.

"Who is Shauna and why are you seeing her tonight at eight?"

"A friend from school and none of your beesguts."

"Are you?"

Not that there was anything wrong with it.

"No. And stop trying to define me with some label. I used to think you were cool, but now

you're nothing but a poser."

Drake knew when it was time to walk away and this was one of those times.

"If you want any pizza, it's in the oven." Drake closed the door behind him not saying

another word.

Megan sat back at her desk and took out the once cheerful family picture from the

center drawer. It was taken at the amusement park and they all looked so cheerful.

Drake mentioned to the stranger who took the photo to shoot it while his hair was

perfect, Josh spilled slushie on his orange and white striped t-shirt, Megan rolled her

eyes over the boobatude, and Audrey had her arms around Walter both of them smiling.

Proud of their family.

It was _NEVER_ going to be like that again.

She silently cried as she held the photo to her chest.

**Next day**

Mindy had a bad feeling in her stomach. It was so bad that she had to take off the day

from school. Dina was at the pharmacy buying her some over the counter medication.

She was just on the verge of admitting out loud that Drake was no good and Mindy

wanted to be here when it happened. The doorbell rang and she forced herself out of

bed to answer it.

Did she forget her key again?

The pain in her stomach went from the top of her priority list to the back burner when she

saw Drake standing there.

"Where's Dina?"

"She's not home. Why don't you come in for yourself and see? I don't need you thinking

I'm lying to your face, Drake."

"Mindy, fuck off. You're such an annoyance. Dina deserves better than you."

"You don't know what Dina deserves. Now if you excuse me, I have to go to the

bathroom and throw up."

"Thanks for the nightmares."

Mindy took her cell phone out of her robe pocket and put the sink water on full blast.

"...what? I'm on my way home!"

"Please, Dina. For me? It'll make me happy."

"But the old bookstore you like is 15 miles away! I have to finish a necklace order."

"I know how. I promise when you get home it'll be done."

"Okay, I'll do it, but only because I love you, Mindy."

"I love you, too."

And it really wasn't a lie she did have to throw up. Now there was only one thing left to

do.

Drake noticed the green Gamesphere unit was unplugged and put _behind_ the TV.

"Are you sure you don't want to go upstairs and spy?"

"Knock it off, Mindy. But I do have to use the bathroom...not looking forward to it after

you puked your guts in it."

"Be my guest."

Drake Parker's heart broke into a thousand pieces. The towel he used to dry his hands

after washing them fell to the floor.

The bottle of Tiffany Sheer _was in the trash_.

"_Oh, Drake, this is nice."_

He couldn't say he didn't have it coming. He treated Dina like crap and maybe she just

couldn't forgive and forget after all? Drake wiped his eyes incase there were any tears

forming and swiftly walked down the stairs, passed Mindy, and out the door. She never

saw a car speed off so fast.

"Goodbye, Drake. Don't forget to write." She curled her lips upward in a satisfactory

smile.

It was a victory. Now she had to go back upstairs and put the perfume back on Dina's

bedroom vanity.

Now the only thing left to do was to get Dina to change her mind about moving out of

state.

Where they could start their lives without anyone's interference.

_Oh Dina, I told you so._

_He's just no good._

_He's poison._

She was certain that Drake Parker would not be a problem in their relationship

anymore.

Mindy went in kitchen to finish the necklace order that Dina was working on.

After all she _promised_ that she would.


	15. Always

**Chapter 15**

**Always**

…**soon after the events in Chapter 14**

She only wanted a pack of batteries for her portable music player. She didn't

expect to see her _only_ brother sitting at his desk, his hands over his face, and

crying.

Something he rarely did. Should she make a quick getaway? Should she even

say something?

"Do you have any double 'A' batteries?"

He lifted his head up looking positively exhausted.

"Megan," Drake was startled and quickly tried to hide the fact that he was crying,

"I'll check the bottom drawer."

Unreal.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Not sure if it was a concern or a just a reflex.

"Nothing."

He replied as he handed her a pack of unopened batteries.

"You're a hypocrite."

"Excuse me?"

"_I'm_ supposed to confide in you. But _you_ won't tell me anything. Give me a break."

She started to walk away.

"Megan. Wait."

Megan walked over to the sofa and sat down. She was unsure of everyone in this

family and her place in it.

"Yeah?"

"It's Dina. I haven't heard from her in weeks. So yeah, I was crying. I screwed up

big time. I guess she didn't want to give me another chance after all. I have to live

with that."

Drake put his hands back over his face. He put his hands through his hair and felt

like the lowest person on the face of the Earth.

"You haven't spoken to her face to face?"

"No. The last time I went to her house. Mindy was the only one there. But, the

Gamesphere was unplugged and behind the TV and the perfume bottle was in

the garbage."

It seemed rather circumstantial to Megan. How come those two always took

things at face value?

"I don't think Dina hates you."

It was an honest response at least.

"Megan," Drake stood up, "It's okay. If that's how Dina wants it then I have no

choice but to respect her wishes."

"You don't have to stand up. I'll leave."

"You don't have to leave."

"I don't have to stay."

It was a long time since they dipped a stalk of celery in a peanut butter jar and

bonded over random conversation.

Megan was hardened. This is what happens to kids when their foundation gets

torn apart? Who can blame the kid? The lines of disappointments in her life were

long from their biological father, to Walter, and in her case Drake's rejection of

Dina in the beginning when she only wanted to be herself. The piercings, the

tight/ripped clothes, and the middle finger up to authority were just a

smokescreen to hide the scared little girl inside. The girl who wasn't so little

anymore, who wanted her family back to the way it used to be.

Before their world changed and everything in it.

Megan wanted to say more to her brother. But it seemed pointless as putting

clothes outside to dry on the line while it was raining. What was there left to say?

"I have to take a shower before work." He announced

So much for the kid with the rock and roll star dreams.

It was all pushed to the back burner now due to the financial trouble the family

was in.

"Later." Megan walked out of the room and closed the door.

There had to be more of this then met the eye. She was going to have to look into

this.

**Dina & Mindy's apartment**

Mindy put the travel to New England brochures on Dina's vanity table. It was a

springboard. Today was the day when she only had afternoon classes before her

evening job. She sat on the bed and waited for Dina to come upstairs with the

mail.

"No mail today?" Mindy asked when she noticed that Dina came back empty

handed.

"No mail."

"Why do you sound so down about that? It's a day without getting any bills."

"I thought maybe Drake would write."

After all he was a songwriter. Dina had clinged to that hope that he just might

write her a letter instead of phone or face contact.

Here we go again.

"You have to give up on him, Sweetie. He's a lost cause."

"I suppose he was only forced to talk to me via our Mom." Dina was tired of

crying.

She spent twenty extra minutes in the shower this morning sobbing while the

shampoo dripped down and burned her eyes. Thinking of Drake and why the

contact just stopped?

_He said I was beautiful._

_I suppose it was all a LIE._

"Enough about him. All he does is cause you stress. You have to learn to let go of

people who don't care about you, Dina, and focus on the people who do."

"What are these?"

"New England travel brochures. My break is coming up. You can take a break

from assembling jewelry. Boston sounds great. Maybe, we'll like it so much we'll

want to _stay _on the east coast. Imagine the cozy winters."

Mindy hoped that Dina would get up and join her in the bed. She smiled when she

did.

"Boston sounds lovely—for a vacation."

Dina rested her head on Mindy's chest. Yes, a vacation might be just what the

doctor ordered.

**Megan's room**

Megan sprayed the peach aerosol air freshener but all it did was mask the odor

that she just finished smoking a cigarette. She put the can down and grabbed her

cell phone off the top of her dresser.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mindy. Is Dina there?"

"I'm sorry, Megan. Dina just stepped out."

In reality she was in the kitchen making fruit cups with homemade whipped cream

for them.

"Okay. Tell her I called?"

"Of course. Is there anything else?"

"No. Bye."

This explained everything. Mindy Crenshaw had to be the reason why Drake

thought Dina hated him and vice-versa.

Now all she had to do was prove it.

**Saturday night**

Audrey had mentioned last night over yet another rushed prepackaged dinner

that Dina and Mindy were going to some of kind of music festival and they

wouldn't be home until early Sunday afternoon. Drake was happy to see his

mother take some much needed time off. Even if it was just to catch up on sleep.

He was pleased that she was tending to her own physical needs.

Megan was sitting on the washing machine. Drake was in the living room

watching TV. It was the perfect time.

"Hey Mindy, it's me Megan again. Drake and I would like to see Dina. Get back in

touch with us as soon as possible. Later."

She jumped off the washing machine and ran into the living room.

"Come on,"

"What?"

"We're going somewhere."

"Megan, I have to go to work in two hours. Not that I'm looking forward to it."

It was just another bump in the road.

Maybe, someday his music would matter again.

"Well call your boss and tell him you are not coming in today or tomorrow."

"Mom NEEDS the money!"

"I know that you, Boob! We're going to Dina's apartment."

This was more important than him washing dishes.

"What?"

"Drake, you have ten seconds to trust me on this. Otherwise, I'll knee you in the

place you don't want to be kneed."

"All right."

If Megan wanted to see Dina than Drake was happy to oblige. There was a diner

a few blocks away from their apartment where he could hideaway for a few hours.

"Wait. I just remembered Dina's not home."

"I know this. Now come on."

Megan knew this was a long distance, but she had no idea how long. She almost

made Drake break the speed limit twice. And she was pissed off at him for all of

sudden being the proper driver. When they finally arrived she didn't have to pick

the lock as she remembered that Dina hid the extra key in the hanging spider

plant pot that was on the porch. Drake seemed to be keeping his distance.

"Yo, Boob!"

"What?"

"You can't park here. You'll have to find another place. And you have to come

back."

What was this all about?

Drake wasn't about to leave her in this empty apartment by herself in the dark no

matter how older and worldly she thought she was.

"Okay." He figured he could park across the street from the diner. He wouldn't

want this crappy Impala towed. Drake figured he could get them something to eat

while they waited.

Apart from eating the food from the diner and using the bathroom the only thing

Drake and Megan Parker did that night was sleep. Megan slept on the sofa while

he slept on the floor with only the green decorative pillow (the same one that Dina

hit him with) to his head to rest on.

"Drake! What are you doing?" Megan asked about six hours later when she

heard a car pull up.

"I had to pee."

"Quick! They're coming! Hide!"

There was a narrow coat closet that Drake was able conceal himself in. Megan

hid behind one of the chairs in the living room as she took something out of her

back jeans pocket.

"I want to sleep for three weeks." Dina said throwing her suitcase down on the

floor. It would bug her later. But the only thing she wanted to do was fall asleep.

Dina hoped that Mindy wasn't angry with her over wanting to leave early.

"Okay," Mindy yawned noticing the blinking answering machine, "I'll be upstairs in

a bit."

She felt her anger rise to the surface.

"_Hey Mindy, it's me Megan again. Drake and I would like to see Dina. Get back _

_in __touch with us as soon as possible. Later."_

"Unbelievable. This has got to STOP." She pressed the delete button.

"What is?" Megan came out of hiding.

"Megan?" Mindy's heart went in her throat as she put on the lamp.

She was taken back a bit by the different colored hair and body piercings and

was almost afraid that she had a knife on her.

"It's you!"

"What are you doing here? I'm sure Dina would like to see you." Mindy bit her lip.

She didn't _see _her delete the message did she?

"I'm sure she would too. Care to explain why you deleted the message?"

"It was an accident, Megan."

"Oh really?" She pressed the button the top of the pen, "_Unbelievable. This has _

_got __to __STOP."_

Mindy heard her own voice coming out of the pen.

"Give that to me!"

Mindy reached for the pen,

"DON'T you touch my sister!" Drake came out of hiding. "I can't believe I didn't

piece it together. Dina never wanted me out of her life. _YOU_ wanted that._YOU_

unplugged the Gamesphere._YOU_ put the perfume I purchased for Dina in the

trash._YOU _deleted my messages._YOU_ _BITCH_. She probably thinks I hate her

and for what? I just hope it isn't too late."

"It isn't," Dina spoke softly, "Mindy…"

"Um, we'll wait outside." Drake didn't want to hear their argument.

"No. I don't want you guys to go. Mindy get out."

"But, but, Dina! Let me explain. I was doing this for your own good. They broke

into our apartment! Megan secretly taped me! They aren't good people. They are

trying to put a wedge into our relationship!"

"You shut your mouth. They are wonderful people. And you better get out of this

apartment now before I call the POLICE. You can get your things later."

Mindy was crying. She was not afraid to get on her hands and knees and beg for

Dina's forgiveness.

Drake and Megan decided to wait outside.

Drake smiled over Mindy's fall from grace as he closed the door behind them.

It wasn't true.

It wasn't true at all.

**Twenty minutes later**

Dina couldn't face them. She especially couldn't face her brother.

When Mindy came out of the house carrying one small suitcase and shooting

Drake and Megan the dirtiest looks possible that was when Drake went to look

for Dina.

Megan went off to walk around the block. She didn't want to interfere with their

second reconciliation.

Dina was in the backyard. She was sitting on the cold grass, her back against a

tree.

"Dina, are you alright?" He sat down next to her.

"I should be crying more. Shouldn't I be crying more?"

She spoke in barely a whisper. Dina was afraid to look him in the eye.

Drake lifted her chin up, "I owe you the biggest---"

"No, Drake, I do. I should've known it was Mindy. I can't believe I doubted you for

even a second." And Dina Nichols couldn't believe the person that she thought

was the love of her life would do this to her.

"It wasn't your fault. She was trying to brainwash you. I should have realized what

she was up to."

"How could you have known? I love you," she rested her head on her brother's

chest, "I love you so much, Drake."

The thought of losing him for a second time by someone who was supposed to

care and love her is what made her breakdown on her brother's solid shoulder for

comfort.

"I love you too, Dina," He put his arms around her and kissed her on the head,

"and I _always_ will."


	16. Diet Mocha Cola

**Chapter 16**

**Diet Mocha Cola **

…**not long after the events in Chapter 15**

Dina didn't want to cry. It's been a long time since she was in her old bedroom the one that the

former Josh used to share with Drake. They only had a month before some other family moved in

and took over a house that never should have been theirs to begin with.

Drake put her pink suitcase on the bed. "Are you sure this is all right?"

"Drake, there's a marvelous room called down the hall called the bathroom."

"Sorry. It's still new to me."

"We can still share a room. There's a part of me that can't have it any other way. We just have to

remember our _differences._"

Drake smiled. "We certainly have had a lot of good times in this room." He went to the mini

refrigerator to get them something to drink.

"And bad times. You broke my Kindergarten diploma while golfing INSIDE the house."

Dina sat on the sofa. She missed being here so much.

"Dina, you do realize you could've just purchased a new frame?"

Drake handed her a can of diet Mocha Cola.

"Headaches."

"Do I _really_ still give you headaches?" Drake opened up a diet can himself because that's all that

was left in the mini fridge.

"Not really. I'm just teasing you. You're drinking a diet soda?"

"Yeah. That's all that's left." Drake replied using the paper menu from the China Star restaurant as a

coaster.

"This is the same soda from a few years ago!"

"…yeah. Like wine."

That made Dina laugh. He was trying and she was more than happy.

"I didn't know I was so funny."

"You're hilarious, Drake."

"Do you want to play the Gamesphere?"

"Sure. When are you going to find a nice girl to settle down with?"

Even Josh had that concern about Drake so it was not going to change now that she was Dina.

"I'm not looking to settle down."

Rather than harp and make her brother uncomfortable about that subject. Dina just picked up the

joystick and would stick to the matter at hand of beating Drake's ass at Alien Invasion.

"Jump the planet." Drake advised when they got to level one.

"I'll jump the planet when it's planet jumping time!"

It was good to have it all back again even if it was only for a little while.

**Elsewhere**

Mindy was drained. She needed to take a long hot bath. She was going to reach for the lavender

bubbles but thought better of it. Instead she grabbed the small plastic faceted diamond shaped jar

and took out a few turquoise colored bath beads and gently tossed them in the water. She took off

her clothes and put them in a neat pile in the center of the room.

All she wore was her sweet sixteen pearl necklace. It was the only thing she never took off.

She wanted to think of how to handle things when she saw a shadow on the wall.

"What are you doing here?"

Both of them could've rightly said to each other.

"Megan!" She tried to cover up her naked body in a useless attempt.

"So, why are you here?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"I needed a quiet place to think. This isn't your home anymore."

"The spare key was still—this isn't your concern."

Megan took an eyeliner pen out of her pocket in a slow motion. She knew it would scare the heck

out of Mindy.

"Relax. Like, I'd ever go to jail because of you."

She drew a harsh black pentagram on the inside of her right palm. Megan knew Mindy's narrow

mind view would automatically view it as a Satanic cult symbol when a lot of White magic

philosophies also used a pentagram or pentacle for peaceful purposes.

"Okay, well you can go now."

"Dina has a heart of gold. And she will take you back—and I HATE

you for that."

"You think she'll take me back?"

"Drake was right about you all along. You are a bitch."

Megan stormed out of the room. Her friend B.W. from the metcom chat room was picking her up in

fifteen minutes. She debated calling Dina or Drake, but then she thought the better of it. Dina was

going to have to make this decision alone and Megan despised Mindy for it.

**San Diego**

They were on the last of the Diet Mocha cola and were halfway through the nacho chips and onto

the pretzels that nobody liked.

"You are the best." Drake threw playfully threw his joystick down in defeat.

"I try," Dina cupped her mouth to stop a yawn, "I think I'm going to take a bath and get changed for

bed. Do you mind?"

"No, of course not." Drake figured, since he took a shower this morning, he would change in the

guest room. Just in case.

He wanted to prove that he was putting his sister's needs above his own.

"What?" Dina asked opening up her suitcase to take out her small bag of toiletries and yellow silk

pajamas.

"Nothing," Drake smiled, "Nothing."

"Well instead of sitting there grinning could you run to the Zippy Mart to get more Diet Mocha

Cola?"

"No problem. Anything else?"

"No, just the soda."

"Sure."

"Thanks, Drake."

"No problem, _SIS_."

Now it was Dina Andrea Nichols' turn to smile.

**Later:**

There was something that Dina wanted to ask Drake, but she didn't want to ruin the moment of

them sitting on the floor in their pj's (her in a light yellow silk pj set and him in a worn Zero Gravity t-

shirt and gray checkered sleeping pants) playing gin rummy.

"You win AGAIN?" Drake threw his cards down in a mock frustration.

"Do you want to play another round?" She sipped the diet Mocha Cola through a purple bendy

straw.

"I suppose," Drake shuffled the cards, "Do you miss Dad?"

"Of course. I'd like to see him someday."

"I'm sorry that he didn't come around." And to run away from the situation too seemed very un-

Walter Nichols like.

"Me too," Dina bit her lip as she put her hand on top of Drake's, "But you came around—and I'm

grateful for that."

"I'm sorry, Dina. I really can't tell you enough."

"Don't worry about it. Leave the past where it belongs in the past."

"Did you learn that from Oprah?"

"Not the point. Drake?"

"Yeah?"

She decided against it.

"Um. I think I left my Blaine Darvey DVD in your car."

Drake knew she was changing the subject. He was an expert in that. He didn't see any DVD in

there when he left to go to the Zippy Mart a while ago. But then again his car was a pigsty.

"I'll check." Drake offered.

"You don't have to do it now."

"It's okay. I'll think I'll call for a pizza. I'm still starving. Do you want one?"

"You're going to eat a WHOLE pizza?"

"…want to share a tray?"

Junk food binging was no good for Dina or anyone else on the planet for that matter. She already

lost a ton of weight while she was in the Josh body and she wanted to be a svelte woman without

the aid of liposuction or other quick fixes.

"I'll have a slice or two. You can save the rest for Megan."

They wondered where she went off earlier? She was gone for a long time.

"Fine. I'll be back."

Dina really wished she was able to tell Drake exactly what was on her mind, but she didn't want to

ruin the moment.

She decided to take a little nap before Drake came back up with the pizza.

**40 minutes later**

Drake dropped the pizza box outside the bedroom door when he heard Dina crying. She stopped

short at her bed. She was crying in her sleep. He knew what he had to do.

"…Dina," Drake gently shook her awake, "Dina…wake up." He brushed the hair from her face.

"..drake?" She didn't want her brother to see her like this. "I-I'm okay."

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I-I had—not-"

"Don't say nothing."

"I just had a dream about Dad."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about before?"

"no," She let Drake wipe her eyes with the sides of his hands, "I just want to know what happened

to your guitars but I was afraid to ask."

"You don't have to be afraid to talk to me. Although, I guess I deserve it on some level. I sold most

of them to help Mom out. No biggie."

"No biggie?" Dina sat up determined to wipe her own eyes. "How can you say that?"

"Because," Drake walked away to get the pizza box from outside their room, "Music _doesn't_

matter anymore."

Drake couldn't mean that. Dina knew that had to be tearing up her brother inside.

There had to be something that she could do.

Drake's music was a part of him. Giving that up would be like his soul literally dying. And Dina was

not about to have that.

It was her turn.

_Author's Note: I'm not pleased with this chapter. I had another version of this already started _

_but it got erased. I hope you guys like it._


	17. Half a Double

**Chapter 17**

**Half a Double**

…**sometime later**

The new house was a half a double red brick on Green Street. 

They lived on the 105 side. The 107 side was still vacant. It was modest sized house. There were

three bedrooms, one bathroom, living room, basement, and attic. Despite everyone giving their finest

efforts it didn't feel like home. Something was missing. And everyone knew it was because of

Walter's absence. Drake sat on the back porch steps tracing the edges with a small rock.

"Do you fancy company?"

Drake looked up to see Dina half in and half out of the back screen door.

"Sure."

"I hope you aren't mad at me."

"I'm not mad," Confused to catch her bed with Mindy when all she was going back to the house for

was some of her personal belongings. But mad? No. "Puzzled."

Dina sat next to Drake. "She told me she was sorry and I have to believe that. She doesn't like me

living here—but I told her if she can't accept that then we are through for real."

Megan was right.

"You must really love her? She did horrible things. I'm not judging you. I'm just saying."

Drake gently go of the rock watching it bounce from step to step like the slinky toy he had when he

was five. It stopped on the on the fourth step.

"Relationships are complicated. This is my way of seeing if she really cares."

"They must be. I _never_ had a relationship."

"Sure you have. What do you call us? Megan? Mom? Dad even?"

"I wasn't referring to those kind."

Dina stopped the at-home jewelry assembling to take a job at the movie theater. It wasn't the

Premiere. But Helen gave her the most glowing reference. She might have hated Josh, but Helen

was loving Dina on Drake-ish levels. Dina had to work at a place where she wouldn't get talked

about behind her back like some of his co-workers did at the Premiere.

"Do you want to come to the Pacific with me later?" as in the Pacific Theater.

"I don't know."

"Hey," Dina elbowed Drake, "free movies."

"I don't know," Drake sighed as he stood up, "I'm going in to watch TV." He quit his job at IHOP

washing dishes before they moved in. Audrey was still doing her two jobs until the finances got

back to normal.

"Damn." Dina said to the empty air.

"What is it?"

"Megan, you scared me."

"Sorry." She had just come off her groundation when Audrey found out that B.W. was Channel

12's Bruce Winchell she almost lost her mind.

Metcom was the official Channel 12 chat room it's not like he was a predator who wanted underage

girls. But he did drop her off last after taking the Metcom club to a tour of the studio—and the

weatherman with the "perfect family" like Walter Nichols did feel her up. But she _wanted _him to. So

it was no big deal and nothing for him to go prison over. It was easier to lie to her mother than tell

her the truth. She told him, when she turned eighteen, it could go further. And he was too smart a

man to want to go to prison so he made a mental note of it. They also exchanged private email

addresses. Megan said she knew how to make sure his I.P. was hidden. It was no big deal to her,

just like when she and her friend Shauna made out in her Uncle's Volvo. What was the big fucking

deal in exploring your options?

It was the last thing she wrote on her Xenga page.

It was her turn to sit next to Dina on the stairs. She was barefoot and wore purplish black nail

enamel. It contrasted with Dina's peach colored toenails.

"Megan, you know I think you're awesome. But, you could be so much more pretty if you---"

"This isn't The Breakfast Club and I'm not Ally Sheedy."

"I don't mean to criticize you. Lord knows, I should know about what it feels like to be comfortable

in one's own skin. Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah. I'm getting my first tattoo tonight. Don't tell Mom."

"You aren't doing drugs are you?"

"_NO_."

And that was truth. She tried pot once and didn't like it. She tried coke once too and she didn't like

it. She really wished that people, even the well meaning, stopped labeling her.

"I'm sorry, Megs."

"I know you worry—but save it for Drake. Because he needs the guidance not me."

"I think I have an idea. I barely have any money left and I just started working the Pacific—but

there's something I have to do before work. Like Oprah, you're an inspiration." Dina got up and

patted Megan on the head. When Dina was gone she took the pack of Newport's out of her gray

hoodie pocket.

She needed a smoke in the worst way.

**Later**

It was twelve thirty in the morning when Dina made it upstairs to the room she shared with Drake.

Audrey offered to share a room with Dina but although the room was much smaller than the semi loft

apartment feeling of their bedroom back in their real house they still were content to share their living

space with each other. They really couldn't have it any other way. The only rules were to change

clothes in bathroom. There was room for only one bed and one small sofa bed. Drake wanted to be

a gentleman and claimed the sofa. Dina had to remember not to trip over it on her way to the

bathroom in the middle of the night.

They could manage.

"Hey, Sleepy," Dina kissed Drake on the forehead, "Wake up."

"D-dina?" He wiped his eyes, "What's wrong?"

"Come in the kitchen."

"Did Mindy---"

"Nope. Just come in the kitchen. I made chocolate pudding."

"What are we celebrating?" He asked with one open eye.

"Come downstairs and see."

Drake almost started to cry on the spot when he saw his red Fender Stratocaster autographed by

Zero Gravity's Devon Malone.

"DINA! Where did you find this?"

"It wasn't easy."

"After all this time Spanky's didn't find a buyer?" He was almost afraid to touch it. The case wasn't

his, but the guitar was. And that was all that counted.

"No. I found it at Express."

"Dina," Drake hugged her, "This is the second time you purchased this guitar for me. Thank you."

"I know. Now there's only one condition."

"What?"

"I better hear you play it."

"I don't have an amp."

"I got you one. But it's in the car. Mr. Snow had to help me put it in the trunk."

"You purchased me an amp too," Drake peeled the plastic wrap off the big bowl of chocolate

pudding, "Let's celebrate---"

"I want you to play it like you used to. Whenever I'm sleeping, I'm going to regret this later, I

know—I want to hear you play. Promise me?"

"I promise. Thank you so much." Drake kissed his sister on the cheek, "Can we have our pudding

now?"

"Of course."

Now that hopefully Drake's burden was somewhat lifted Dina had to focus on what she really didn't

want to focus on—and that was the whereabouts of one former KDJY weatherman—Walter

Nichols.

"Are you okay?" Drake asked Dina, his spoon in the mid-air toast position.

"Yes. I was just thinking about—Oprah's Favorite Things list."

Drake wasn't sure if that was the complete truth or not. But she didn't want to pester Dina over if

that was the real reason she was thinking.

"This present calls for pudding." Drake said

"Praise D." Dina replied as their spoons clicked.


	18. You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark 1

**Chapter 18**

**You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark**

**Part One**

…**one month later**

Drake stood outside the bathroom door at seven o'clock in the morning. He was slouched and

ready to bang his tired fist on the door. His bare feet were freezing on the floor. Audrey was

supposed to go Target and buy a runner, but forgot. Drake knew he shouldn't be angry as his

mother worked damn hard to keep her remaining family together—but he hated the fact that he

couldn't get into the bathroom and that his feet were super cold. Even though his family was never

wealthy by any means he still missed those creature comforts.

Was it wrong to think this way?

"Come on, Dina," Drake banged on the door, "What are you doing in there?"

Dina was in the middle of finishing her mascara application. One coat of black on the top lashes and

thanks to the dual wand a coat of blue for the bottom ones.

"Finishing my face."

Why was he acting so grouchy? You didn't hear her complain when what she knew was going to

happen did when she was woken up a five thirty (five thirty!) to a random guitar solo.

Today was not a good day for Dina Nichols. She didn't feel like bringing it up to anyone. But she

was going to go to San Diego State today to listen to a guest speaker talk about transgender issues.

Then at sundown there was going to be a candlelight vigil for Justin/Sophia Danzinger who was a

transgendered student who was murdered a month ago for only wanting to be herself. Those things

broke Dina's heart…she realized while she lost a lot, her life, thankfully was spared. The taunts in

school were nothing compared Sophia Danzinger being kidnapped, raped, and murdered.

Dina tried to put it all into perspective. While Drake came a long way, he really didn't fully

understand the transgender community.

No one in the family really did.

Dina finished putting on her strawberry wine lipgloss and opened the bathroom door.

"Finally!" Drake said

"And a good morning to you." Dina walked away.

She absolutely could not deal with DrakeAngst today.

"Is Drake in the bathroom?" Megan asked. She looked so vulnerable in a black oversized hoodie

and gray sleeping pants. She didn't look so tough in this light.

"Yeah. And he's grouchy today." Dina added

"What else is new?"

"Do you want me to make you pancakes?"

"What am I three? I can get my own breakfast."

Was it contagious?

Sure life was different for the whole family now, but why were both Drake and Megan acting like

something crawled up their collective asses? At least Mom was great. Exhausted—but still great.

And today was her half day off and Dina wanted her to sleep-in. Audrey deserved as much.

Dina decided that instead of making breakfast that she would rather treat herself to a mocha latte at

Starbucks.

It was at that moment when she was half way out the door that she realized she didn't even check to

see if Mindy left a voice mail on her cell phone. It was time to come to terms with that as well.

A few hours later Dina couldn't help but leave the lecture hall with half a notebook full from Dr.

Simone Wesley's lecture.

"If you don't me asking," asked a meek female figure, she looked no more than thirteen years old,

"Why did you feel the need to take such extensive notes?"

"I don't mind—I'm Dina Nichols."

"Karen Gold."

Dina walked closer to where she was sitting, while the majority of people had gone down to the

lower level to have a faux one-on-one with Wesley.

It was as if they had the rest of the auditorium all to themselves.

"I'm on a Yahoogroup and I like to write—so between those two things is why I took such detailed

notes."

"You're post-op aren't you, Miss Nichols?"

"There's no need to be so formal, Karen. Yeah. It took a very long time to get here."

"Are you happy?"

"Other than losing my father to his ignorance I'm pretty much happy. Why don't you tell me about

yourself?"

"I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, Dina. I just need to talk to someone or I'm going to explode. I

hope I'm not bothering you." The poor woman was on the verge of tears.

"No. You're not."

Karen felt lost with the legality being on the Kevin part of her persona that she wanted flushed away

along with all parts of her body that weren't female. She also lived with her born again Christian

Grandmother who said she was going to Hell for wanting to mess with "God's Plan". She revealed

that apart from starting hormones and getting her top surgery completed she wasn't sure if she

should go all the way with the rest of the surgery due to the families' lack of money.

"I know it seems odd considering I'm over 18," Wow. Dina was embarrassed for thinking she was

younger, "but my Mom doesn't want me to work endlessly just to get to my goal."

"Do you want a piece of gum?" Dina offered her a piece of pineapple and orange gum because

Drake took all out of the strawberry banana out from the pack when he said he only wanted to

borrow an ink pen when they went to the mall last week.

"Thanks. My throat is dry. I finally mastered the voice DVD's."

"My Grammy purchased those for me, among other things. I know I've only known you for ten

minutes Karen; but if you want my advice you need to

finish the surgery. You'll feel so much better. I know I wouldn't want to take off my clothes at night

and see the male anatomy. It would have me reaching for the Ben & Jerry's and watching all my

Oprah tapes for comfort. You know it's expensive and insurance covers nothing. Make a

compromise with your Mom that you won't overwork yourself. When I did my Real Life Test—I

hated how I looked in my new panties even if no one else could see."

"I know," she looked down, "I hate that too. You're pretty awesome, Dina."

"Thanks," Dina smiled, "You're awesome, too, Karen. Are you coming to the vigil tonight for

Sophia?"

"I wasn't going too, but I think I will."

"That's good. We need to show ourselves to the world and not hide from anyone."

And that included not hiding from bigoted fathers.

"I'm not ready for everyone to hear me roar."

"You'll get there. Do you want to grab some lunch? My treat."

"Dina, you're so kind. I don't---"

"It's just lunch. You need to eat."

"Do you have any siblings?" Karen was afraid to move from her sitting position.

"Yep. They're technically my step siblings, but I don't view them that way. I have a brother named

Drake who is my age and a younger sister named Megan. Come on, we can talk more at the

restaurant."

"I hate that my clothes aren't designer like yours."

"Designer?" Dina laughed, "This dress came from Old Navy."

It was just a simple black tank dress mixed with Audrey's dark pink shrug sweater.

Karen stood up feeling better talking to this Dina person.

"I'm glad I met you."

"Same here. Might I recommend the mint tea at Juliet's?"

That was a nice little private restaurant that Dina liked to go to. It seemed that no one knew about it

except a few regulars who passed it on through word of mouth.

"Of course. I could use it. That sounds lovely. I take it those aren't Michael Kors wedges?"

"Nope. Payless. Although, there's a jacket from D&G that I keep hoping will show up at a flea

market."

"I could learn a lot from you Dina Nichols."

Karen brushed her hand against her's as they left the auditorium. Dina didn't know what to feel. She

was a sweetheart and it was great to make new friends especially those that were in the transgender

community. But, you couldn't start a fire without a spark and Dina knew that.

"I'm sorry that my button came undone." Karen said to a helpful Dina who carried the pocket

stitcher that Audrey purchased for her at a yard sale.

They were the only ones in the women's restroom outside of the lecture hall.

"There. Good as new," Dina took the liberty of putting up Karen's white collar, "You should get

one of those chunky wooden necklaces…."

"You have the most amazing eyes, Dina."

It didn't matter who started it. Their arms went around each other and the kissing began.

"Can we go back to your place?" Karen whispered in Dina's shoulder when they were finished.

This wasn't a need. It was out of a neediness on both their parts.

Neither one of them wanted to hurt the other, but they desired to ease their collective loneliness.

Drake was probably out for the day. Megan was at school. And Audrey was now at work. Why

not?

"Sure."

"I hope you don't think I'm a whore—I've only had sex once in my whole life."

"Ssh," Dina put her index finger on Karen's lips, "It's all right."

There were no sparks and Dina still didn't know what to feel. One thing was for certain she knew

her relationship with Mindy Crenshaw was officially over.

_Author's Note: To be continued…_


	19. You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark 2

**Chapter 19**

**You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark**

**Part Two**

…**After**

_And now I'm alone._

Dina was holding on to her pillow. Almost wishing that Drake would come through the door, guitar

case in hand, bragging about some conquest (a trait which Dina normally despised) or moping about

how "terrible" his life was. Karen went to use the bathroom and that seemed like hours ago. They

didn't make love. She didn't want to because of in her own shaky words "not being a complete

woman" and Dina didn't want to because it was never about sex with her. It was about making love.

It was like when she tried explaining in one of her high school essays to Hafer years ago about the

distinction between having a job, something you don't want to do versus a career, something that

you love getting up out of bed to do each day. Karen was a nice person and Dina hoped they would

have a lasting friendship. But friends came and went for both Josh and Dina Nichols. Sometimes, it

wasn't over a vase breaking against the fireplace wall moment. Sometimes, you have to really get to

know someone inside and out to realize you're only just strangers in the end with no foundation

other than satisfying a needy behavior pattern.

There was that something else. Something else that meant Dina was going to have to EXPLAIN

things at the dinner table once more. Audrey would be supportive; Megan ambivalent, and Drake

would just use it for some uncharacteristic self-loathing. Dina was the angsty one of this family and

God forbid she get to breakdown so she could fully heal.

Dina heard the door open and quickly gave into the reflex to close her "amazing eyes".

"I'm sorry, I took so long. I looked into the mirror and cried seeing my naked body."

Dina opened up her eyes. She couldn't not throw a life preserver to her new friend.

"Come here," Where she was a few minutes before with her head in Dina's bosom crying and

hugging. "It'll be okay, Karen." Dina kissed her on the head.

Yeah, she didn't feel anything romantic for this person. No sparks.

Just friendship. And you couldn't go to bed with all of your friends.

"I feel so safe with you. And we just met."

"I know," Dina stroked her chin, "It's going to be all right. I promise." Dina got out of bed and

Karen hated that cold voided feeling of their bodies separating.

"What are you doing?"

"We didn't get to go out for lunch. So, I'll make us something really quick. In the meantime, I want

you to borrow this."

Dina handed Karen a metal box. It used to contain some travel sized beauty products.

"Oh! I love this line---"

"No. Inside this box is your tranny—I normally hate that term, but I want you to smile so—

anyway—Inside this box is your tranny survival kit of phone numbers and other assorted lifelines. I

also want you to start saying affirmations to the mirror each night before you go to sleep. I hope I'm

not going too fast…"

"No, Dina. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. That's a divine robe. Where did you get it?"

It was an ivory floor length silk robe with a blue and green peacock on the back.

"My Grammy. She spoils me rotten, but I just love it too. It reminds me of something an old movie

starlet would wear. Do you like eggs?"

"Scrambled."

"I'll be back in a flash."

There was no kiss goodbye, because Dina didn't have those feelings for Karen. She hoped her new

friend realized that.

**Eggs in the pan**

"Hey, Dina, bye Dina…" Came the whirlwind Drake through the backdoor and almost out of the

small kitchenette.

"Dr—Drake!" She had to stop him from going upstairs. "Come here." She grabbed him by the arm

to pull him back in.

"What's up?"

"Don't you want any eggs? You never turn down food when someone else is cooking it."

"Nah. I'm not hungry."

"Why don't you keep me company?" She was almost tempted to take them out of the frying pan

half-done, but she hated runny eggs.

"I'm sorry I was grouchy this morning, Sis."

As much as Dina wanted to expand on this conversation she knew this was not the time or place to

have this discussion about Drake's emotional state.

"It's okay…."

"I just want to crash. I'm so wrecked." He started to leave again.

"Drake! Wait!"

He turned around smiling at first and then he revealed the disappointed look he's been sporting

lately. Drake thought he knew exactly what was going on.

"Oh? Is Mindy up there? In OUR room?"

"No! Mindy is NOT up there."

And Dina bit her tongue from expanding on the "our room" for "my room" code.

"Then I'm going upstairs…."

"You CAN'T!"

"Why not?"

"Because there IS someone up there. There are you happy?" She slammed the spatula in the frying

pan. But due to it being plastic it didn't make the crashing noise she wanted it to. And Dina still was

a fan of doing things for emphasis. "It's just not Mindy."

"What? Do you have a guy up there?" Drake's face twisted with disgust and Dina couldn't help but

to slap him across it.

"Drake Parker! You insensitive jerk!"

Dina was torn between storming upstairs to her room or finishing the eggs. If she had left this would

have been the second meal that she would have denied Karen today.

"Me! I'm out of here!"

"Good!" Dina batted her eyes to stop the tears from flowing.

Too late without even forcing it the tears flowed out of her, like they always did. Dina and her

brother made such great progress.

Why was he determined to ruin it?

She should have known Drake Parker would go back to what he was best at—thinking about

number one: himself.

_And now I'm alone._

…_To be continued_

_To Midie: I was inspired by Bruce Springsteen's song._

_And Mo: I hear you on the usual DrakeAngst stories._

_Mine does have a purpose as you'll soon find out…_


	20. You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark 3

**Chapter 20**

**You Can't Start a Fire Without a Spark**

**Part Three**

…**two hours later**

Dina knew how empty Karen felt after they had their "tranny talk" while eating eggs in her bed. She

knew her new insecure friend didn't like being escorted out before the egg crust hardened on

Audrey's mauve colored Pfaltzgraff plates. Dina knew the worry that was stuck inside Karen's

throat that contained the thought, "Are you _really_ going to meet me at the library so we go to the

vigil together?" And Dina Nichols hated asking her to leave. It wasn't part of her genetic make up.

But she had to get this talk with the family over with. She didn't have time to let it all fester like the

original transgender secret. Dina freshened up by taking a shower and using one of Audrey's VO-5

hot oil treatments to massage her scalp. She was just going to keep her wardrobe simple. This night

was about Sophia not about looking fabulous. Although, Dina Nichols couldn't really help that fact,

could she? It felt wonderful to finally have a real self-esteem. She chose a crisp white button down

oxford shirt. Although, the men's version was the exact same cut (only the length was longer) it was

imperative to buy the women's one. She would pair this with her comfortable faded blue jeans and

purple Sketchers. By the time she put on her basic Timex she heard someone enter the house. It

was a man's Timex. It was a gift from Walter for her thirteenth birthday when she was still

"uncomplicated on the outside Josh". The black leather band was comforting and reminded her of

her father that she had to wear it.

She quickly grabbed a white "Hillary" style headband off the dresser and went to face whomever it

was.

"Hi, Mom." Audrey was scanning the contents of the refrigerator for something to drink.

She was home quite early. But Dina didn't have the time to question the why's.

"Hi, Dina. Thank you for doing the dishes today."

"It's no problem."

She still loved doing menial tasks. There was a satisfaction that came a long with doing a job and

doing it well that always made her feel good.

"You look very nice…."

"Thank you….excuse me," No way was he going to run upstairs, "Come in the kitchen, Drake, I

want to talk to you and Mom."

Drake wouldn't be stupid with Audrey present. Not anymore.

Even though he was over 18 and couldn't be sent out of state. He would still be respectful and not

put their mother through that again.

"Did you tell Mom about our argument? Figures." He sank into the kitchen chair.

"No, I didn't. But you just did, smart mouth."

"What did you two fight about?" Audrey settled on a bottled water.

"Not important. Where is Megan?"

"She's at her friend's house."

"Maybe it's best that she's not here. Since she's at that age where she thinks she knows everything.

Then again, that seems to be going around lately."

"HEY!" Drake knew that was a dig on him.

"Can't you see this is important to Dina?" Audrey pointed out.

"Of course. It always is."

"There it is. I don't know what's gotten into you Drake, and I thought we were making progress—

but your attitude of late really leaves a lot to be desired."

"Why don't you tell Mom about the strange woman you had in your bed!"

"Drake Parker! That really is none of your business. And for your information we didn't do

anything. Karen and I are just friends."

Even though it was obvious that Karen wanted Dina in "that way". Dina was grateful that Karen

was still attached to her penis! It was one less thing to worry about.

"Go ahead, Dina, say what you have to say. Not another word Drake." Audrey said in her "are we

clear?" tone.

"Thank you," Dina walked to fridge to get her own bottled water.

She could feel her throat get dry with each passing second, "I've come to notice that people like

stick on mental labels to define people. But I still wanted to let the both of you know incase you had

any questions. You _REALLY_ do see me as a whole normal, healthy woman, Mom?"

"Of course, Dina."

"Thank you—"

"What about me?"

"I didn't think you wanted to answer that question, Drake."

"So why am I here then?"

"Okay….answer it."

"Yes, I do."

Dina doubted Drake's sincerity at the moment.

"Mindy was my first love, even though I wasn't a normal healthy woman when I met her. I thought

we could stay together because that is what couples who are in love do. What difference did it make

if I lost a penis and gained a vagina? We're not random body parts. We're human beings. But-- Her

personality is too cold and rigid and I didn't like how she tried to stop my relationship with my

family…"

"And yet you STILL took her back!"

"SHUT UP, Drake! This is difficult for me to say and I refuse to cry any more tears over you today!

I'm a heterosexual woman, which means I am attracted to men. _I always was_. I just couldn't go

down that road as Josh because I would have been labeled gay. Not that, that's wrong in and of

itself, But it's the wrong label to stick on me as I am not a gay person.

That is why many transgenders fall in love with each other—sometimes we are the ONLY support

systems for each other. True love doesn't know any labels—gay, straight, black, white, legal age, et

cetra. None of it really matters. Just because I'm transgender doesn't mean any more than anyone

else in this society. We all are looking to give and receive love.

I don't know what else to say."

She sat down at her place at the table feeling emotionally exhausted.

"I know what I want to say. I'm quite sick of your fucking drama."

Drake stormed upstairs.

"Dr—"

"Let him be, Mom," Dina held Audrey's hand, "Are you okay with what I told you?"

"Of course," Audrey kissed her daughter's hand, "I love you, Dina, and I want you to be happy."

"Thank you."

"Is there someone in particular that you fancy?"

"No. Not at the moment, Mom. I hate to spring this revelation on you and leave, but I have to meet

my friend Karen at the library. And don't worry about Drake, I'll sort him out later."

_With my curling iron._

When Dina rolled down the window and beeped the horn, she saw the visible tenseness in Karen's

shoulders loosen and her head lift up to show a smile. This was about to be as pretty as doing a

pedicure in the dark. Was she standing outside this whole time? She proudly held on to her metal tin

suitcase that Dina let her borrow.

The poor girl.

Dina didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking her heart.

"Hey, Dina, you look gorgeous. I figured it out while reading some periodicals. You are a mix

between Eileen Davidson and Alexis Arquette."

The latter being transgendered herself.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I rushed you out of the house earlier. I needed to have a talk with my Mom

and brother."

"About the fight the two of you had?" Karen heard of some of it and felt like an uncomfortable third

wheel.

"Sort of. I thought we could go the food court in the Galleria and get a smoothie before we head out

to the vigil. I checked my email and Susan from Akron, Ohio is handing out the bracelets." They

were a combination of light blue and light pink—the baby sex colors—meshed in harmony. The

bracelets said: No Gender on one side and Remembering Sophia on the other.

"That sounds good. I think I'm going to get my hair styled tomorrow. You just bring out the

positively Dina!"

She couldn't say anything. Not now. She didn't want to be the one that caused Karen Gold to stop

smiling.

"I'm glad I could help. You'd look awesome with a flippy 'bob'. Like

Ricki Lake in Hairspray."

Dina was hoping that through the somber tone this evening would bring that she could introduce

Karen to some other people to get her to stop relying on her so much. It was only one day of

knowing this extremely fragile and needy person. Dina couldn't do it all. She regretted opening up

her bed to her, even if it was only in friendship. Dina couldn't help being needy herself, but was

learning through therapy and her own determination to get better to realize she held her own key to

the door containing her destiny.

But she would help Karen the best way that she knew how. By not abandoning her, like everyone

else seemed to. _You don't abandon your_ _friends_ and that was the one thing that Dina Nichols

wanted from Karen Gold the "for keeps" friendship. But it couldn't work, unless the both of them

gave their all.

"Yeah. What were you thinking about Dina? You seemed to be a million miles away."

Karen's hand went on Dina's knee who should've said something, but didn't.

"Honestly? I hope that we're friends forever."

"Me too!" Karen kissed her on the cheek, "I hope it's not too soon to exclaim my love for you,

Dina Nichols! You rock!"

_Please tell me she didn't mean that kind of love._

"Thank you," She made a point to whisper back, "You rock too."

**2 AM**

Drake just fell asleep while laying on the sofa as some generic horror movie was on the television.

Before the screaming lady could run upstairs in high heels Dina carefully grabbed the remote control

that was resting on Drake's stomach along with nacho cheese chip crumbs and put it on mute. The

urge was still there to brush the crumbs off him, take off his boots, and cover him with a blanket. But

she didn't.

"I love you, jerk face." Dina whispered as she headed upstairs.

At least now she could take a long hot bath before bed and not have to worry about being

bothered. Or in the case potentially bothering someone, depending on your point of view.

Dina's mind was too tired to process the evening's events. Thankfully, Karen wasn't so clingy

tonight except when she wanted to hold hands with her when Sophia's mother gave an inspirational

talk before the vigil for her murdered daughter.

Dina dropped her off at her place and headed home.

She stood in front of the medicine cabinet mirror and slowly took off her headband and placed it on

the counter. Grabbing her brush she faintly smiled looking into the mirror, "I know I did the right

thing."

Dina wrote in her bound journal that sometimes it was more satisfying to her to brush her long

blonde hair than anything else. Granted, most of it was based on extensions and the color came from

a bottle. But heck, few things on this body were real or were altered to be something else.

Yet, you were satisfied. Satisfied in knowing that the true pinnacle of self was reached.

It was an understatement to call it a shame that people got killed for only trying to be who they

were. She was disappointed in her brother, but was not sorry for anything in these past few years.

The only thing Dina wished was that she came out sooner. Of course, Walter probably would have

sent her to some brainwashing church or quacky psychiatrist.

Sorry? Not even close.

Dina grabbed one of Megan's elastic hair bands out of the plastic cotton swab jar that was next to

the big family sized tube of blue gel toothpaste and put her hair in a smart ponytail. She sat on the

edge of the bathtub to turn the water on and to add some droplets of honeysuckle bubble bath.

If she had to lose her Father, so be it.

If she was only going to wind up losing her brother in the end, so be that as well.

Dina Nichols was not going to apologize for becoming self-actualized.

You can't start a fire without a spark and Dina realized while grabbing the razor off it's green plastic

caddy next to the soap dish that before you found your quote unquote "soulmate"—the real spark--

-the one that ignited that romantic fire in your heart—could only come from one place: Inside

yourself.

"Someday my prince will come," she sang in a whisper as she heard the heavy footsteps of her

brother come up the staircase as he mumbled something to the door about "having to pee", and

closing the room door with a loud thump.

"…You have to wait your turn, Drake," Dina called out not sure if he had his Walkman on or not,

"I'm taking a bath."


	21. T Rod

**Chapter 21**

**T-Rod**

…**2 months later**

Drake Parker didn't know if it was the recent ultimatum from his mother to start working again or an

inner spark of his own, but he wanted to play his music again. It felt like it was time to start another

band. He was quite sick of moping around and slacking. He needed to do something with his life.

He was aimlessly leafing through the vintage vinyl records at Empire Records that was not far from

his old house. Drake thought of driving by just to see the outside, but he couldn't bear seeing other

people occupy what really was HIS (their?) house.

"Wow," Drake said to himself letting the Frozen Bobsleds album fall back into its slot, "Hey,

Dave—who is that? I need a bass player."

He had flyers in his car to put up all over every available telephone pole in San Diego that he was

looking to start up a new band.

The bass playing coming from the back room was amazing.

Dave owned Empire Records and has known Drake Parker since he started coming in here in junior

high. A man of about 5'7" came out of the back room with his brown mahogany Ibanez SR506

bass strapped to him. His hair was jet black and more Mick Jagger than Paul McCartney. He wore

a blue button down shirt with the first three buttons undone, lightly flared worn Levi's, and old

school black Chuck Taylor's.

"Was that you back there, man?"

"Did I hear you say you needed a bass player?"

Drake liked where this was going.

"Drake Parker."

"Tommy Rodriguez. But my friends call me T-Rod."

He had a solid handshake that impressed Drake.

"Do you like good, old fashioned rock and roll, T-Rod?"

"Is there any other kind?"

Yes. Even without having a formal audition to speak of, Drake was ready to cross off 'bassist

needed' on all of his flyers.

"Do you want me to hold that Frozen Bobsleds LP for you, Drake?" asked Dave.

"Nah. I'll get it next time, Dave."

That was two sales lost. Drake didn't buy the vinyl record and T-Rod decided not buy that new

Marshall amp.

"Are you in a hurry to go somewhere else?" Drake asked T-Rod when they got outside.

"Not really."

"Do you want to jam?"

Having conversations like this again, made Drake realize how much he missed it all. And how

terrible he felt recently nit-picking with Dina. None of what he was feeling was really her fault and he

knew it.

He was somehow going to have to make it all up to her.

"Sure…."

"Your car is a '85 red Camaro?"

"Yep." Drake hated still having to drive this god awful Impala. If Chevrolet could make the

awesome Camaro how was it possible that this same company also invented the uncool Impala?

"In case we get separated--," Drake opened up the passenger side door to take out a flyer, "Here's

my address."

"Who designed this flyer?" T-Rod liked the cool racing stripe style font in the 'D' and 'P' for Drake

Parker.

"My sister, Megan. She used Photodoc."

"I think I'm going to stop at Burger King first," T-Rod said, "Do you want anything?"

"Nah. I'm good."

And at that moment Drake Parker was.

Dina Nichols was not having a good day. Karen came around "wanting to hang out", but Dina had

to brush her off, because she really had to go somewhere. She didn't see their friendship lasting.

"Here's your pass," a woman at the table handed Dina her plastic laminate, "Third floor. First door

on your right."

"Thank you." She replied putting her pass around her neck. This was a place Karen should have

come to if Dina wasn't in such a "hurry" to get her out of her house.

Dina knocked on the plain white door. The voice coming from the intercom was unexpected and

made her jump a bit.

"How may I help you?"

"I'm Dina Nichols. I'm here to see Stephanie."

The intercom buzzed and she was told to open the door.

Inside was another barricade similar to that to the front of a doctor's office. She lightly tapped on

frosted sliding window.

"Would you please sign in, Miss Nichols?"

"Of course."

All of this heightened security made her physically ill.

Steven/Stephanie was thirteen years old and part of the Reach Out to Trans Youth Program that

Dina signed up for a month ago. It was important to give back to the TG community especially to

help the kid's out. Being a teenager was complex enough. These issues could make or break your

growing up. Break it if you had an ignorant family. Dina and the rest of helpers were there to stop

that.

"Hello, Stephanie." The young girl stared out the window. For some reason she was stripped out of

her jeans and basic green polo shirt. She was wearing a bra and boxers. The in-between stage really

sucked and Dina had no idea on what to say other than to just introduce herself and let the rest of

the words follow suit.

"Okay…you don't have to talk if you don't want to. My name is Dina. I know you're probably

thinking—another adult who doesn't get it. But not too long ago I was in your shoes. Literally

wearing those god awful men's Reebok's. Before I came out, I started wearing pantyhose under my

pants. No one could see them because I covered them with socks. But it made me feel feminine. A

touch against my skin I so _desperately_ needed." Dina sat down on the swivel chair.

Stephanie reached up to pull off what was a brunette colored wig. "I hate myself. I hate not being

able to be ME." Dina watched as Stephanie opened up her knapsack that was on the floor and

spilled the contents on the table, "I want to grow out my own hair. I WANT to wear this bra

properly! I WANT to wear pretty panties! I WANT to chop off my male organs! I WANT my

father to accept me! He calls me a fag. A sentence that is wrong as I'm a woman who is attracted to

men…thank you very much!"

Dina was content to let Stephanie vent.

"Do you want me to do your face?"

"Would you? I bought regular cosmetics, but found online a transgender make up store. What do

you recommend, Dina?"

"All make up is good. But it is important to support the community when you can. But if one wants

to pass, I'd rather people see the mainstream brands on my vanity."

Stephanie sat on the counter as Dina sifted through her make-up.

"I'm sorry for venting like that."

"What? You had every right to, honey. Every right."

"I watch Oprah."

"Me too! I love her!"

"Tell me more about your pre-coming out days. If that's all right,

Dina."

"It's more than all right. I shared a room with my brother and that made things super tough for me,"

She dotted foundation on Stephanie's face, "Sometimes when I knew he was out cold. I'd take the

lipstick that I had hidden inside my pillowcase and I found a lighted compact at the drug store, "and

I would put on my lips. Anything to bring Dina out I had to do. There were some close calls and I

had to keep wet wipes by my bed. The bathroom was my refuge. I even quit the Spanish Club so I

could spend at least a few minutes MORE in the bathroom as Dina………"

She couldn't finish the rest of the story she could still hear Drake and Walter banging on the door.

As she scrambled like mad to tear off the false eyelashes without bruising her retina as she was

trying on and to reach for Audrey's Pond's cucumber cold cream to swish the entire

BEAUTIFULLY DONE make up off. The new bra clasp that ripped because she couldn't get it off

fast enough without blowing her cover. The pantyhose that needed to be covered with the ugly boy

jeans and tube socks. The baggy striped sweater that she hated and the "what were you doing in

there for so long?" calls. How she wanted to tell them the truth. How Dina wanted to know if Drake

would really be there for her? Would Walter accept it too? What would Mom and Megan think of

her as a woman?

"Dina, are you okay?" Stephanie asked

"Yes, Stephanie, I'm just sharpening your eyeliner pencil."

"No…you were thinking about your past."

"Guilty as charged. I can only imagine the HELL you are going through."

"My Mom cashed in her stocks and is letting me having my full surgery at sixteen for my birthday

present."

The mom's were ALWAYS supportive. At least it seemed that way to Dina. She did know some

ladies that had ignorant mothers and supportive fathers but they seemed to be in the minority.

"There are many advantages to starting early."

"Is it wrong to wish I could have a period?"

"No. Nothing that you are feeling, Stephanie, is wrong. That means we could get pregnant and that

would have been so wonderful. If only."

"I read some of the more fringe groups on the Internet that there are some girls who---."

"I'd stay away from those fringe groups. Lurk but don't post if you must be there.

May I put your wig back on?"

"Of course. I'm going start electrolysis and hormones soon, Dina."

"That will make SUCH a difference."

"Thank you for putting up with my shitty mood."

"No problem. You're entitled to have them."

"You will be coming back next week?" Stephanie smiled when Dina walked her to the full-length

mirror and held her chin up. Next they could work on wardrobe.

"Of course, kiddo."

"I'm glad."

And at that moment Dina Nichols was.

**Later**

She walked with a subtle sway of her hips. The tan purse was thrown on the coffee table and the

keys on the chunky yellow butterfly keychain followed. The mail was picked up with gentle hands.

The nails were shaped and painted pink. The sweater was an ivory faux cashmere, the skirt was

periwinkle and flouncy with ruffled edging, the stockings were nude with shimmer specks, and the

shoes were periwinkle Mary Jane styled sling-backs with a kitten heel. She shook her head and with

her free hand tousled her hair. Those beautiful blonde locks. Her eyes were piercing.

"Dina," Drake said coming into the movie, "I'd like you to meet my new bass player T-Rod. This is

my other sister, Dina."

She held out her hand, "Nice to officially meet you, T-Rod."

Holy shit. Fucking Wow.

"You can call me, Tommy."

"I have to get changed for work. Bye, Drake," she took a small breath, "Again, nice meeting you,

Tommy." Dina smiled as she walked upstairs.

"Your sister is fucking gorgeous, man." Tommy couldn't help but reveal the

truth to Drake. He needed another Mocha Cola. "I didn't mean that to sound disrespectful."

"No offense taken. She _is_ gorgeous. Would you like me to set you two up?"

That came out of nowhere Drake thought, but all he knew was that he meant it.

"Would you? I'm too shy around pretty girls."

"Consider it done my friend."

Dina should have been in the shower, but she couldn't resist going on to her Yahoogroup and typing

a message to her TG friends.

…_The reaching out program was a success and I will tell_

_everyone about it later, when I come home from work later on tonight._

_But I have to be extra girly-girly for a moment and share_

_something with you all:_

_I think Mr. Right just walked into my life……_

_Hugs & Kisses,_

_Dina Nichols_

_p.s.—he's a bass player. xoxo_


	22. Whoever Did This

**Chapter 22**

**Whoever Did This**

…**a week later**

Dina was sitting at the kitchen table wrapping a present in pink wrapping paper. She was about to

get started on curling the yellow bow with the edge of the scissors when Drake walked in actually smiling.

"Why are you so happy?"

"No reason."

T-Rod had asked Drake to wait before asking Dina if she would go out with him. Drake asked why,

but T-Rod really just answered the question with another question. But still, he would respect the

wishes of his friend. It was always easy for Drake to talk to females so it was difficult for him to

relate to another guy wanting to take it slow, especially in the asking stage. There was no way Dina

was going to say 'no', she always seemed to show up in the basement when they were working.

And whenever Drake was alone down there trying to create the next rock classic she never brought

down a complete tray of fudgie-boos. But when T-Rod showed up all of a sudden there were a tray

of elementary school winning brownies and a pitcher of milk left for them. Drake also noticed the

way she'd pretend to "not" be looking at him when that's exactly what she was doing.

Didn't Dina realize how many girls from Belleview used to pretend to "not" be looking at him?

Dina wanted to have a heart-to-heart with her brother. There never seemed to be the right to time to

talk about how things "suddenly" were back to normal again.

"Is that a present for me?" Drake asked

"Hi, Dina," Enter Karen right on cue when Dina told her she was doing the Reach Out program

today and that they could talk tomorrow, "Drake."

"Karen. I'll leave the two of you alone."

_Great. You choose to be polite now, Drake._

"Maybe, it's a present for me?"

"No. It's a blouse for Stephanie." It was one of those modern polyester in a teal blue color that

buttoned up like a man's shirt, but there were two long thick pieces of ribbon attached to make a

bow or tie at the top.

"Who is Stephanie?"

"A young girl I mentor at the Reach Out program. I told you about this." Dina replied frustrated.

"I'm sorry, Dina. Do you want a neck rub?"

"NO, I don't." Unless it was from Tommy, but she was too nervous to start anything up with the

man she proclaimed to her online girl friends as "Mr. Right".

"I'm sorry. Will you drop me off at the Krispy Kreme?"

And Dina didn't even have to ask if it was the location across the street from the building she

volunteered in.

"Sure."

Dina was going to have to cut the ties with Karen Gold. It was lesson to be learned that not

everyone in the community was meant to be friends. Underneath it all they were all human. She did

know she didn't want the "for keeps" friendship with Karen anymore.

**Later**

"…but my birthday isn't for two weeks!" exclaimed Stephanie looking better. She was wearing an

exquisite French braid hair piece. Here the youth could dress the way they wanted to dress and not

be stared at or judged. Stephanie's Mom let her get medium length hair extensions. The kid's at

school KNEW she was transgender and were ready with the verbal taunts and mild bullying.

"Open it."

"Oh my! A blouse! A pretty feminine blouse! Oh, Dina, thank you so much!" Stephanie got up form

her chair to hug her older friend.

"You're welcome, Sweetie. I hope it fits."

"Can I try it on now? So my Mom will see when she picks me up?"

"Of course."

"When I finish my surgery—My Mom surprised me with the best news ever," Dina held Stephanie's

peach colored v-neck t-shirt. "I get to start a new life in Boston with my Aunt. No one at that school

will know me and I will legally be Stephanie then."

Dina noticed she was wearing a stuffed bra to give herself some definition.

"That's great. I would have loved that. Hey, it fits. Do you want me to tie a bow at the top?"

"Sure. This blouse goes way better with my skirt then the peach shirt."

"You look lovely."

"I _feel _lovely."

The phone rang that was on the desk and Dina got up to answer it.

"Hello? Sure. Okay. Thank you."

"Who was that?"

"That was your Mom. She's downstairs waiting for you."

"But our time's not up!"

"I know, kiddo. But, you can AIM me tonight."

"I suppose. I'll be on at seven." She gave Dina one more hug, "Thank you again for the blouse, I

love you, Dina." It was the first time she said it.

Dina kissed the top of her head, "I love you too, Stephanie."

Dina opened the door to walk Stephanie out and was shocked to see Karen standing there holding

a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

"Look at what Dina gave me."

"That was awfully nice of her." Dina watched to make sure Stephanie got on the elevator safely.

They waved goodbye to one another as the doors closed.

"How did you get passed security?"

"Is that how you treat your friends?"

"Just kidding."

_Barely._

"I have an appointment with Miss Mason to volunteer here. Oh no," Karen handed Dina the boxed

of glazed doughnuts.

"What is it?"

"My purse! I think I left it in the doughnut shop. I'll be back. Would you let Miss Mason know?"

"Of course."

Karen hastily pushed the button on the elevator, "I better take the stairs. My credit cards and

everything are in there…."

When Karen got outside there was Stephanie wearing the blouse that should have been hers. She

was about the same size as this kid.

"Hello, Stephanie. I thought your Mom was outside?"

"I thought so too. Maybe I should go back upstairs and tell Dina?"

"No. She's busy talking with Miss Mason. I left my purse in the Krispy Kreme. Why don't we call

her on my cell?" She put her arm around the thirteen year old girl as they walked across the street.

**7 p.m.**

Dina was lonely. Tommy and Drake went to the Brew Note to meet up with a prospective new

drummer. At least she got to look at his fine ass briefly before he left the house. Mom was working

late and Megan was out doing God knows what, with God knows who.

She was worried about Stephanie. She wasn't online and she said she'd be on at seven. Stephanie

was just like Dina if she said a time or a place, she was always there, never late, and usually early.

One good thing came out of the afternoon Karen called from the restroom at the Krispy Kreme

saying she found her purse, but realized she left the paperwork at home and asked Dina to relay yet

another message for Miss Mason.

"Hey," Drake came through the front door carrying a plain white box that was on the porch, "How's

it going Dina?"

"Where's Tommy?" She innocently inquired

"Home."

"Did you find your drummer?"

"Not really. The guy was an ass. This was on the porch for you. I'm hungry. Do you want

anything?"

"Nope."

Was it a present from Tommy?

Drake dropped the can of Mocha Cola on the floor when he heard Dina scream.

"Dina! What's wrong?" He came running back to the living room to see Dina on her hands and

knees quickly putting the lid back on the box. "Call the police, Drake!" She was about to cry at any

given moment.

It was the blouse she gave Stephanie about six hours ago. It was covered in blood. Dina slowly got

up feeling as though her head was about to explode. She quickly went to get her cell phone that was

on the top of the computer speaker. Dina wiped her eyes to see if Stephanie or her Mom answered

the phone. No one did. No dear God.

"Dina….what's wrong?" The police said they'd be on their way.

"I think Stephanie the girl I mentor is dead."

"What! I'm so sorry….What's in the box?" He wanted to hug her, but she backed away.

"The blouse I gave her this morning covered in blood. Please tell me this is NOT happening,

Drake."

She walked over to the front door and made sure the porch light was turned on. She needed to sit

outside and get some air. That's when an arm went around her two minutes later, "Dina, are you

okay?"

"Oh, Karen," she put her head on her shoulder, "I'm waiting for the police."

"Why?"

"By the time you went to get your purse was Stephanie still outside?"

"No. I saw their car drive off by the time I went in the Krispy Kreme."

"There was a box left on the porch for me…I can't even say it, I feel like I'm going to puke."

"What was in the box?"

"The blouse I gave Stephanie this morning all covered in blood."

Dina and Karen noticed the police car stop in front of the house.

"How terrible! But we don't know for sure that she's dead. Hello, Officer…."

Drake felt his whole body shake knowing that the police were going to have to come into the house

to pick up the evidence. He hated his sister having to go through all this.

**3 a.m.**

It didn't require much effort to get Karen to leave. As soon as Dina was done giving her statement

and the evidence to the police; Karen hugged her and told her to "hang in" and walked home

despite Dina's instance that she take a cab.

She couldn't sleep thinking about that sweet soul being murdered. And what was the reason? They

didn't have to find the body for Dina to know Stephanie was indeed gone. Just like Sophia whom

she didn't know and the cases like Brandon Teena's that made national headlines when turned into

Oscar winning movies.

Audrey, Drake, and Megan were all at Dina's side. Megan fell asleep in the non-reclining chair.

Dina had her head on Audrey's shoulder and Drake held his sister's cold and shaky hand. Dina's

voice was barely a whisper, but both mother and brother heard every word.

"I hope whoever did this burns in Hell."


	23. Guilty

**Chapter 23**

**Guilty**

…**some time later**

Drake Parker really wasn't exaggerating when he exclaimed once during his adolescence that he did

not know how to work a stove. Megan said to just open the microwave oatmeal, but Drake thought

it best to actually try to make it from scratch and even though he was watching over the stove this

whole time the pot overflowed and Mr. Quaker Oats spilled everywhere.

Dina couldn't bring herself out of bed and hardly ate anything. That's why Drake was trying to fix

her some homemade oatmeal.

She needed to keep her strength up.

"I knew that Karen chick was demented." Megan said not offering to help Drake clean up but rather

sit at the table and check her cell phone messages.

"You know not everyone who is trans---"

"Wow. Aren't you the one to hand out little life lessons? Considering Mom sent your ignorant ass

away."

"Megan!"

Drake was the one that had to tell Dina that the police arrested Karen for not only raping and

murdering Stephanie, but killing her Mom as well. There was to be no funeral for Stephanie because

her father was an ignorant prick. There was only a small service for her Mother and Dina was too

heart sick to go.

"Sorry, Drake, but the reality is—you aren't one to talk. Killing starts with ignorance. Similar to the

ignorance of you and Walter."

Drake refused to comment as he used about one hundred sheets of Bounty paper towels to clean up

the oatmeal mess. He didn't need to prove himself to his pretend tough sister.

Drake held Dina as she cried herself to sleep. That's when he found himself downstairs a few hours

later trying to make her breakfast. At least he could pour the boiling water in the cup and pop a tea

bag in.

Dina opened up one tired eye when Drake thought he was trying to be quiet when he set a food tray

down on the dresser.

"Did I wake you?"

"No." she lied

"Dina, you need to eat, so I made you oatmeal. I'm sorry that the sides of the bowl are crusty. I

kind of had a little accident on the stove."

"Drake—I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten much. At least have the tea, I put lemon in it."

Dina took the mug out of a polite courtesy but she wasn't thirsty either.

"Thanks. Drake get my phone off the table."

"Who do you want to call?"

He half expected a "none of your business" but was surprised that she actually told him, "Miss

Mason. I'm quitting my volunteer work."

"Dina! You can't do that…"

"I can do whatever the Hell I feel like doing Drake. Just leave me alone."

Dina was friends with Karen. She brought that evil into Stephanie's young and short life. She was

always going to feel guilty about her role in all this.

"Well, fine!" Drake still had her phone in his hands, "But if you want stay in bed and feel sorry for

yourself. I'm putting this phone in the bathroom so you'll have to get up to get it. So there."

"Go to Hell." She really didn't mean that, but he always knew how to push her buttons. Sometimes

she wanted to wring his neck. He could be such an irritant.

Drake let her go on. She just needed to verbally lash out at someone and he was the one who

happened to be in the room at the time.

Dina took one sip of the tea—how much lemon juice did he put in the cup? The whole bottle? She

placed it back on the table and went back to hide in her haven of safe blankets.

**A few hours later**

Audrey got Dina to eat some chicken broth and the reason why Dina was able to eat it was because

no lecture was attached. She also took that rock hard oatmeal away.

There was a knock on the door. She really was in no mood to talk to Drake. She needed her space.

"Drake, leave me alone."

"It's not Drake," he opened the door a crack, "It's me Tommy. May I come in?"

At that moment Dina didn't care about her appearance. She nervously put her strands of hair behind

her ear.

"Sure."

"Drake said I could come up to say 'hello'. I'm sorry to hear about your friend."

If Drake told Tommy that she was a trans female she was going to go downstairs and kick him in the

guitar case. The whole point of transitioning was to pass in society not to have a sign around your

neck advertising your previous life.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. What did Drake say?"

"Only that someone you knew was killed by someone you also knew."

Oh that was an almost a _worse _way to describe it.

"I'm afraid I'm not up for a visit. I'm exhausted."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying that Tommy. I do appreciate that you stopped by."

"I hope you feel better soon, Dina." He wanted to kiss her on the cheek, but didn't think it was

appropriate.

"Thank you."

And that was it. The one time they get to talk and it was like THIS big rock was on top of her

crushing her spirit. But if she told Tommy everything she would have to risk telling him

EVERYTHING that she was born Joshua Nichols. That's not what she wanted to do if she could

help it. But she knew she had to get off her ass and go in the bathroom to get her phone from

wherever Drake put it and take a shower.

She had to call Miss Mason to let her know she'd be _returning_ back to volunteer in two weeks.

**An hour later**

"Tommy left?" Dina asked Drake who was sitting on the couch flipping through the pages of a music

magazine.

"Yeah. You came downstairs."

"I can't stay up there forever." She sat next to him.

"I'm glad."

"I'm sorry I told you to go to Hell. I didn't mean that."

"I know you didn't Dina."

"You'll be happy to know I called Miss Mason to let her know when I'll be returning to the mentor

program."

"That's good. You're very good at helping people."

"Drake---"

"Yeah?"

"There never seems to be a right time to ask you what your problem was…."

"Oh _that_." He did the quoting gestures with his hands

"Yeah---do you want to talk about anything?"

"I'm sorry—I just can't adjust as quickly as you might like. And it might seem like I backtracked,

but I---can we just drop this? It's too hard to talk about."

"Of course."

"Just know that I never mean it when I act like a jackass and I apologize."

Dina really wanted to know what in the heck was on her brother's mind, but she chose not to

push it since he in typical closed Drake Parker fashion wanted the matter dropped.

"Hug me, brother?"

Hugs from Drake always made Dina feel better.

"Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

"What's tomorrow night?"

"T-Rod and I are going to Club 627 and check out one of the bands there. Do you want to join

us?"

Dina thought of Stephanie's bright optimistic about the future smile and responded with the only

words that she could.

"Yes. Yes, I do."


	24. Hidden

**Chapter 24**

**Hidden**

…**later the next day**

_Tommy sent me flowers._

_They're beautiful._

Dina put the flowers in one of the few vases that were left over from the family's previous house. It

was a simple white ceramic design with a green border along the white scalloped edges of the top.

She wanted to look extra special even though it wasn't technically a date. Drake was coming along.

She had to remember that she was the invited guest of her brother. Tommy and Drake were

supposed to be at Club 627 to find their drummer. Not to give Dina an opportunity to get to know

Tommy Rodriguez better.

She was going to do her best to make every moment count.

"…Did T-Rod send you these flowers?"

Was that a sign of approval or disapproval?

As time wore on it was getting more difficult to read Drake's mind.

_And I'm supposed to be the complicated one of the family?_

"Yes, he did. Aren't they lovely? How did he know that I love daisies?"

She decided to put her hair in a ponytail and covering up the elastic band with a powder blue scarf.

"Lucky guess. Did you see my box of guitar pics?"

"No."

If he didn't keep his side of the room looking like a pigs sty he wouldn't be running around like a

maniac looking for stuff.

"I think I left them in the basement…." and off he went.

Dina didn't mean to think it, but she was glad Drake was gone for the moment. She wanted to

wonder about the evening in silence without anyone present. Dina put down her blush compact and

figured while he was gone she would straighten up his side of the room.

What clutter! How could he be so messy? This room was much smaller than the loft apartment

feeling of their old room. Maybe, that's what made the mess look worse. But in any event, she knew

Drake would get sidetracked looking for his guitar pics so she could properly straighten up around

here. And if that meant straightening up his boxer shorts in the dresser drawer than so be it.

Was that a pizza box under his sofa/bed? No wonder this room was starting to smell funky.

Dina was on her hands and knees trying to get the box out from under the sofa, but something

seemed to be under it. She lost some of her upper arm strength due to the estrogen, but Josh

Nichols wasn't exactly Mr. Universe either. Finally! A plain hardcover brown book took

precedence over the pizza box.

What was this?

This was the size of the blank paper journals that you see in Hallmark.

No way.

Drake Parker was keeping a journal?

_On purpose?_

It was private and Dina knew better. She was glad that the diary Megan

had found of hers a years ago had nothing to do with being transgender.

The last entry was before Stephanie was murdered, which meant that Drake got tired of writing

(naturally) and shoved this under the sofa in typical frustration.

…_T-Rod likes Dina_

…_Dina likes T-Rod (he told her to call him Tommy)_

…_He wants me to set something up between them._

…_I'm okay with this (sort-of)._

…_I miss Josh. I never got to say goodbye to Josh. _

_My fault. _

_I wished her death. I didn't mean that._

_I love Dina….I love Josh too….I miss the things we used to do together._

…_Sometimes, and I know it's wrong, but I blame Dina for making Walter leave. I just started _

_caring for the man—and trusting him---and now he's gone. No one knows where he is. _

_I know it's not her fault—but how can I stop caring for Walter Nichols?_

_I'm bad person for thinking like this. _

So that explains everything!

Dina heard Drake coming up the stairs so she shoved the journal and the pizza box back under the

sofa before going back to the task of putting on her make up.

"Drake, did you find your guitar pics?"

"Yeah. They were on the coffee table in the living room."

He took the box out of his back jeans pocket and placed them on his dresser.

"That's good."

"Did you straighten up my side of the room?"

"Yes. It's gross. Have you heard of mildew?"

"Thanks."

What?

Were they reduced to small talk now?

"I have an idea…let's go to Mystic Mountain and ride The Demonator."

Neither Drake nor Dina had been there since junior year in high school before Josh let Dina out of

the closet. She remembered because it was like a hundred degrees outside, but she still secretly

wore her pantyhose and one light coat of clear nail polish. But Dina also remembered riding her

favorite roller coaster with her favorite person. Drake tried to win this stuffed bear for some

skunkbag of a girl who was wearing nothing but a tube top, short shorts, and flip-flops.

He couldn't knock the pins down and the girl moved on to some other guy.

"Today?" Drake inquired

Since when does one need to think about going to an amusement park? This was one of their

favorite places to go.

"If you don't want to that's okay…"

"I'm just busy…."

"Of course. Well, I offered." She needed to go downstairs to not only get something to eat, but to

get out of here before this escalated into _something_.

Her frown was short lived when she noticed Tommy at the front door about to ring the bell.

"Hello, Tommy."

"Hey, Dina."

"Thank you for the flowers. Come in…"

"You're welcome. Is Drake upstairs?"

He didn't know about her, but his heart was beating a million miles a minute.

"Yeah, he is."

Dina started to walk away.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

There was really no sense burdening the man she fancied with the on/off/on/off-ness relationship she

seemed to be having with Drake lately.

_He blames me for Dad leaving…_

"Are you still coming to the club with us?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

Tommy was the first man she had REAL feelings for and she didn't care if Drake was going to be a

sour puss the whole evening. Nothing was going to stop her from having a good time getting to

know this man better.

"Awesome. I'll see you later, Dina."

"Of course you will, Tommy."

**Club 627**

Dina hated these kinds of places. Everyone here didn't seem to care about any of the bands on the

bill. They were just here to party and get laid. She also hated seeing how Drake operated in this

environment. Was he not here for the purpose of finding a drummer for the band? So, why was he

chatting up to some girl in a barely there halter top and mini skirt by the bar?

"I'm sorry about that." Dina said to Tommy as they found their way to an empty back booth.

"Sorry about what?"

"Drake ditching us—you—so he could chat up that tramp."

"Oh. I'm kind of happy about it." He put his one hand on top of hers and quickly released it.

"You didn't have to let go…"

Now it was Dina's turn for her heart to rapidly beat.

Tommy deflected his nervousness by flagging down a waitress so he could order a bottle of beer

and whatever the lady would like.

"Surprise me. Something with an umbrella in it."

"Did I tell you that you look very nice tonight? You're like a supermodel."

Dina thought she was dressed a little too conservative for the mostly female slutty clientele at Club

627 in a cotton light blue v-neck shirt and a denim skirt. But the v-neck matched the scarf that she

covered the elastic ponytail holder with.

"You just did. A supermodel, huh? It's a good thing I know you're being sincere. Thank you. So tell

me something about yourself, Tommy."

The waitress came with their drinks, but as if he knew Dina was going to ask this question he

seemed to have a quick reply at the ready.

"I've been playing the bass since I was twelve."

_That's not quite what I meant._

"That's—"

That's when Drake sans harlot came to the table. He more like bumped into the table, before being

able to slide himself in. Dina would have had something to say about the whole thing if Tommy

wasn't there.

Dina could smell the beer on her brother's breath already.

"I hope I'm not _disturbing _you two." Drake said with a nudge-nudge, wink-wink emphasis on the

word 'disturbing'. Dina wished he'd have stayed at the bar.

"How many beers did you have?" Dina asked out of concern. Wishing that Tommy wasn't here to

witness this. She didn't want to ask, but she couldn't help it.

"Just a couple. I don't get drunk all that easily."

His eyes were all glassy. Did he take something else besides the alcohol?

What happened to the important task of finding a drummer?

Drake snapped his fingers and Dina knew he was going to order _another_ beer.

"Hey," Tommy asked as he gently put his hand on Dina's shoulder, "I think I left my wallet in your

car and you locked the doors."

He was going to take Drake's car keys away from him without Drake realizing what he was doing.

"Here," Drake fumbled to get them out of his inside jean jacket pocket. He tossed the keys where

they landed in Dina's tropical drink, "Bullseye!"

Even though it wasn't an extreme drunken display Dina was still embarrassed that Tommy had to

observe this. But she was grateful that he hoodwinked him into handing over his car keys. Dina took

the keys out of her strawberry daiquiri and wiped them with the paper napkin before handing them

to Tommy.

"I'm just going to the restroom." He whispered in her ear to make it look like he was leaving to get

his wallet.

"Thanks."

"Aww! You two are so CUTE together!"

"Drake…"

"It's okay…" Tommy whispered once more before leaving the table.

"I know what you're thinking."

"You do, do you?"

The waitress put Drake's bottle of beer on the table.

"I just need to relax. Are you going to spoil my good time?"

Dina thought about the words she read in Drake's journal:

…_Sometimes, and I know it's wrong, but I blame Dina for making Walter leave. _

So, what now? Was he going to become an alcoholic?

Was she going to get the blame for that too?

"I'm leaving to find Tommy, so he can drive me home."

"Fine…Whatever."

"He'll come back to pick you up."

"That's cool."

Drake wasn't even looking Dina in the eyes.

"I'll see you later, Drake."

**In the car**

"I hope you don't mind going back to pick up, Drake. I could call a cab…"

Dina rambled on to Tommy in Drake's car.

"Dina, it's okay."

"Does he drink much around you? Have you seen him do any drugs?"

"Just the normal amount and I've never seen him do any hard drugs so don't worry."

"He's my brother, Tommy. I'm going to worry."

"You're too pretty."

That seemed rather randomly inserted, but she needed to hear it.

Truth was Dina wanted more cosmetic surgery. All she wanted was just a simple breast

enhancement and a slight lip injection.

"Thank you. Looks like we're here," She fished around in her purse for her butterfly key chain.

"I'll come back for my car after I pick Drake up."

"That's fine."

Neither one of them left the confines of the car.

"I know we haven't had an official date, Miss Nichols, but would you be offended if I wanted to

kiss you goodnight?"

"No. I want you to."

_Oh, how I want you to._

Tommy put his arms around Dina and kissed her on the lips. It was one of those starts off slow, but

end with bang type of kiss.

At that moment Dina felt that she could have walked on air.

"How was that?" he shyly asked

She put her hands on his stubbly cheeks, "Lovely."

"Really?" he seemed quite surprised

"Don't be so surprised, Tommy," Dina opened up her purse to take out a pen, "Do you have

something to write on?"

"This is Drake's car. Hey!" He took the pine tree shaped air freshener off the rear view mirror, "I

found something."

Dina laughed.

"This will do," She wrote down her phone number inside the small white box on the bottom. "Call

me."

"I will."

"I'll leave the door open so you can get Drake in the house."

"Thanks."

This time she took the reigns and decided to kiss him. She didn't want the night to end.

"Goodnight, Tommy."

"'Night, Dina. And don't worry. I'll bring home Drake safe and sound."

"Thank you." She finally opened the car door so she could take a nice, long hot bubble bath and

dream about how she wish the night went with Tommy.

"And Dina…"

"Yes?"

She nervously put the loose strands of blonde hair behind her ear.

"I'll call you…"


	25. Slip of the Tongue Part One

**Chapter 25**

**Slip of the Tongue**

**Part One**

…**two months later**

**(Dina & Tommy have been going out steady since the previous chapter)**

Megan couldn't sleep. Her life truly stunk. Everyone in the universe has let her down in some way or

the other. Her mother wanted to make an issue out of her finally being a part of Drake's "F Club".

All she wanted to do was hang with her friends and be left alone. She was on her way back to the

safety and solitude of her own room with a bottle of water and a pack of Fig Newtons when she

noticed the door slightly open to Drake and Dina's room.

Who were they kidding sharing a room with each other? Even if they respected each other's

personal property by getting dressed in the bathroom it was still a sham as far as the young Miss

Parker was concerned. They were hardly buddy-buddy anymore. She noticed Drake pulling slightly

back from Dina while proclaiming that he cared about her. What bullshit. Something was bugging

him.

She peeked inside to see Dina sitting on Drake's sofa reading something.

"What'cha doing, Boob?"

Good. Make her jump. The people in this family needed to woken up.

_They were all such liars. _

You couldn't count on any of them.

"Megan! You scared the Hell out of me."

"That means you are doing something you aren't supposed to."

Dina was waiting for her younger sister to continue with the intrusion, but Megan just rolled her eyes

and left. That was Dina's signal to get up to close the door and lock it.

Drake wrote one entry since she last eyed this journal a few months ago when she first found it. He

wrote it with a thin purple Sharpie marker.

_I don't hate Dina… She has T-Rod and I have no one._

He even got creative and drew a teardrop on the tail of the lower case 'a'

in her name.

…_but do I resent her?_

"Drake resents me?" Dina closed the book and placed it back under the sofa. Why couldn't he just

TALK to her about their father? Why was he repressing it so he could use that as an excuse to

blame her for it?

This happened quite a bit, one of the girls at the Reach Out program had a sister who tried—but

couldn't get passed the situation and eventually left the family fold.

A lot of the ladies on the Yahoogroup had similar family stories.

'Maybe, we are selfish…' Dina once tried to write in an email, but quickly erased it, because she

knew deep down that it wasn't true.

She heard Drake coming up the stairs and quickly unlocked the door and jumped into her bed as

she put the covers over her head to pretend she was asleep.

_Damn. I left the light on._

Drake and Tommy finally found some drummer candidates and were going to be auditioning them in

the next few days.

She heard Drake's Big Sigh and wanted to remove the blankets from her face and make it all better.

But she couldn't. This wasn't her fault.

He took his watch off and threw it on the dresser. His boots made a thud on the floor.

Next he unzipped his jeans and she knew he threw them on the floor. Drake turned off the light and

Dina knew even though he was lying down he wasn't sleeping.

She thought of his words from a few months ago:

"_Just know that I never mean it when I act like a jackass and I apologize."_

That was an all-purpose quote of convenience. He also said things were difficult to talk about.

Bullshit. They've known each other for far too long for him to be playing that 'game'. And a jackass

is still a jackass even if he apologizes in advance for being one.

Since the lights were turned off Dina uncovered her head.

"Goodnight, Drake."

He didn't say a word back and Dina wanted to throw her alarm clock at him because she knew

damn well he was only pretending to be asleep like she was before.

She didn't want to lose him. But she had Tommy now. They didn't make love yet, and he respected

(a rarity!) her decision to wait until she was ready. They were going out for breakfast so Dina was

trying to rest her head. Not that things were easy there: She still debated telling him about being born

Josh. But, was it required to tell the other person? The whole point of transitioning was to transition

into society and blend in with the biologically born gender that you changed into.

But how could she keep that a secret from the man she was starting to love?

Then again, Tommy Rodriguez didn't reveal much about himself either ever since the night of their

second date when she made him a homemade spaghetti dinner. He told her his sister died when he

was eleven. Ever since then she didn't press the issue on Tommy's past. It was obvious there was

some kind of family dissolution. Was it her business to know what it was just because they were

going out?

Unlike Drake she couldn't just think 'whatever' and eventually fall asleep. Dina was up for a good

hour and a half before her body would even let her think of fulfilling her need to sleep.

**Breakfast**

Dina tried to stop herself from yawning while her and Tommy waited for their breakfast at IHOP.

"I know someone who is still sleepy…" Tommy said while drinking his orange juice.

"Yeah you do. Drake came home late and I couldn't sleep."

It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

The waitress came by with his steak and eggs and Dina's omelet and toast. She was trying to watch

her carbs, but you couldn't have eggs without the toast. Dina would be good and skip the cute little

packet of strawberry jam.

"I'd like another cup of coffee, please."

And not from the pot with the orange handle.

"When I take you home…I want you to go straight to bed."

"I have an afternoon shift at the Pacific."

"You can still sleep for a few hours. I'm not saying it wouldn't be tempting to join you in that

bed…."

"Did I say you could join me in my bed?" Dina stirred her coffee, while raising a flirting eyebrow.

"What about mine?"

Dina laughed. He was just too cute. This was what was missing in her life. Being able to share with

someone that you cared about. Although, she wasn't sure how much she was supposed to share.

Being transgender had nothing to do with it. Everyone wants to tell their significant other everything.

It is what made a relationship advance to the next deeper level.

"Did you know you are cute?"

She deserved this relaxing breakfast with her boyfriend.

"Did you know that I love you, Dina Nichols?"

What?

Rewind.

He tried to sneak that sentence in under the radar over their morning meal at the San Diego IHOP.

Dina blinked to stop the happy tears from forming.

"What did you say, Tommy?"

It was the first time that he said it.

"I think you heard me," He picked up her hand, "I love you, Dina."

He kissed her hand and she felt like she could fly across the room as if she had wings.

"I love you too, Tommy."

It never felt this way with Mindy Crenshaw. Josh was needy and so was Mindy. It reminded her in

some ways of the relationship with Karen Gold. To have a need that wasn't based out of neediness

was a wonderful feeling. She never felt so alive.

"Does this mean---" it was his turn to raise his eyebrow

"Nope. It means you better finish your breakfast before you get into any trouble."

Maybe, in a few days, she'd be ready to share a bed. But she still wanted to wait just a little while

longer. Dina was glad that in spite of the boyish jokes that Tommy was a gentleman who understood

her decision to wait until she was ready.

Guys like that weren't exactly coming out of the woodwork. Even Drake was a love 'em and leave

'em type. And yet he could write in his journal that he had no one?

Well he wouldn't if he was relying on a satisfying a sexual desire versus building a real relationship

with a solid foundation.

"Yes, Ma'am."

Dina had no idea that it was all about to crumble within the space of thirty days.

**An accident**

**30 days later**

There was a small mini room in the basement that Drake thought would make a cool semi bedroom.

A neighbor had loaned Drake these orange moving bands that were able to let people strap these

bands to the item you wanted to move and put your hands through the loops of the bands and not

feel the weight of what you were moving. He didn't want to hurt Dina's feelings and that's why he

enlisted T-Rod's help while she was working at the movie theater. He wouldn't mention her

volunteer work. It was too taboo.

He and Dina needed their individual space. Drake really hoped that Dina wouldn't cry over it. He

couldn't handle it when a woman cried. Besides, it was only a matter of time before he would open

up the door to their room and catch her and his band mate in bed together. Drake Parker didn't

need to see any of that.

They got the sofa in the room. It fit with a few inches to spare on either side of the wall. And he

could leave it permanently folded out in bed mode. Drake took some of the boxes that Audrey had

left over from their move here with some odds and ends in them. Drake naturally filled up the boxes

too high and the one T-Rod was carrying had some of its contents fall onto his sofa bed.

He picked up the picture. The one teenager was obviously Drake with his freckled face, spikey hair,

and seemingly preppy blue striped t-shirt. Who was the other guy in the photo? With his dark curly

hair, blue shirt, and a red vest with a big "P" on the chest. Who was he?

Drake felt the panic rise up in his throat.

"That's Dina," Drake took the photo out of T-Rod's hand to place it back in the box. Oh fucking

shit. What have I done? He thought. "Oops. He's my c-cousin—Josh."

If Drake was ever thankful for the doorbell ringing and the UPS guy wanting him to sign for a box it

was at that very moment.

Tommy sat on the sofa and picked up the photograph out of the box to look at it more closely.

Drake was going to come downstairs and make sure the subject was changed and Tommy was

okay with it.

"No," He put the photo back in the back face down as if to hide its existence, "No…."

**Later**

Dina felt uneasy. It was the first time in bed with Tommy, but it was as if his mind was elsewhere.

She really wanted to cuddle with him. She needed the strong and safe arms of her boyfriend around

her. Drake moved downstairs to the basement. It didn't bother her as much as she thought, but it

still made her shed a few tears over his leaving the way he did. Not talking it over with her. Waiting

for her to be at work when it would be a done deed.

He seemed to be in that bathroom an awful long time. She tried to not to get up in a fit of worry and

start knocking on the door to ask if he was all right.

Tommy sat on the clothes hamper sans shirt but wearing his jeans revealing the anchor tattoo that

was on his chest.

He had his wallet open and sighed before standing up and putting his wallet in his back jeans pocket.

Looking at his face in the medicine cabinet mirror and holding on to the sides he let out a regret

filled,

"Damn it."

This was not going to be easy.

"Oh, baby, you're back…." Dina propped the pillows up.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore." He went to get his sneakers and shirt that were

on the other side of the bed.

"What?" She flew out of the bed, but couldn't move once she did.

"It's for the best…."

"What? Says who?"

"I saw your picture. Granted, Drake tried to cover it up and say you were was his cousin Josh but

he said the name Dina first. It was no accident."

_I'm going to strangle him._

_I'm going to fucking strangle him._

"Yes," she walked towards him, "You have a problem that I was born a male and remedied the

situation?"

"No. I just think you should date---I just don't think we should date anymore."

"We said we loved each other."

"I'm sorry. I thought I meant it. I guess I don't."

He knew that wasn't true. What were the fucking odds of this happening?

She sat on the bed and rubbed her forehead feeling the biggest headache form.

"What a terrible thing to say…."

"I should've told you how I felt—but I wanted to hold you one last time to see if holding you felt the

same way. Dina, you're wonderful…you'll find a man who can really love you the way you deserve

to be."

"Don't patronize me."

"It's better to know this now than later."

"Just leave. And thank you Tommy Rodriguez for wasting my time."

When he left the room he closed the door behind him.

"I do love you, Dina, but we can't be together…."

Jesus. What kind of cruel joke was this? Was this a threefold punishment? Was this bad karma his

due?

While Megan was at a friend's house finding ways to alienate her family, Audrey at work, and

Drake getting pleasured by some groupie hanger on who likes to make self-involved films, T-Rod,

Tommy Rodriguez was able to leave without having to answer to anyone except himself.

He wondered if he'd even have a place in Drake's band after this.

**Two in the morning:**

Dina flew down the stairs as soon as she heard Drake come home and with all of the strength she

had she pushed him into the kitchen wall.

"How dare you! Tommy broke up with me tonight. Because you allegedly accidentally said the

person in the photo was Dina."

Although technically it was Dina in that photograph, but that was hardly the point.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean---"

"Save it!" She pushed him twice because she felt like it, "You're just as bad as he is…Thank you,

Drake. Thank you, Drake for ruining my only chance at happiness. Thank you so much. Here's one

for you, this time I HATE YOU. Deal with that."

"What is going on down here?" Audrey came into the scene.

"Ask your careless son. I'm going to bed…."

Dina ran upstairs to take a shower so she could sob in peace and quiet. Because she was in no

mood to even try to go to sleep at the moment.

"Drake? I'm waiting…."

"It was an accident, Mom. I swear to God, it was an accident."

_Author's Note: To be continued…_


	26. Slip of the Tongue Part Two

**Chapter 26**

**Slip of the Tongue**

**Part Two**

…**5 hours after the previous chapter**

**(told via Dina's posts to her transgender Yahoogroup. She calls**

**Tommy 'John' to protect his identity.)**

…_And like so many things in my life. It doesn't last. _

_My beyond idiotic brother made, oh what are we calling it? A slip of the tongue? Yeah right. _

_"John" was helping him move out of our room (that's another story for later) while I was at _

_work. I guess a photograph he had of us together—the only difference was I was pre-op. It _

_fell out of the box, and when "John" asked who it was that's when my world came crashing _

_down. I've been crying on and off—and I just got the strength to crawl out of my mother's _

_bed (she let me sleep with her. Because I couldn't bear to be in that room even if my stupid _

_brother wasn't in it) and type this message to the group. I lost my soulmate. He said it wasn't _

_because he put two and two together and realized the boy in the picture was the woman he's _

_been dating. I don't know what to believe, since it happened after he saw Josh in the _

_photograph. He told me he thought he loved me, but now he didn't. I didn't feel the same way _

_to him. "John" told me that I'm wonderful and I deserve to be loved. He told me he loved _

_me, but we CAN'T be together. His words really don't make sense. Yet, I don't blame _

_"John", I blame Drake. I thought endlessly of telling him about being born Josh Nichols. _

_How do you keep being transgender a secret? Yes, we are supposed to transition into society, _

_but our romantic relationships, if one is looking for true love and what-not, are with only one _

_person. OR we should STRIVE to want to be monogamous. We are more intelligent than the _

_animals. Society has nothing to do with it. I'm going to miss the promise I could've had with _

_"John" and I don't know if I can forgive my brother for what he's done. _

_Hugs and Kisses, _

_you have all been there for me when I lost my young friend, Stephanie. I hate to bring yet _

_another Dina crisis on this group. I'm not the only one here with problems so I'll end this post _

_now. _

_--xoxo Dina Nichols_

**Next Day:**

_It was typical macho crap. I'm so glad I don't have to pretend to be masculine anymore. _

_Drake and __I are pretty much reduced to small talk. He keeps trying to apologize, but I won't _

_have it. I just __happened to be home when "John" came over to pick up his amp and of _

_course, Drake, had to __punch him in the jaw and attempt to kick him out of their band. This _

_was going on while they were __auditioning drummers! I got between them and I told them to _

_knock it off. That anything that __happened between "John" and I had absolutely nothing to _

_do with their band. And they better just __leave me out of it. I told Drake I didn't want to be _

_blamed for this one either. And then I realized my __own slip of the tongue. But I didn't care. At _

_least the truth is out there._

"_John" looked terrible. So, for those who filled my email box with "Dina, you're better off _

_without him, honey"—don't know what they're fucking talking about. He's obviously hurting _

_over SOMETHING. SOMEONE. I don't know. Our eyes met and I just wanted him to take _

_me in his strong arms and kiss me—and make all of the bad go away. At least, I can still hear _

_him play his bass. It's not the same, but I'll take it._

_But know that "John" is just as miserable as I am. It's not like he's walking through a fresh _

_meadow. _

_--xoxo Dina Nichols_

_**Four days later:**_

_I'm doing the only thing I can do at the moment. Survive. I do my Reach Out volunteer work, _

_I have __my job at the movies, and I've been thinking about finally going to college since _

_legally I am Dina—which was why I put it off going in the first place. It's just my humble _

_opinion, but these articles that I've been reading about transitioning while at work or at _

_school in my mind are just insane. We have all known people who were victims of hate _

_crimes. Although, isn't every crime a hate crime? And, Stephanie was murdered because of _

_Karen's jealousy not because she was transgendered, because Karen is too. And I really hope, _

_even though I know I shouldn't. I really hope she's getting a difficult time in prison due to her _

_top half being female. She took innocence away and that doesn't sit lightly with me. I'm sorry _

_to have rambled on, but, that is why I think especially for the young people to transition while _

_they are in school is just not something I can sit here and recommend. It should be done while _

_you are not in school or having the responsibility to work. Maybe, for some it's the only way, _

_but we know how evil can be—just pick up any major city newspaper. So, the point is I want _

_to go back to school. I want to live far away in a dorm and be just one of the girls. I also _

_want to forget. I'll miss my mother terribly, my sister (even though she's an angsty mess), and _

_I guess I'll barely miss Drake. But I need to forget for a while. I can't stand "John" coming _

_over and playing in Drake's band—and the longer I sneak glances at him, the more angry I _

_become that he's just allowing himself to be eaten up by whatever is inside of him that he _

_won't let out._

_I'm a good catch. _

LOL 

_And I look cute in my swirly skirts. _

_But more important than that, I'm a good person that deserves to be loved, and it took a lot _

_of __years of talks with my Grammy, mom, and therapist(s) to believe it. _

_As much as I hate to say this, I need to move on and away. New York is too cliché. Maybe, I _

_should be like Mary Richards and move to Minneapolis so I can toss my hat in the air—that I _

_made it after all._

_I don't know where I'm going, but I know I can't stay here._

_Dina Nichols needs to blossom._

_Hugs and Kisses,_

_--xoxo Dina_


	27. Don't Go

**Chapter 27**

**Don't Go**

…**A week later**

"So, you're just leaving?" Drake asked from the doorway as Dina folded her clothes neatly before

putting them into her roller suitcase with the pink and purple hearts design.

"I'm simply going to check out some schools on the east coast."

"You can do that online."

Dina let her pale yellow cami fall out of her hands doing her best to turn around with an even

temperament on her face.

"I don't want to argue with you, Drake. Yet, this seems to be something you want. One minute you

resent me and then the next you try and beat up the man that broke my heart; you cannot have it

both ways."

"I don't want to argue with you, Dina. I didn't mean to reveal anything to T-Rod. How insensitive of

a jerk do you think I am?"

"I never know where I stand with you. I'm either your favorite person or you grow ashamed of

me—and I _cannot_ take it anymore. I will not."

Drake started to walk away he really didn't need this bullshit, but something made him stand his

ground.

"I DON'T hate you. I don't know where you get off thinking that. And while we're at it—what I

wrote in my journal is NONE of your business!"

"…maybe I shouldn't have." She conceded, but wasn't really sure if she meant those words. He'd

have read her private things if they were just out in the open. Okay, so his was hidden under the

sofa. Same thing.

"So you can have a double standard, but I can't? I KNOW it's NOT your fault, okay? DO you

think I'm stupid like everyone else seems to think? Dina, you used to make me believe in myself. I'm

SORRY my prejudice got in the way--." Drake wanted to sit down on the sofa that was now in his

basement bedroom so he had to settle for one of the extra kitchen chairs instead.

Dina sighed and closed the door. She threw the bath towels that were draped over the office chair

she found at a flea market and sat next to her brother.

"I love you." She held his hand.

"I love you, too. I told you before it is taking me awhile to adjust to things. I'm not some bad person

that is going to make your life miserable."

God. What was happening to him? Drake Parker emote like this? He never really showed his inner

heart to anyone.

There were things about him that even their own mother didn't know.

"I know that."

"I knew it was wrong to blame you for Dad leaving….I needed to blame someone."

"And I was handy? Gee thanks. Do you resent me?"

"NO. I knew I was wrong to think this. I'm human. Everyone thinks I'm devil may care Drake. _I _

_have feelings_…and I know it's not your fault. I fucking know that, Dina. I just miss Walter. I can't

turn it off and hate him. Maybe, wherever he is, he's hurting too."

Drake stood up. He really needed to go outside for some air. He gently put his head against the

window glass.

Dina followed to put her hands on his shoulders. He was so tense.

"I'd be so lost without you in my life." She kissed his cheek and went back to resume her packing.

After a few seconds Drake turned around,

"You're still going?"

"Yes. I need the break. I need a change of scenery."

"But we made up…"

"Drake, I know that. It's got nothing to do with you---why don't you come with me?"

"I can't. I have a band, remember?"

"And you can't take some time off?"

"I think you're just using this trip as an excuse to run away from things."

"But we just made up." It was now Dina's turn to say

"So you're not running away?"

"If you were going on tour I wouldn't say you were running away from your problems."

"If I was going on tour, I'd have a reason."

"And who says I can't go to school on the east coast?"

"Only if you really want to, Dina, and I don't think you really want to."

"I do want to take a trip…"

"So take a trip," Drake folded his arms, "But don't act like you give a shit

about going to school on the east coast, when I KNOW better."

"My one friend is trying to get me tickets to see Oprah, but she's

not having much luck."

"Well there's other places you can go….."

"I really just want to be with Tommy." She admitted while her cheeks turned red at the thought of

packing her underwear in her suitcase with her brother in the room.

"I'm sorry about that. There's something not right about T-Rod."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not criticizing him, I'm just saying. I've known him for awhile and yet, I know nothing about

him."

"Since when do you guys have hearts to hearts?"

"You know what I mean. Come on, let's go…."

"Go where?"

"To the planetarium….you know…astronomy…the study of stars and planets."

"It's exciting to know things! Why the planetarium?"

"Because there's this hot girl who works there that I want to go out with."

"Figures."

So, Drake wanted to take Dina to the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center because he just wanted to

see the typical 'hot girl' who works there?

No. He wanted to spend time with Dina, but for some reason after all the words they just said, and

have said, he couldn't bring himself to actually say so. Dina closed her suitcase and snapped it shut.

She could finish this later.

"Okay. I'll go with you, Drake. But only on one condition?"

"What's that?"

"That you'll buy me a strawberry banana smoothie."

"You got yourself a deal."

There was no need to hug or to proclaim, "I love you" once again.

It was a given.

**2 a.m. posting on Dina's YG:**

_My doubts regarding my brother Drake are 100 per cent officially over. He cares. _

_He really does care._

_--xoxo Hugs and Kisses,  
_

_Dina_


	28. Scarlet Billows Part One

**Chapter 28**

**Scarlet Billows**

**Part One**

**...one month later**

Dina continued to bite her tongue, literally, as Drake convinced her that driving to Las Vegas would

be a better idea than flying there. It would be a celebratory blow out considering that Dina was

going to go to the University of Arizona to get her degree in Health Sciences. I-125 North was not

becoming I-515 North. They never should have stopped at that McDonald's because Drake had to

have a chocolate milkshake.

Dina couldn't hold it back any longer.

"Drake, please admit that you are lost!"

"I'm _not _lost."

"Beg to differ," Dina waved the print out from Yahoo maps, "I-125 North is supposed to become

I-515 North. You better get off at the next exit and ask for directions."

"I'm NOT lost."

"I'm at the mercy of an idiot driving a crappy Impala. Idiot!"

"Remind me why I thought this would be a good trip to take?"

"Headaches…."

The normal four hour and a half trip turned into a six hour trip. By the time they got to the

moderately priced Station Casino hotel that was just off the Strip, the only thing Dina wanted to do

besides empty her bladder was to crawl into bed and stay there.

"What are you doing?" Drake asked

"What does it look like? I'm tired from that long ass car ride."

"But this is Las Vegas! Don't you want---"

"Drake, go have your fun. I want to go to sleep."

Drake felt odd about leaving Dina alone in their room.

This trip was supposed to be for them. But if his sister said that she wanted to sleep then he had to

respect that. But did she have to claim the bed by the window?

It still didn't stop him from throwing his blue duffle on the alternate bed and taking out his black

swimming trunks.

Hopefully, there would be someone in this town who would put out, since most of the girls back

home were all teases.

Dina closed her eyes when she heard Drake close the bathroom door. He was probably going to

leave his clothes on the floor and there was absolutely no way that she was going to clean up after

him on her (their) vacation.

**Poolside **

It couldn't have been no more than an hour that Dina was in her room sleeping, before she decided

to get up and check to see what Drake was doing. She unpacked her suitcase and put all of her

clothes in the closet and drawers. She did leave one drawer for Drake. Dina never tired of seeing

her feminine clothes hanging in the closet or piled up in the dresser. She laid out all of her cosmetics

and skin care by the sink and tried to give Drake some space by the coffee maker.

She washed her face and did her whole make-up routine.

"Aw jeez," He did leave his clothes and underwear on the floor, "I'm not picking them up."

Dina had a simple one-piece black tank bathing suit. She smoothed her hands over her chest and

really wished she could go up a cup size. But that cost money. It was more important to add to the

chest then to get a lip injection. But it always made her feel incomplete that she couldn't improve on

her canvas. In the back of her mind she hoped she wasn't becoming one of those "addicted to

plastic surgery" people.

Then Tommy could see what he's really been missing out on.

A tear was forming in the corner of her eyes thinking that Tommy should be brushing her hair and

then they'd make love and would never have made it to the pool.

Why did he have to be the one to break her heart?

Dina tied her white sarong with the butterfly design at her waist. It might have taken longer to get

ready. But it was very much worth it. Now, she just had to figure out if she wanted to do the wedge

thing or the flat sandal thing. Dina wished there was an operation that could shave inches off her

height (yeah, she was a supermodel all right…damn Tommy) and her feet. She would have loved to

wear a dainty size 7. But at least the 10's were still women's shoes. Still it was a real concern of

many m-f who unfortunately were born with the tall gene and there wasn't any surgery that could

change your height.

Dina chose the flat sandals because it showed off her vivid orange painted toenails.

She threw some things into her wicker pool bag and hoped that Drake was not getting into too much

trouble.

But she knew better.

It was a Drake Parker world record. He wasn't in the pool area for about three minutes before

some red headed; sexy tart with a very large chest in a barely there (do you think he really noticed

the color?) bikini came on to him.

Dina rolled her eyes when she saw Drake in the PUBLIC hot tub area (gross to her!) making out

with some flame haired skunkbag.

Did he even know this one's name?

"Oh, hey," Drake said when he came up for some air.

"This is my sister, Dina."

The tramp was about ready to bolt until he said the magic word of "Sister".

"I'm Marti."

"Continue on. I'm going to the bar. Nice meeting you."

Dina knew Drake didn't know her name until she mentioned it again. What an unsatisfying love life

he obviously had. It was at that moment that she realized she would rather be alone than living a lie

like her brother was.

"I'd like to buy the lady a drink…."

Oh damn. She supposed this is the kind of thing that would happen when you came down to a

public pool area in your sexy bathing suit.

"No, thank you."

He had to be about forty-five and was left over from the disco era with a mound of gold chains

around a hairy chest and beer belly. And of course he had the dreaded come over.

"Come on, pretty lady, it's only a drink."

He was touching her shoulder.

"I said no thank you. And kindly remove your hand from my shoulder."

How come the bartender wasn't saying anything?

"You heard the lady…."

This was one time where she welcomed her brother doing the typical male

macho "saving the day" credo.

"And who are you?"

"Her brother," Drake pushed the guy hard as a warning shot, "Now

leave my sister alone or you'll be fucking sorry."

The mildly overweight guy sized Drake up and down before shrugging his shoulders to find the next

woman who wouldn't give him the time of day.

"Thank you, Drake."

"That's what a brother is for. You didn't get your drink did you? I know you like drinks with

umbrellas in them. Two Pina Coladas…" Drake said to the bartender

"What happened to Marti?"

"Who?"

He couldn't be that shallow. He really couldn't.

"The person you were locking lips with in the hot tub."

"Oh. She told me to come upstairs to her room in an hour she's having a party. Do you want to

come?"

"You know you don't have to go if you don't want to." Dina smiled, she liked getting drinks with

umbrellas in them. She was collecting them for the purpose of scrap booking.

"I want to. We got here so late…I guess I did get lost a little bit. We can do something tomorrow. I

mean it." He added for good measure because Drake Parker really did mean it, but he also had to

satisfy his urges.

He couldn't wait like Josh or Dina. It wasn't natural to him.

"It's okay," Dina played with her tiny cocktail umbrella, "I think I'll just write in my journal."

"Are you sure?" Drake asked

Dina really wanted to ask her brother how could he be so shallow? How could he move from girl to

girl as if they like tissues out of a box?

Drake was so lucky to not be saddled with a child he didn't want or a disease that wouldn't have

happened if he just kept his dick in his pants.

But Dina knew that Drake hated being put on the defensive and the last thing she wanted was for

them to fight ever again.

It wasn't her place to judge, it was only her place to love and support.

"Of course. Have fun, brother."

"Cool. Wake up early because we'll be hitting the breakfast buffet. I promise."

"Sure…" but Dina was certain he'd either a) not be back at the room or b) be sleeping off his

fuckfest.

"It's official— you're the best."

"I know." Dina replied as she drank her Pina Colada with tight lips.

**Next Day**

Dina didn't want to open up her eyes. Tommy coming back to her was all a dream and the reality

was that she was in a Las Vegas hotel with her brother. Or was he still gone? She opened her eyes,

but didn't otherwise get up.

The alarm clock was facing Drake's bed and she left her watch in the bathroom so Dina had no idea

on what time it was. She stretched her legs while lying down, but she didn't want to get up.

"Oh good, you're up…" Drake came in the room wearing the complimentary white robe and was

towel drying his hair.

"I'm not…" Dina closed her eyes

Usually it was the other way round. Drake would be the one you'd have to drag out of bed with the

promise of a hot breakfast and Dina would be the one up two hours earlier making it.

"Come on," Drake lightly shook her shoulder, "All you can eat for under five bucks…my treat."

It was cheaper than the IHOP back home.

"I thought you'd be still be sleeping…" she moaned

"I promised. Come on…."

"You're not even dressed yet…"

"It'll only take me five minutes, Dina."

"Drake, get dressed and then wake me up." She held onto her pillow and closed her eyes again.

**Later**

Dina wanted to watch her weight. Nothing was worse in her mind than an overweight transgendered

woman. So, she was slightly envious of Drake's mountain of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and hash

browns on his plate.

"Is that all you're eating?" Drake asked looking at Dina's fruit cup, small bowl of corn flakes, and a

glass of orange juice.

"Yes. You know Drake, this is a buffet, you can go back for second helpings."

"Are you okay?" he asked while reaching for the pepper shaker.

"I'm fine. I'm still tired from yesterday…I guess."

She did like eating outside in the patio area and feeling a light breeze. Dina really didn't want to be a

party-pooper. She knew most of this was "missing Tommy" residue.

"I'll give you my coffee for your orange juice…"

"I'm fine, Drake, but thanks."

"Looks like there will be band playing in five minutes. I hope they're good."

Entertainment was always sketchy in Vegas.

It was either the kitschy camp or the seriously dull.

The sign near the buffet entrance read

**Breakfast with the Thunderbirds**

**A '50s Revival Show**

Dina figured one pancake wouldn't ruin her figure. She wasn't paying attention when a man who

looked like he graduated from the looking like the worst host on a game show academy announced

the musical act. She silently rolled her eyes as Drake was "borrowing" the sugar from the next table

over because someone that he deemed attractive was sitting all by herself in her skimpy summer

dress.

Dina figured this cool brother of hers was all act. His self-esteem probably felt like shit, just like hers

used to back in the day. But she would never bring this up. She didn't want to fight with Drake just

so she could prove herself right.

In five seconds Dina was about to drop her plate and leave the breakfast buffet.

Drake who could easily get lost in a pretty female's eyes finally realized the band was playing Bobby

Darin's _Mack the Knife_ and right on the words

"Scarlet billows start to spread" his heart started to race.

He was also shocked.

Where was Dina? He looked over at the buffet line and she wasn't there. He did notice the cleaning

staff taking care of something that was dropped on the floor.

Drake stood up almost afraid the spotlight would shine on his face when all he wanted to do was

make a clean exit. His heart was fluttering a million pieces as he noticed one of Dina's sandals by the

exit.

What were they going to do now?

**In the room**

Dina was face down in her bed crying. Drake put her shoe down next to the other one that was on

the floor and hoped that he could help stop her pain.

"I'm s-sorry." He rubbed her back.

"N-not your f-fault, D-drake."

"We can stay at another hotel. I'll go to the front desk…"

"No," She turned her body slightly and held out her arms, "I just want you to hold me…"

"I don't know what to say…"

"H-how do _you_ feel?"

It wasn't just about her.

"I don't know. I have a good mind to go----"

"NO! Please don't make it worse. Do you think he saw us?"

Drake brushed the bangs out of Dina's face and kissed her on the cheek, "I don't think so. So,

Dad's an oldies singer at a Vegas resort?"

"We have to tell Mom so she can stop worrying about his whereabouts."

And God only knew how Megan was going to take the news.

"I know. Why don't you rest, Sis?"

"You're going to face him aren't you?"

"Yes," Drake stood up to cover Dina with a light top sheet, "I think I should. For the sake of our

family…I think I should."

…_to be continued_


	29. Scarlet Billows Part Two

**Chapter 29**

**Scarlet Billows**

**Part Two**

**...ten minutes later**

Drake Parker was conflicted. If he didn't grow emotionally and still latched on to his

prejudices he'd still have a father. Yet, he realized, while there were some things he admittedly

did not understand about the trans community he knew that deep down in his heart he wasn't

a disowning bigot.

He loved Dina and hated the fact that she was upstairs crying her eyes out over the father

whom she only wanted his love and acceptance.

He stood in the doorway of the small dressing room area watching his stepfather dip his hand

into a jar of cold cream to remove the stage make-up.

When a woman carrying a huge make-up train case yelled at him for being "in the way" it got

Walter Nichols' attention.

"Drake?"

Walter wiped his hands on a towel and stood up to face the young man who may not have

been blood related was still his son in every sense of the word.

Drake had no choice but to let Walter hug him.

He _hated_ not being able to return it.

But all he could see was his sister's tears and his own guilt for not being there in the beginning

when she needed him the most.

And this wasn't even counting his Mother's and Megan's hurting as well.

"I've missed you so much," And Drake believed that to be so. "Sit down. Tell me what you've

been up to."

"I have a band—"and the small talk didn't seem right to him.

"How's your mother?"

"How do you think she is?"

Damn.

"I know I've made mistakes, son. How are your mother and Megan?"

"Mom works harder than she should have to and Megan is a few steps away from winding up

in prison."

How could he NOT ask about Dina? Even if he had to call her "Josh" it would have been

okay as long as the question _was_ asked.

"I've wanted to call Audrey."

Drake stood up, "I'd like to walk out of here and tell you that we're doing just fine, but we're

not. You'll have to live with that for the rest of your life. I want to know that after all this time

how can you ignore Dina? She exists and she's a good person. For you to ignore

her is enough to make me turn around and walk the Hell away from you. And that's another

thing you are going to have to live with for the rest of your life. Goodbye, Walter."

Drake kept walking ignoring the "please, wait, Drake" calls and he didn't break until he was in

the elevator by himself.

When the doors opened Drake made sure his eyes were completely dry. That wasn't so bad;

it was like getting a needle from the doctor.

He took a deep breath before putting his key card in the slot.

Dina was sitting up in bed and ending a phone call.

"Were you talking to Mom?"

"Yeah, I was. How is he?"

"A jerk."

"He didn't ask about me. Did he?"

"I'm sorry, Dina," Drake picked up the empty ice bucket, "Are you sure you don't want to

stay at another hotel?"

"I'm positive."

"I'm going to go get some ice."

"Drake, I know you miss----"

"Not anymore. I'll be back."

"After you come back do you want to go shopping?"

His eyes lit up. It was an excuse to get the hell out of Dodge for a while. "Yeah. I could use a

few more rock and roll shirts."

"Love you." Drake replied going out the door with the ice bucket.

"I love you too."

Dina sighed as she put her head against the pillow when Drake left the room. There was one

teensy part of her that wanted to go face to face with Walter.

She always thought she would face him, but when it came right down to it Dina couldn't be

bothered.

But Walter made his choices and apparently did not bother learning from them. Audrey

seemed nonchalant over the news other than the concern of how her kids felt she seemed to

throw her ex-husband out with the dirty bath water.

If she was going to go out shopping with her brother she needed to stop sulking on the bed

and freshen up in the bathroom.

And what better way to forget about one's unaccepting father by doing some major retail

therapy?

The Boulevard Mall was 150's stores of pure bliss.

Dina didn't care if her credit card got maxed out just a little bit.

"…if you were stranded on a deserted island would you eat your foot?" Drake asked

"What if I needed it later?"

"True."

Dina could spend a small fortune at Fredrick's of Hollywood, Victoria's Secret, and

Rampage.

"Do you mind if I go and try on------"

"No. You can't try out the shirts you wanted to buy from the hall. Let's say we meet in the

food court area in ninety minutes?"

"Okay. See you later, Dina." Drake patted her on the shoulder before taking off.

Dina hoped that he wouldn't get lost in some empty headed bimbo's eyes and he'd remember

to meet her for lunch.

She looked down at her hands and thought a trip to Glamour Nails was in order considering

she was due a manicure in a few weeks.

Why not get one in Las Vegas instead?

She was worth it.

Dina couldn't believe it. She almost choked on her diet soda. Drake not only met her in the

food court, but he was five minutes early.

"I bet you'd thought I'd be late…." He had one bag in comparison to her four.

"Noo.." She stretched her voice.

"or that I was flirting with someone….? How does Chinese sound? I'll pay."

"That sounds good. But you paid for breakfast."

"You didn't get to eat much of your breakfast…"

"No arm twisting required, Drake. You may buy me lunch. I'll have the orange flavored

chicken and a diet iced tea."

"Okay….I'll see ya in a bit."

Drake went to get his pizza first before getting Dina's order so hers would be hotter. He also

preferred his pizza to be cool to the touch before diving in.

"What did you buy?" Drake asked peeling the wrapping off his bendy straw.

"Girly stuff. Did you get your shirts?"

"Just one. The other one I liked was not in my size. Are you sure you don't want to go to

another---?"

"No. Why should we have to change our plans?"

"Won't it be uncomfortable?"

"Are you sure it's not going to be that for you and you're just using my emotions to cover up

your own uneasy feelings?"

Dina wanted Drake to stop hiding all of his emotions. He was going to give himself a heart

attack someday.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure that _you_ were going to be okay." Drake seemed to be

playing with his pizza rather than actually eating it.

"That's sweet of you."

Dina wasn't surprised when they made it back to the hotel and there was no receptionist telling

them there was a phone message. She knew that Walter had a final chance at redemption and

blew it. When this trip was over she'd have a good final cry over her father's

rejection of herself and the family and a vent to her yahoogroup, but for now it looked like she

was going to have to be the strong one.

Again.

He wasn't going to cry about this. Not in front of her. On one hand Dina was flattered, but on

the other she didn't want to be the scapegoat for her brother's inability to show his emotions.

Drake was sitting on his bed trying to button the sleeves of his cool dark blue and silver striped

rock star shirt. Sensing his frustration Dina sat next to him

"Here. Let me…."

"You don't have to…."

"I know. I want to. There. All done. Now what do you want to do?"

Dina thought he was going to bolt out of that room like an excited puppy who wanted to see

the outdoors. She was certain that his new shirt and the rest of his clothes would be on the

floor in less than twenty minutes as he had nameless sex with some tart whose name he'd

never remember.

"Nothing. Do you want to watch TV?"

"Sure. Maybe, _Oprah's _on." She was recording the episodes on her VCR back home. Dina

was counting on Megan being too busy being angst ridden to mess with her tapes.

Then she was expecting the argument about Oprah. But it didn't happen.

Drake just muttered, "Okay."

"Drake," Dina said from her own bed ten minutes later after they settled on a sitcom rerun,

"Are you all right, bro? It's okay to----."

She looked over to find Drake sleeping.

"cry in front of me." He did it before, but this was the finale. They reached their conclusion

with Walter and Drake felt that he had to be strong for her. "Sometimes you can be so

stubborn." Dina covered him with a blanket and kissed him on the forehead, "But I'm glad that

you're in my life. I love you, Drake."

"l-love y-you t-too, D-dina." He mumbled into his pillow.

Dina's heart was broken by her Father, but healed by her brother who at one time was as

hateful as Walter—but he grew out of it—he wanted to be a part of her life. He was sorry for

what he had done in the past and that made Dina very content.

Her brother Drake chose her.

Dina quietly walked over to the TV and turned it off. She carefully took her cell phone out of

her purse and went into the bathroom as to not disturb her sleeping brother.

"Hi, Mom……."

"Are you all right, Dina? Did you have an encounter with your father….?"

She could feel the tears starting to form. But they weren't sorrowful tears over her father they

were tears of hope from the one person she knew she could always count on.

"Drake did. For me, Mom. He did it for me……He said his goodbyes _for me_."


	30. Celebrate

**Chapter 30**

**Celebrate**

**...4 years later**

The house that eventually became a home was decorated for a small party.

A small crystal punch bowl was on the side table and was filled with a non-alcoholic fruit punch

along with an assortment of a meat and cheese tray from Ralph's Market.

Dina had graduated with honors from the University of Arizona with her degree in Health Sciences.

She kept nervously looking out the living room window. They couldn't have a party without Drake.

He was touring the east coast with his new band. He surprisingly made the effort to phone her last

week from New Jersey saying he'd postpone the New York and Massachusetts gigs to come to

Dina's graduation party (and he must have apologized one million times for not being able to attend

her graduation) but it wasn't only that she had an announcement to make and it wouldn't be the

same with only Mom there. As soon as Megan turned eighteen she bolted for parts

unknown. You'd think she was biologically related to Walter Nichols. Audrey did surprise Dina to

be present at the ceremony and have a girl's weekend.

When no one was looking Dina grabbed some potato chips out of the big red Tupperware bowl that

was on the coffee table. She made sure not to dip in the sour cream and powdered Italian dressing

mixture.

She purposely locked her purse in her car so she wouldn't call her brother every five minutes.

"He'll be here…." Audrey said while bringing in a ladle for the punch bowl.

Was it wrong that the party was only going to consist of Audrey and her two children?

"You don't think he _forgot_?"

He did accidentally forget her birthday a few years ago, but had planned a party for his tramp

du'jour that happened to share the same birthday as she.

"No. Drake will be here, Dina." It made Audrey very happy to see that Drake finally accepted

Josh's transition into Dina.

The living room phone rang making Dina's heart jump ten feet into the air.

"I'll get it, Mom," Dina needed to something otherwise she'd continue to stare at her fashionable

Gossip brand watch with the pink faux crocodile leather band.

"Hello?"

"Drake?"

He wasn't going to come. She hoped that wasn't the reason why he was calling.

"Hi, Dina," Drake figured he'd better pull over on the side of the road, "I'm on my way. I know you

were probably worried."

"No, I wasn't."

"You better call your doctor and schedule another surgery."

"What for?"

"Your nose is seriously growing."

Dina laughed, "Just get here. Mom baked a cherry pie."

"How great is pie? I'll be there in twenty minutes—and there just might be a present for you...See

you, Dina."

Dina could sense Drake's smile on the end of the phone.

"See you."

**1 Hour Later**

Audrey couldn't help but worry now that her son was officially one hour late. Yes, he could be

'scatterbrained' and be gone for a corn dog and a drink for an hour and a half especially if the

server was a pretty female.

Dina fell asleep sitting up on the sofa, but every few minutes her body would jerk herself awake.

"Mom," Dina stood up, "Drake said he'd be here in twenty minutes. What if s-something h-

happened to him?"

Neither one of them wanted to even think about that being a viable possibility.

She had to call his cell phone as the panic rose in her body.

"I'm sure he's fine. You know your brother---"

"Yeah, yeah I do. And he's not fine."

"If I have call the towing company for one more car today..." said the manager of the Quiggly Mart

to the cashier clerk. That beige Impala has been here for awhile and the owner was not in sight.

"I'll take care of it, Hank, after my smoking break, okay?" said the cashier who couldn't wait for

this day to be over so she could take a hot bubble bath.

"Thanks, doll." He replied in the old school non-harassment way.

The forty year old woman went out the back employee entrance to sit on the stoop and contemplate

why she was forty years old and STILL working at the Quiggly Mart.

"Can't these stupid delivery men throw the boxes away properly?" She said out loud as she almost

tripped over it.

Her mouth about to gasp into an hysterical scream when she noticed a badly beaten up young man

hunched over in the dumpster.


End file.
